Fire
by june7rose
Summary: Sookie wants a baby bad, but knows she can't have one with her vamp husband. When Eric puts Sookie into a dreamstate so she can experience what might have been possible between them, the dream takes on a life of its own. When or if Sookie eventually wakes, will she lose everything or is another future possible? Mostly in the past. Lemon/pregnancy/good ole caveman Vikings.
1. Chapter 1

Eric POV Modern times

"Bye, Hunter!" she calls, smiling to the small child as she shuts the door behind him. We babysat Hunter for the weekend. She loves that little boy like he was her own.

Now she sits at the kitchen table as she does so many times after he leaves, her eyes filled with tears. Her head falls into her hands.

This is my fault. What Sookie wants the most is the one thing I can never give her. A child. She pretends very hard that she's okay with it, but she's not.

We've been married two years, and everyday with her is like our wedding day. The biggest (tackiest in my opinion) affair that Bon Temps had ever seen, complete with her brother, still terrified of me, and enough vampires to ridicule me for being falling the love. The one thing the "the Viking" would certainly never do. I suppose I deserved it.

We're so familiar with each other's bodies, we worship each other nightly, sometimes many times. She finds feeding me erotic, and every few days, I feed from her and she comes for me like a blossoming flower.

I love, love, love her. And it kills me worse than being wrapped in silver to deny her what she wants so much.

"Sweetheart", I say. She doesn't even turn her head. I go upstairs silently.

The distance between us is becoming frigid.

One early morning, at 4 am, when she's going to sleep, and I hold her as she does – I can't help but speak. "I think we should get a divorce." My voice cracks.

She turns quickly around in my arms, and touches my face. "What?! That's not funny, Eric. What's wrong? Never say that to me."

"I see how much you want a baby."

She looks away.

"You could have one with someone else", I tell her.

"You're the only man I'll ever love. I do want a child. But I'm not going to let that destroy our marriage", she says, pulling me close. "Don't say that word to me again."

I squeeze her as her breathing becomes deeper and I know she's asleep.

I can't compel her. But vampires have lots of tricks up our sleeves.

"Sleep, Sookie", I whisper. "Go back to when we could have been happy."

I feel a red tear roll down my own cheek.

Eric POV Sweden, early 11th century

I can hear nothing but the snow crunching beneath my deer skin boots. My mind is consumed by the thrill of the hunt. That buck was headed southeast. I point to the right, and my men, behind me, with bow and arrows, move slowly to the right. We're hoping to find a herd.

Moving through the forest quietly is difficult at all times, but when the trees are hard, when the branches, and vegetation crunch and crack beneath your feet, it's virtually impossible.

Rabbits scatter. A horny owl stops, and looks briefly into my eyes, and then hops back into its den. Today we are neither on the hunt for rabbits nor owls. Today we are on the hunt for deer and as many as possible. We're doing okay now, but we need a successful hunt.

My people need new shoes, roofs need to be repaired, blankets and furs need to be sewn, and of course, everyone is hungry. We have foodstuffs enough for now, but cannot wait until it gets colder to find more. If my village goes hungry, it's my fault. My fault and my father's – the King. But we're not speaking now, as usual.

We have very different definitions of responsibility. He wants me to sit for hours, like I was still a boy at lessons, and learn all about governing, all about other villages, other Kings, contracts and treaties. I think I have the rest of my life to learn that stuff. Certainly that's the least important? It's certainly the most boring. My people need food, they need to be happy, they need to be warm, and they need the gold we acquire every expansion season. They don't care about the affairs of Kings in faraway places.

And his desperation to get me to marry is ridiculous. "You can't spend your life between a woman's legs!" Every woman I've met has wanted me between her legs, and has complimented both my size and my prowess.

There's only one of me for so many women. Between a woman's legs is the only place worth spending your life.

We see something on the ground ahead of us, clearly alive. My men pull back their bows.

"Vänta!" Wait. They put their bows and arrows away.

"Eric, be careful!"

"I am always careful." Asgar, one of my brothers in arms, rolls his eyes.

I get very close, and push a loose fur away. It's a girl! A woman. The fur was a covering, and she's lying on the ground, unconscious, and half frozen to death.

"The hunt will wait", I say.

She lays on a pallet, having never awoken yet. My mother, the Queen, has sent servants scurrying for firewood, furs, broth…I could also help, but I won't leave her side. None of us have an idea who she is. She doesn't come from my village, nor a village nearby unless she has hidden herself away all her life.

I sit by her side, and push her hair off her face. She has a light tan, perhaps she's from the south. Maybe even as far away as Ireland.

She's beautiful. And so fragile, she could leave us at any moment.

My father bursts in the door and a gust of wind follows him. The burst of air ruffles her hair and I tuck her in more warmly, with yet another fur. I know he'll have something unpleasant to say. He booms into the room, all 6'3, 250 pounds of Viking King, with enough pelts around his shoulders to drag him to the ground.

"What is this I hear of a woman in the woods? May be a banshee for all we know." He always says something foolish when he's shocked. He is unable to deal with change at all.

He looks down on her for a moment. "Foolish woman to be going about in that", he says. She has on a dress, but it's very short, and has short sleeves. Appropriate for high summer, if it was…appropriate period.

"It's our duty to restore her to health if possible, bury her if it is not, and get her on way back to wherever she came from", he pronounces and leaves the room.

Maybe it was his big mouth, but she stirs.

"Mmmm", she moans and comes to life.

"Mamma, she's alive!" I shout.

Her eyes flutter open. Dark.

I touch her hand to comfort her.

Sookie POV

He's leaning over me, his face no more than 5 inches away.

"Eric, what the hell?!" I shout.

It's Eric, but it's…not. It is him, but he's…warm. And flushed. And human? The entire room and everyone in it is freezing, but his hand is on fire.

"She knows my name! Where do you know me from, woman?" he asks.

"Did you just call me "woman?"" I ask.

They're speaking Swedish, but the bizarre part is that I am too. This must be a dream.

"Is that not what you are?" a huge man, asks, crashing into the room.

"Father, out!" Eric shouts. "You're scaring her."

"Even my own Crown Prince does not speak to me…"

"Stillhet!" A woman comes into the room – tall, blonde, regal looking. She looks down at me and smiles. She told them to be quiet.

"Ulfrick…sometimes you do more harm than good. Do not scare the girl!", she orders. The older man grouses but silences.

It seems she has them both in hand.

"Her eyes", he says, with amazement.

"Are", the woman adds.

"Dark", Eric finishes. "I have seen such eyes in the British Isles."

"She must have come from there then. Send her south", Ulfrick announces.

"Ulfrick, we know nothing about her!"

"Vallandra!" he shouts.

I don't know what to do. Or who these people are.

Eric is wearing big furry boots that reach to his knees and his legs are bare from knees to mid thigh. Fur…I dunno, looks like a skirt to me….starts there and ends at his waist. A tunic starts there and covers his chest, also covered in numerous furs. His legs are dirty, his face is dirty, and he is absolutely amazed.

"Eric, what's going on here?" I ask. He jumps. Am I scaring them? Seriously, I'm scaring these two huge guys?

"How do you know my name, woman?" he asks again.

"I was told to ask for someone named Eric", I say. There ya go. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

"Who told you?" Ulfrick asks.

"She wouldn't speak our language so well if she was from the British Isles", Vallandra says.

"What is your name?" Eric asks. I've never seen that look on his face. He loves me, but this…this man's face is lit up with joy even though we're merely looking at each other.

"Sookie", I answer.

"I'm not familiar with a name like that", Ulfrick says.

"It's beautiful", Eric says, smiling, and moving a strand of hair from my forehead. I already love him, so looking at him like that is pretty darn easy for me.

Branches snap in a roaring fire just feet away, but I'm still shivering. It's frickin cold here.

"Are you cold?" he asks, grabbing another blanket, and taking a fur off his own shoulders.

"No, no, I'm fine", I said.

"But you're shivering", he says. I noticed his mother is standing back, staring at us, with her mouth hanging open.

"Where is your husband, woman?" Ulfrick asks.

"Not married."

"Your father nearby?"

"He's dead."

"Brothers?"

"No."

"Your mother at least?"

"She's also dead."

"An orphan! Perfect!" he yells, "Another mouth to feed."

"Ulfrick, I think our son has this under control", she says, pulling her husband back out of the room.

"Huh? He's a future King, not a nursemaid, though he behaves like a child…"

"She'll be under your care, son. Frieda!" she shouts, "Broth for the girl. You're safe, child." She reaches down and touches me on the shoulder.

"Eric", I whisper.

"Sookie", he says. He puts his arm under my head, lifts me up, propping me up with pillows. "First, we need to get some food in you and keep you warm. When you can get up, my mother can give you some proper clothes."

I'm smiling. Eric, human and warm. He doesn't know me, but I'm longing to throw myself into his arms. Dammit, he's going to think something's wrong. I'm trying hard not to burst into tears. I HAVE to hear his heartbeat. I have to. Even if it's a dream, it doesn't matter.

"Are you afraid?" he asks."I promise to keep you safe, Sookie."

"I believe you, Eric", I say. I feel frozen and dizzy.

A girl around 20, in a plainspun wool dress, comes in, balancing a bowl of soup in one hand, a piece of bread, and water in the other. Her hair is the color of wheat, and she smiles knowingly at Eric. He doesn't notice. Ah, another of his many conquests. Not surprised. I smile at her. She knows I've seen her mooning, so she hands him the bowl, and runs away. Poor girl.

"Thank you, Frieda", he says, but she's gone. There is a wooden spoon the bowl, he picks up some soup, and blows on it. "Nice and hot", he says and takes the spoon to my lips. He looks thrilled when I swallow it. "You'll be well soon", he says, "I promise."

Dreamy. He's my Eric, but….missing that thick wall he keeps around his heart. He has the emotions he trained himself to lose. He's shyly flirting at the same time that he's trying to get me to eat soup. My stomach is flip flopping too much to eat.

"Do I…do I know you from somewhere?" he asks.

"I was going to ask the same thing", I say.

I take the bowl from him and he seems thrilled I'm eating it. He hands me a chunk of bread and I dip it in the soup. Um, bones. Bones in the soup. I suppose this broth is the real deal, boiled meat, skin, and bones. I'm about to gag, but try hard not to think about it. I am actually pretty darn hungry.

He takes the empty (but for bones) bowl from me. He helps me drink some water and then lowers me back until I'm lying down.

"Sleep now, Sookie, I'll be nearby." He touches my face. If I can't touch his heart yet…I take his hand, and press his wrist tight again my face. Ga gung ga gung. Oh my God. I can't breathe. He's alive.

I press a kiss against his pulse. I know he'll wonder about my sanity, but I don't know how long this dream will last.

He breaks into a brilliant smile. When he lost his memory, I could feel what he felt. But never, never, in all our time together, have I seen THAT. He presses a kiss to my forehead. "I'll be right outside…um, Sookie."

He's nervous. Flirting and nervous about it. When I wake up, I'm never going to stop kissing him.

I close my eyes and give into the exhaustion. See ya in a few, Eric.


	2. Chapter 2: A Second Wedding

But when I wake, I'm not "awake." I'm lying on that thick, high pallet in front of a roaring fire, soft red and gray furs piled high on top of me.

"Do you think she's awake yet?" I hear Vallandra's inquiry.

I yawn and moan loud enough so she can hear me.

The door opens and she's standing there with Frieda. "So happy you're awake, child, you look much better. I've come to get you a gown. You cannot continue to wear….the lovely dress you have on…."

Yeah, a sundress probably ain't gonna do it in early spring in Sweden with no central heat. It's bare period. Oh god, what if they think I'm a prostitute or something? I doubt Eric's mother would be offering me a dress if they did.

There's a real bed with a mattress, a straw mattress, but still a mattress in she and Eric's fathers room. A huge fireplace burns in the corner, making the room warm. I briefly saw what Frieda had on and was dreading the handspun sackcloth dress I would be given and how scratchy it would be. Instead, I'm handed one of Vallandra's own gowns. Still wool, but much softer, dyed a beautiful blue color.

"I can't accept this", I say. Eric inherited her eyes. And her achingly beautiful face. I nearly burst into tears. I'm getting the rare opportunity see the history of my immortal love's human life. Even if I'm making it all up – it's extremely detailed.

"Of course you can", she says, handing it to me. "I have a feeling about you."

Uh oh. "A feeling…Your Majesty…"

"Vallandra. Yes. So where are you from?" she asks.

"A place called Bon Temps", I say. What the hell, they'll never know the difference.

"What an odd name! Are you from the British Isles? I don't think you're a Dane."

"All I can remember is the name Bon Temps."

That should put an end to future inquiries.

"Poor child, you must have bumped your head. Well, if you haven't any family as you said, you're ours now."

She seemed eager to have me around.

"Provided you're feeling better, would you like to take a walk with Eric?"

He shows me the stable. The stable hand is eager to show everything off. The pens are large and well kept. A gray mare neighs at the end of the stable, and a black stallion licks my hand through the door.

"No one can calm Anvil. I think he likes you." Eric smiles.

"You have to see my mother's garden", he says, lightly touching my elbow. I notice he was taking every possible opportunity to touch me. Eric Northman has a crush. I wondered what his actual last name is, if the ancient Norse even have last names. Icelanders don't even to this day. If he did, I was certain it wasn't "Northman." The man from the north, what a lazy choice, like naming a canary "the yellow bird." I'm going to tease him for it when I wake up.

We spend time together when he's not working in the fields or training. Stepping over a puddle requires holding my hand. Shivering requires him taking off a fur and putting it around my shoulders, where his hands linger a second too long. This Eric is the perfect combination of the "old" and "new" Erics. As tough as the old Eric, as sweet and innocent as the new one. I want to get this man into bed, and never let him leave.

During the next few weeks, I learn how to tend and feed the smaller animals. The goat likes to be fed first thing, while the pig will eat any time. The slop of vegetables and meat I have to give the pig does not make me happy. And there's no antibacterial soap. Vallandra is serious that it's not my place to do servant's work, but back in Louisiana, if you're not royalty, you do your own work.

Food mostly consists of venison, some domesticated animals like pigs, and black cod from the Baltic Sea. All roasted in a heavy iron pot with potatoes. I'm determined to add something green. Peas were good to plant in spring. There had to be something.

The first ingredient in any southern dish is bacon grease, so I'm pretty lost in the kitchen. But I help cook the fish over an open fire place. I wonder if it's possible to make Tabasco.

Vallandra wanted fish instead more venison, so Eric asked me to accompany him to the beach. He told me we were within walking distance. We have very different definitions of walking distance. We trudged for miles. Or rather he walked like a well trained soldier on the lightest march of his life, I trudged.

In the summer, it must be fun to swim and walk through the sand. It's frozen rocks right now, but we do manage to catch a couple fish.

He keeps looking at me and smiling, and then looking away when I catch him. "My mother's dress looks beautiful on you", he says.

"Thank you."

"I'm glad you're clothed properly now", he says, and I can tell he's teasing me. He takes the opportunity to make sure my wrap covers my shoulders.

"It's getting late", he says, looking at the sky.

I'm not used to a life that's dictated by the hour and the seasons – homes, electric light, air conditioning, and heating takes care of all that.

"How much further?" I ask on the way back, struggling.

"Only a few more miles, you're tired already?" he chuckles

It had to be a total of 10 miles both ways. Panting, I give up. I sit down just in time to not fall down. "I have to rest, Eric. You can rest with me, or go on if you like."

He frowns at me. "I'm certainly not resting this close to home", he says.

"Then go on", I hiss. He throws his head back and laughs.

"And leave you here? How will you find your way home?"

"Follow your tracks", I say, and he bursts into laughter again.

"Stand up, Sookie", he orders. I pull myself to my feet. He dips an arm below my knees and picks me up. He starts walking again, carrying me.

"You're a very lazy woman", he says, cackling.

"I've been feeding YOUR pigs, your ducks, your goats, for weeks. Cooking your food, helping Frieda clean your kitchen. I'm not a stranger to hard work", I growl.

"You have quite a smart mouth, woman. Be glad you're mine, others would not tolerate it."

Seems that Eric was always Eric. And there's that word again. He certainly likes it.

"Yours?" I ask.

"Indeed", he says, bouncing me in his arms, smiling like the cat that ate the canary. "I want you to be my woman."

"You have lots of them", I say, raising an eyebrow. "You want me to be one of them?" It's my turn to laugh.

"Bites like a snake!" he yelps. "A young lady like you is not supposed to know about such things. But I mean…be my only woman."

"You want me to be your girlfriend?" I ask. Thank goodness, we can have some physical affection now. I've been straining not to touch him.

He frowns at me. "I don't know what you're saying. I know you said your father is dead, but do you have any other male relatives I should talk to?"

When he said "be my woman", did he mean "be my wife"?

I can't stop laughing thinking of the look on Jason's face if my fur-clad Viking burst in his door and asked permission to marry me.

"Why do you laugh?" he asks. "Any man would be quite eager for his daughter, sister, or cousin to marry me. I'm to be King. The greatest warrior as far as the crow can fly. Very tall, strong…I can lift two of my countrymen on my shoulders at least…."

Oh good Lord. Is it possible his ego was once worse?

"You're laughing at me?" he asks. His feelings seem hurt at first, then he laughs. "You could try the patience of Odin himself. You know it would much easier for me to carry you across my shoulder."

I stifle my laughter. He'd do it too.

When we're within a few hundred feet of the house, he puts me down.

"You have not answered me", he says, nervous fear creeping into his voice.

"Are you asking me to be your wife?"

"I am", he says, nodding, and looks at me expectantly.

"Yes", I answer, and he pulls me in his arms.

"My Sookie, you'll never be sorry! I can take care of you. You know you'll be a Princess!"

A princess. Maybe I like this Eric better.

"WHAT?!"

"Ulfrick, please!" Vallandra yells.

They don't want me. I'm forcing down tears. A millennia either way, I'm still a waitress.

I wait outside as they argue about me. I shouldn't be listening, but how could I not?

"Father, you want me to marry, I'm marrying!" Eric shouts.

"You are to marry Princess Lena, and you know it! Her father and I have had it in mind since you were babies."

"You want your son to marry!" Vallandra shouts, "Now he has chosen a woman and you say no! All over a princess you have stuck in your mind."

"I could over look that she is not royalty. But not only does she not come from a great family, she comes from no family at all! If he believes I'm going to let him marry an orphan who wandered out of the woods, he has another think coming! I will not consider her anymore than I would one of the servants!"

I can't hold it back anymore and fall into sobs. I try to cry quietly. His parents don't want me for a daughter in law. I'm not good enough for their son. I feel like I was punched in the stomach. My heart is broken.

"I'll disown you!" Ulfrick shouts.

"And to whom do you leave your crown? Infant Agna?" Eric spits.

"Ulfrick, you will do no such thing!" Vallandra shouts.

I'm amazed they haven't brought the roof down yet.

"You will agree to my marriage, or I will abdicate, and you'll be alone with your spite old man!" Eric booms, and throws open the door.

I look up with a gasp. He caught me eavesdropping. "Sookie!"

"Father, she has heard every word you said", Eric yells. "Now I will never forgive you. Come with me, Sookie, you will no longer be a princess, but I have a strong back. I can keep us fed."

He slams the door behind us. We can still hear them arguing.

"She will leave him, Vallandra and you know it! They leave all the time! To be the wife of a warrior is a hard thing, we're gone half the year, it's too much for many women. Every time we return in the fall, more and more have left their husbands."

I'd like to get an explanation on that one.

"You don't know that, there is more to her than you see, I can feel it. Ulfrick, you will go out there right now, give your blessing, and welcome that girl to the family before we lose him forever! I will not be denied my grandchildren because of you!" Vallandra shouts.

Silence.

Pounding feet. A heavy cup being knocked over. And the doors swing open in front of us. I gasp.

"Come in here, the two of you", he says, calm and hoarse.

Eric takes my hand and we both approach him on his throne.

It's handcarved, simple, and old. Not the luxurious, gold, and velvet numbers from the Renaissance, but it has meaning.

"I will give my consent to this marriage only if you fully understand what it means to be a Viking's wife, girl. Eric…explain…"

Eric swallows. He's afraid.

"We go on progress, every summer. During expansion season, when the snow melts, is our only time to venture away from this place. Our people are becoming too many for our small land. We need more land for our people. We need gold. And so we go south into the other lands to get them. Mostly the British Isles. We're gone 6 to 8 months a year. There are men in the village who stay to look after the women – blacksmiths, farmers, but otherwise the women and children are alone. The warriors are gone."

For some reason, even though I knew Eric was a Viking, I never considered him a….Viking. The raping, stealing, and pillaging kind. The kind that raided monasteries and killed friars. The kind that stole jewels and melted down golden cups. The kind whose longboats took them hundreds of miles from home.

I would spend very little time with my husband.

I burst into tears.

Eric runs over to me and grabs me before my knees give out. I cannot spend better than half the year without him. Wake up, Sookie, this dream isn't fun anymore.

"You see!" Ulfrick booms.

"It is the ones who don't care who are the trouble", Vallandra answers. She goes on to explain that divorce is very easy for women in their culture, which amazes me. A woman can divorce her husband for something as trivial as insulting her parents. More and more women leave warriors for other men, and when there are no more men, move to other villages. It happens every progress. The King is afraid I'll leave and shatter his son's heart.

"I don't know that I can go on without him", I say, "But I will never abandon him. I will never leave him. I love him."

Ulfrick stares at me. "If you cannot go on, we will have a problem. You are now a Viking woman, not a useless British damsel, and you will behave like one. But you have convinced me that you truly care for him. Do not break my son's heart."

I shake my head.

He sighs. "Then I give you my blessing to be wed."

Eric scoops me up in his arms. "Thank you for having faith in me."

Our handfasting is a popular event, and people come from other villages to watch.

Vallandra panics, sending Frieda looking for more flowers. Is there enough food?

There is food enough for a 100 men, but she still seems worried.

Vallandra surprises me with a dress of wool with lavender sleeves that can be removed, and a wide skirt. She had it made for me. And I'm almost too scared of damaging it to wear it. She calls me "dottir" and hugs me against her. Eric's mother.

It's weird to be nervous. We're already married and this isn't…real, though it's becoming more real than real life to me. But I am nervous, and kinda scared of all the big, burly men suddenly wandering around.

Eric is all lean muscle, on a thin, athletic body. Some of these men are big muscle, broad, and huge. He's dwarfed by some of these guys.

There's his father's friend, Olaf, with red hair and a beard that look unwashed since before I was born.

It feels strange to be standing in front of all these odd people, but not strange at all to put my hand in Eric's, and swear to be his forever.

A shaman from two villages away has been summoned and now Eric and I stand in front of him as he wraps vines and early spring flowers around our wrists, binding us together.

Eric looks…clean. So do his men. I'm trying not to laugh. He doesn't have a smudge on him for the first since I woke in this place. Does his modern, fashionable and fastidious self ever think about the man he used to be?

Several tables are filled with every meat imaginable, potatoes, and Vallandra was nice enough to put out a little dish of my peas which did not grow in the snow, though they're untouched. Beer flows like water, several kinds, from light to dark.

Big Harald slams a huge cup of beer on the table. "I remember when this one did not stand as tall as my knees", he jokes loudly, looking at Eric. "Now you're a renowned warrior with a wife. I could still take you down in minutes, boy."

We all look at each other. He's drunk but good hearted. "What a beauty!"

I nod to him as he raises a toast to me. "And pure as the newly fallen snow!"

Umm….

"To Sookie!"

"To Sookie!" everyone cheers. No one ever toasted me before, not even at my own wedding.

"You've waited long enough, boy, time to leave the party to the rest of us."

Eric and I look at each other. I finally, finally, get to make love to my husband tonight. But he thinks it's the first time and that I'm an innocent girl. Jumping on him is probably off limits.

He takes my hand and we both stand up.

"There ya go boy", Big Harald calls after us, "Claim her, make her yours, and put a son in her belly!"

I have to resist the urge to walk back and smack him. He's crass. But my stomach flops at the mere mention of being pregnant with Eric's child, however it's stated.

This will be my first time in Eric's lodgings. It's similar to the room I stayed in, except much bigger and nicer. Shelves hold armor, battle axes, swords. He has a chest of drawers filled with various pieces of clothes. A huge, high pallet lays very close to the fire. A large pile of furs, enough for several people are on top of it.

He turns me around gently and I raise up on my toes to kiss him. "My Sookie", he whispers, "You are a miracle. Maybe you are an Elvin princess and you did not tell me. Where did you come from, and why did you not come sooner?"

He slips the dress over my head. He pulls two pelts off his shoulders, followed by the tunic, and unbuckles a belt of furs around his waist. Answers my question about what they're wearing under there – nothing.

We're both naked, and he pulls me boldly into his arms. He sits on the pallet, and takes me hand. I sit with him, and he slowly lowers himself on top of me. The familiar feel of his weight is both comforting and arousing. "Don't be nervous", he says. He's adorable.

There is a mountain of fur beneath me. Sooo soft, like fluffy angel's wings. "You'll never be cold again", he promises, covering me with his body. "Min kärlek." My love.


	3. Chapter 3: Goodbye

If updates are coming too fast, let me know. I have a tendency to get obsessed with things and just want to work on it until it's done, but I know many people don't go to FF everyday, and I don't want readers to fall behind.

"Open for me", he says, gently nudging my knees apart. "I know I must hurt you, to consummate our marriage, but I promise I will be as quick as possible and hurt you as little as possible."

He'll be quick about it? Not if I have anything to say about it.

He touches my sweet spot that is already engorged and jumping around with happiness to be near him again. He has enough experience with women to know what he's doing. He rubs his finger over my nub in a circle. Then takes it away, and puts his finger in his mouth. "You're delicious. I have never desired a woman as I desire you." Now wet, his finger returns to rub me again and again.

I'm aching and moaning, it's been too long. I can hear frustrated moans from my own lips. "Relax, min kärlek, you'll orgasm faster. Wait until you feel your body tingle, shudder, and explode. I will give you that a thousand times a day. Min kvinna. My woman. Tell me you're mine."

Oh Eric. I nearly roll my eyes. "I'm yours", I sigh against his shoulder. His eyes bright, he kisses me. "Min kvinna. Min kvinna." He licks down my neck. Then he weighs each of my breasts in his hands. "Min kvinna imponerar mig." My woman impresses me. I have to remember this is a different place and time and that women here would be thrilled for their husbands to say they were pleased with their wife's body.

He takes each nipple in my mouth and sucks gently with soft untried lips. Human. Eric. Sucking on me. My hips buck. I need him inside me NOW.

I reach around and grab his ass, pushing him closer.

He inserts one finger, then another. "You're ready for me, min kärlek, I promise you in time, your body will welcome me."

He's huge, and he knows it and goes slow. Luckily his size is always such a shock, there's no need to act like I don't think he'll fit. I always think he's not going to fit.

Inch by inch, he pushes carefully, asking "All you all right? Am I hurting you?" This Eric is human, and doesn't have the patience or experience of the other. He's dying to bury himself inside me and is having a more difficult time going slow.

"That's wonderful ,min kärlek." I've never called him "my love" before, and it seems to send him into a frenzy.

"Min!" he cries out. However primal and possessive my Eric can be, this guy leaves him in the dust.

It's bizarre. I'm making love with a stranger, who happens to be my husband. This Eric is different. It's clear he has experience with women, but it's a different world from the modern day Eric with a thousand years experience, whose mix of passion and precision is an art form. The man who can please any woman – at 100mph if you prefer. The Eric with the goody room in the basement, the Eric who has seen and done everything that can be done. I know that Eric. But this Eric is flawed, human, and I love him more than I ever dreamed possible.

"Take me, husband", I whisper into his ear. Two can play this game. I can feel him extend blissfully inside me, and I just lie back on the furs and sigh. Filled. This man was born to be inside me. He starts to move, and I clamp my hands on his perfect round bottom, and rock with him. It's amazing to keep up with Eric, and know he's not going at a snail's pace not to hurt me. Guess there's no Dark Ages GQ, their loss.

"I'm yours, make me come", I whisper him.

"Sookie!" he roars as he comes hard inside me with my name on his lips. Simply witnessing this makes me follow him twice.

I'm momentarily shocked. I'm used to sex with Eric, but his….you know….is usually something like room temperature. He explodes inside me now, not only warm, but hot as fire. Then he comes again, immediately. I wonder about the implications.

"I love you" he says. Ah. I think my heart stopped.

"I love you too", I whisper in his ear. "From the first moment I saw you on that…."

Throne. Oh god, it's his father's! Now that I have a second to think about it, they're the same! Identical. How did he find it again?

"Huh?" he asks, nuzzling my neck.

"Nevermind. I love you too", I answer, and kiss him.

This is a new world. As I walk through the village, everyone is assembled to officially meet me, their new Princess. I feel like I'm on a school trip to a natural history museum. "To the right, kids, you'll see an accurate representation of an Iron Age Viking village."

Everyone paid their homage, a little girl handed me some wilted flowers, and I cried, and then we were done.

We don't cuddle for long during the day. Eric went back to the fields to take in as many crops as possible. And I returned to the house to help Vallandra and the servants anyway I could. I knew the men were in the fields to give the women and children their best chance at having as much food as possible…because they were leaving soon. There was always something to do – breakfast, lunch, and dinner, sweeping up the dirty rushes, and replacing them with new straw, directing the servants, washing dishes, repairing clothes…I wouldn't be sunbathing until I woke up.

I found out from Vallandra that Eric loved a particular bread treat, baked with honey they collected every summer. When he was 4, he would refuse to touch anything else. I made one every day, running down the supply, but in the summer I would have nothing else to do but restock. The summer. When I would lose him. I dismissed it, I would be awake by then.

Every afternoon, Eric, would leave the wheat fields, and sneak inside, golden as Apollo from the sun and wheat dust. He'd take my hand quietly as I slipped out of the kitchen we hid in the corner.

"And why have you interrupted my hard work?" I ask.

"I want my treat, woman", he whispers against my ear and pulls me into an unpracticed kiss that makes my knees weak. "I want this one too", he says, taking the pastry out of my hand and biting.

He chews and pulls me into another kiss. "If I stay another second, I'll stay all day."

He walks backwards, taking another bite, and winking at me.

I didn't see his parents watching.

"They're happy in each other", Vallandra says, with a content sigh.

"She spoils him", Ulfrick complains.

"You spoiled him first. She LOVES him. Truly, this is more than we ever could have hoped for him."

"I don't trust her yet."

"Oh bah", Vallandra says, and pulls him into her arms.

I passed the next couple of months by helping the cook during the day, feeding the lifestock, planting more vegetables.

It's indescribable to be held by a human Eric. I press my ear against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. Steady, healthy, and strong. His arms are warm and his breath tickles my neck. If we spend our days apart, we certainly spend every second of the night together. I lay in his arms every night in front of the fire, naked and happy. He makes love so tenderly. He kisses every inch of my body, like I'm a goddess. He laps at my nipples, licks my neck, tickles me everywhere. Nothing could be more perfect. Except that the one thing everyone wants hasn't happened.

The first week in May. I've been forcing it out of my mind for weeks. Why haven't I woken up?

There is crying and fear in the village. Is there enough food? We have lots of meat to salt. Fish doesn't keep, but I'm confident, I can handle that myself.

Newlyweds cling to each other. Mothers cry, holding their sons. Freida told me fully a third of the men don't return. But only when I hear his parents whispering in the throne room do I understand they're holding it up for me.

"Vallandra, we need to leave! But we can't until she's pregnant. What would happen if both of us were killed in battle? There has to be an heir!"

"Never say such a thing!" she cries.

"I'm sorry", he says, "Eric won't fall in battle. He never lets anyone get the better of him. I've always believed that boy will live forever."

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were proud of him", Vallandra says, but he keeps talking.

"On the other hand, I'm a tired old man. We have to plan, anything could happen, and we need a male heir. As it is, we could do little more than confirm it before we go. Anything can happen, she could lose it just as fast."

I cover my mouth with my hand. Pregnancies, and babies, were lost every day in this time. So were mothers. This is a cold, hard place.

If Eric fell in battle…I have to keep reminding myself this is a dream, as real as it feels. He's my reason for living. Oh please, Odin, I don't know you, but hear me, keep him safe.

When we're alone at night, Eric tells me the men are leaving the next day. The words cut through me and I try to talk without crying, but it's useless. "Don't go", I say, "Eric please, it's dangerous."

"I'll be fine", he says, kissing me, as if I'm hilarious. "Oh sweetheart! Min kärlek, don't worry for me. I never lose. I never give up. I don't think I know how."

Some things really never change.

"You have to be strong", he says, tucking my head under his chin, "You have to look after the other women. My mother, the servants, and you have to take care of those whose husbands fall."

I burst into tears again. "My sweet love",he murmurs, and picks me up. He rocks me like a child. "I will be back, I promise you."

"Next year", I whisper through my tears. He hangs on tighter. "Please don't leave me." I burst into tears.

He squeezes his eyes closed. "Please don't ask that, min kärlek. I can't stay while my men go. While my father goes. They need me. Are you going to…."

It's his turn to be speechless.

"Will you…it's going to be so long, and you're so upset. If you're going to leave me, tell me now."

"Baby, however you break my heart, that's one I'll never do", I say, burying my face in his chest.

"Baby?"

"It's a term of endearment – a love term – where I come from."

"Baby. I like it. I'll never break your heart, my darling. I promise I'll keep pushing the men harder, we'll get back sooner."

"I'm so sorry", I wail. His parents had a discussion with him – he immediately knows what I'm talking about.

"It's not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. Sometimes it takes it time. I'll be back, min kärlek."

I can't fall asleep that night. I don't want to keep him up, but he snuggles me all night long, kissing my cheek. We make love until we're both exhausted.

"No!"

He holds me so tight, we're one. The morning sun is shining. "You'll be all right, you'll be all right", he keeps saying in my ear.

The men are assembled, have bid farewell to their own wives and children. I won't let him go, I can't. I can't stay here, in this cold dismal place, feeding ducks, while he may be dying in the mud somewhere. There's nothing for me, no warmth, no love, no reason for being. And those women I judged for walking away – I understand them much better now.

I can see Ulfrick flash an irritated look at Vallandra. He's already on horseback.

"I have to go."

"Then take me with you."

I simply can't be parted from him. From his smile, his warm arms, his love. I laugh through my tears remembering a different place and time.

_Maybe I'll grow on you._

_I'd prefer cancer._

He smiles. "What a fearsome little Viking you would make. I must go now Sookie." He pulls me into a fierce kiss. "I love you. Tell me you love me. That you'll be waiting."

I can't stop crying long enough to speak. "Mamma", he says, and Vallandra comes over and pulls me away from him.

"No…"

"Good-bye", he calls, and they start to ride away.

"I'll be waiting, min kärlek." I call after him. His own throat is filled with emotion, so he smacks his hand over his heart and nods.

The next morning is cold and windy. For the first time, I seem to realize I'm sleeping alone on a pallet in what is essentially a huge hut in the middle of Dark Ages Sweden, with no heat, no medicine, and no help. With Eric, I didn't notice anything but him. I hate it here.

Wake up, wake up, wake up. But I can't. I'm here and he's gone, and there is no sun.


	4. Chapter 4: A World Apart

I didn't go into detail, but also didn't pull punches, on the description of the Vikings sacking towns, or their attitudes about it. Might not be for the easily offended.

The furs still smell like him. The first morning without him, I refused to get up. If I willed it hard enough, I would wake, surely I would. But I didn't. What I did was scare Vallandra senseless. She didn't know if I'd lost my mind. I wouldn't be honoring him if I was embarrassingly self indulgent and left his mother to fend for herself. These women were tough. Far tougher than I'd ever be. But I had to keep my promise to Eric, and do my best.

I did it with empty eyes though, and a frozen heart.

I salted venison for hours. While I didn't know their techniques, I did have modern know how and knew just salting meat was not enough to make it keep. We built little igloos outside, packing them with snow to keep the meat fresh. And the snow began to melt as summer came. I spent most of my time trying to think up ways to keep meat under 40 degrees. The women thought I was crazy at first, until fewer and fewer children got sick. Then I was flooded with volunteers.

I had never wanted to be here, but it wasn't long until I realized I had a good reason to hang on.

Eric POV

On the Norman shore, there's nothing but sand and blood. We come without warning, and the sight of us strikes terror in the hearts of the townspeople. We are the bringers of death.

Longships carry us to the shores of the enemy, and surely he is my enemy because he will not give me what I want. We make the offer though – send out your gold, by the wheelbarrow full. Every house, every church is be stripped. Cede the shore to us.

They never do, just as we wouldn't. Karves are small ships. They're our secret. Inlanders believe we're only a threat to the coast, but these smaller ships allow us to sail down rivers, sometimes deep into the heart of the country.

I growl as I hurl myself over the side of the ship, splashing down onto the beach. Father is next to me. These people have an army. I take a deep breath and sigh.

"Son…"

"I know!" I yell. Every man in the sand will leave a wife, a mother, a sister, a child behind tonight. I'm not eager to do it.

"Behind me!" I yell, and my men fall in, ready to cut them down.

We shatter stained glass windows. Their religion is bizarre. They consider cups "holy" and speak of drinking their God's blood and eating his flesh. And they call us barbarians.

But there is plenty of gold in monasteries, more than anywhere else. They anoint this God with gold, as well. Completely impractical when there are things that need to be bought. If they refuse to spend it, we'll do it for them.

Men scream and run through the streets, their heads removed with one swift stroke. But they are lucky compared to the women, who are raped, then killed. I try hard to force my Sookie out of my mind, to not see her face when I look at them. Look away, Eric.

It's pure carnage. Blood everywhere, children smashed into the road. But this will prevent more deaths. By killing everyone here, we send a message and the next town opens their gates to us. There need be no more deaths.

We pillage the entire town, and set it on fire on the way out. The men are happy – they have plenty of gold, jewels, some take women as pleasure slaves. Personally I don't like my women quite so subservient. Nor did I ever care for rape. I try not to think of my girl, but I can't. Now my Sookie is a spitfire.

"Eric, concentrate!" my father yells.

"My Prince….what is our next move?" Asgar is beside me, just like always, my friend, and my captain.

We'll hit several countries along the shore before the season is over.

Sookie POV

It's my own needs that help me come to a better solution. I'm not keeping down this questionable venison, and it's time for fresh food.

I assemble confused women into groups, and teach them to fish. The younger women come with me, laughing and smiling all the way to the Baltic Sea to catch fresh black cod that can be served that day or the next. No longer. After that, we go again.

The older women tie lures for hours. The servants and I plant our own crops. The blacksmiths have little to do with most of the horses gone, but they still do not help, and hint they'll tattle to the men that we're not eating what they provided. Good luck with that, buddy.

I sit on the ground, scraping out a new potato patch.

"Sookie." Vallandra puts her hand on my shoulder. "Eric would never forgive me if he saw this. His wife digging in the dirt, exhausting herself, especially considering…"

"That's why I have to. I have to distract myself."

"You've done wonders here. I don't know how you know so much."

"I grew up on a farm", I tell her. And I'm happy to feed pigs and ducks, but not slaughter them. I couldn't do a thing like that, so I leave it to the servants.

"No one is ill from the deer meat anymore, the fresh fish is good, no matter how exhausting is it to be constantly fetching so much of it, and these vegetables are great. Though green is a strange color for food, and I doubt the men will eat them when they return."

When they return. "Eric will eat what I tell him to eat", I say.

"Now, there's a smile! Your first in months", she says happily. "And I'd say you're right. My boy would do anything you said."

"Thank you", I say, looking up at her, "Thank you for welcoming me here, even if Eric's father doesn't want me around."

"Sookie! The man talks too loud. He wants you around, he's never seen his son happier and he knows it. Ulfrick is incredibly stubborn. He has it in his head how things should be, and you certainly shook things up when my son found you in the woods, half frozen to death. Ulfrick loves you already. He does. But you weren't his idea, so…."

"He's prejudiced."

"Yes", she admits. "You're my dottir, my dottir", she says, "As much as Agna."

I jump up, as much as I can jump, and hug her. She's not Gran. But she's all I've got right now.

I dig my sundress back out, no matter what anyone says, when July hits and it manages to get to 65. I'll start a new trend. Ha ha.

On July 4th, I make one of those bread treats for everyone in the village. They don't need to know why. And I get stung twice getting more honey.

"Sookie", Vallandra fusses, putting a poultice on the stings. "You have to be more careful! My God if anything happened to you!"

"You sound as bad as Eric", I say, giving her a hug. "You're overprotective too."

"I worry about you. But you seem better", she says with a tighter hug.

"Yes, I feel a lot better." For the first three months, nothing stayed down, it was sheer torture, matching my mood. But now there isn't enough food in the world. But I always eat fresh fish, potatoes, and vegetables. My diet was forcibly healthier than 95% of women on earth. No southern fried for me.

And it showed among the villagers too. The very old and very young are always the first to go. But we lose only one older lady this summer.

I want to supplement our diet with a little red meat, but none of that rotten stuff. Damn. Granddaddy Earl taught me to shoot a rifle, and if I tracked one for days, I might be able to shoot one. With the problem that there aren't any guns.

A spear? What am I Sheeba the Barbarian? Maybe we can think of something. Or maybe we wait for my hubby to take care of that one.

All kinds of things happen when men aren't around to fix them. When a roof tears, or a food trough breaks, we can't wait. I can't take the risk anymore, so I direct young women how to climb up and cover a roof with a thick deer hide. And there's clapping afterward for a blushing Frieda.

The summer makes everything a billion times easier here. There's spring grass and dandelions where solid snow and ice used to be.

We have a party, yes a party, outside with sweet treats, and sweetened goat's milk.

I hope I'm helping the women pass the time without their husbands, sons, brothers, and fathers easier.

"Now this is it", I say happily SUNBATHING outside when we have a great heat wave, and it reaches 70 degrees.

These people need some real Louisiana weather, and some real Louisiana food too. At least Vallandra is happy. I'm resting.

Eric POV

I wipe blood off my face. I hate it when they spurt like that. The man's head falls at my feet.

Normandy has been sacked. Most of the British coast is terrified. We have ships filled with gold which will buy everything we can't make ourselves. We can pay doctors, buy livestock, buy wool. We can't raise the sheep the English do so well. It's too cold.

Expansion season is only half over. While we've happily achieved our treasure goal already, we have not taken a single inch of land. Our people cannot stay out there, surrounded by water forever. Taking new land, and then settling it is a very long process. No one just hands it over. And when you have it, few want to experiment to be the first people to live there.

A couple hundred years before, a huge island was discovered west of here and it's been heavily populated since. But taking land from the mainland is getting more and more difficult. But an island nation cannot survive. We must be allowed the same rights as any other people. We have our own heroes and explorers going west through the open ocean, and if they survive, who knows what they may discover. Their names may go down in history.

Maybe I'm a tad jealous, but the life of that kind of hero is not for me. I'm to be King someday. And I want no greater adventure than returning to my wife. My Sookie. Is she even still there? Did she leave months ago? Did being a Viking prove too difficult for her?

My father is already angry with me for pushing the men on, for cutting corners, for avoiding the northernmost part of Scotland all together. We won't gain an inch of those cliffs. Ireland still waits for us.

As far as I'm concerned, we have our treasure, gaining land is not possible this season, it's time to go home. But Father would never agree, with plenty of small towns, just ripe for the picking.

Sookie POV

The fruit trees are just ripe for the picking. Winter apples are starting to grow. They won't be ready for months. Raspberry and blueberry bushes provide a bounty for those brave enough to risk fingers on brambles. According to Vallandra, I'm not one of those people. It's like having a stern mother around. But I'm grateful.

It's odd for a southern girl, but when August starts to leave, so does any trace of warmth. I don't know the temperature, only that it's damn cold. Vallandra promises snowfall in September. Ugh. Not more cold, more snow, when we had made so much headway.

But the cold returning meant Eric returning. Was he still alive? Did I have reason to hope? And if the man I love were in shreds on some distant shore, and I never saw him again, could I go on? Would I wake up then? Ever?! For now, I had to keep going.

There were women who left. Fewer than ever before, and I patted myself on the back for that. I didn't attempt to stop them. Vallandra insisted on having a word first, and making it clear what they were doing. They were letting down their village, letting down the men who fought and died to keep them safe, and took numbers from our already dwindling village. And because she insisted on this, most snuck off in the night.

I didn't say a word. As an outsider, I understand their position better than she does. So a few women left the village, sometimes with children. They had a happy home here, or so I thought, but some didn't trust that I could provide, or found the changes in the village frightening, and simply wanted a man to take care of them who was around all the time. I couldn't really blame them.

And then there was Ingrid. Most the women who left, mostly left the village entirely, but there were always women who simply left their men for others and stayed. What husband wouldn't grant a divorce when he found his wife had been living and sleeping with another man for six months? This year, there were none. Ingrid didn't do this per say. Asgar is my husband's dear friend and captain, and they would both be unhappy. But Ingrid, his wife, was often sick in the morning. I knew the haggard look cause I'd worn it myself for months.

She kept her doors closed and kept herself shut away. Asgar was going to be crushed.

But Vallandra assures me that's one thing that isn't my problem. She now laughs almost every time she sees me. "We need to make you some new dresses, Sookie."

Ha ha, it's not funny. As graceful as Eric, she's very tall and very thin. She's 5'9 and probably didn't gain an ounce when she was expecting Eric. I'm 5'4, and have gained…well, more than one. She smiled and put her arm around me. She had taken to calling me "my little chipmunk." Small and chubby. Fantastic.

But dresses are the least of my problems. As the October snows add up, I'm panicking. All my summer bravado is lost in the blowing winds. Trips to the coast are becoming more and more impossible. Who knows when the men would return to hunt. Where are they? Are they coming? Are we alone? Vallandra and I can find and chop enough wood to keep the large house and the servant's quarters warm, but not everyone's house. What we do takes most of the day. I don't see how I can keep all these people alive the entire winter by myself. And my body is failing me when it comes to hard labor.

I can't do anything but pray. Please, please, come home Eric. Hot tears wash down my cheeks, please, Eric, I need you.

I go to bed that night sobbing, and cuddling our miracle. Please don't abandon us, min kärlek.

I waken that night to noise like banging. Are we being invaded? The Danes? Is this how my dream is to end? Because I couldn't defend a fucking daisy from the Danes. Hopefully I'm dreaming. Inside my dream, it's getting too complicated.

I have the shivers, I'm tired, and my back hurts. I see a couple of small pieces of wood still left by the fire, sit up, and reach, to add them to the fire. The door creaks open behind me.


	5. Chapter 5: Mitt Barn

Exhausted and barely able to reach forward, I'm grabbing for another stick of wood to put on the fire when I hear a crash behind me.

The door opens behind me, and I gasp as my head spins around. He's taller than I remember. Blocking the fire light, his shadow taking up the entire doorway, Eric looks almost super human. He lays his sword, and a battle axe against the wall, along with his furs, tunic, and pelts.

He sees me trying to stoke the fire, and he turns around to walk right back out immediately.

"Eric!" Don't go now! I haven't even gotten to kiss him. He comes back and wraps long, powerful arms around me. Bliss.

"First thing's first", he says. "I need to know you're warm. Hold on." He comes back with an armful of plenty of wood, and puts it by the fire. He stokes it up until the room is lit with orange light, and I can feel it becoming warmer.

"Min kärlek", he says, kneeling and taking me tightly in his arms. It's dark and there's a huge pile of furs in my lap. He hasn't noticed.

"Min kärlek", I say back, sobbing. My love. He sits beside me on the pallet and I collapse into his arms.

"I was so scared, I was so scared! Another week, and I don't know what state you would have found us in. I'm so tired." I just let myself cry in his arms like a baby.

"I'm always coming for you, always", he whispers against my ear. "I'm so sorry, I wanted to return a month ago."

"I need help, I can't do it alone", I wail.

"My little Viking, you don't have to. You have nothing else to worry about. I'm here now, and so are 65 other strong backs. But I promise you this will never happen again, you'll never be without us this long again", he says, cuddling me. "You stayed."

"I told you I would", I say squeezing him back.

His lips claim mine possessively. I pull him against me. His strong arms, his smell, his thick golden hair , brilliant blue eyes. I missed everything about him, every single detail. And now he's back, and now I feel safe, as I haven't since the day he left.

"I missed you every minute", he says.

"Every minute", I answer.

Half a year with Eric was better than a lifetime with anyone else.

His powerful body eclipses mine, and I nearly disappear in his arms. If anything, he's even more carved than before. Biceps, muscles running down the front and backs of his arms, solid shoulders, the lovely curve of muscle down his sides, his back. Ridged abs. The results of months of swinging heavy swords. He raises an eyebrow when he catches me staring.

Hee hee, I can hardly wait. He pulls back the furs, and I watch his face carefully. I'm naked. And very pregnant.

He gasps and looks me over.

"Min kärlek", he gasps, holding me to him. "When did you know?"

"A couple of weeks after you left", I say with joy, twining my arms around his neck.

He pulls me tight against him, the releases me fast.

"Jag att skada barnet?!" he cries.

"No, no, my darling, you're not hurting the baby."

And then, my big strong Viking bursts into tears.

I rock him in my arms. My sweet darling.

"It's okay", I murmur and hold him tight. "Everything is fine. I'm healthy, the baby is healthy." He's gotten me to momentarily forget our problems.

"Our family will go on", he whispers against my hair.

"Yes", I say and pull him into a kiss.

He kisses me back, and then deepens it, and he's changed on me right in that moment. His mood has shifted. He pulls me into deep a kiss and plunders my mouth.

"Let me look at you", he gasps. "Vacker." Beautiful.

He cups my head and lays me flat on the pile of furs. There are no furs left of top of me, and he looks my naked body over from head to toe. I'm self conscious and reach for the furs, but he stops me.

"Rund", whispers, and dips his head to kiss our growing bump over and over. "Rund." Round. Any other woman would take that as an insult, but the way he says it, it sounds like praying.

He moves up to my larger breasts, and weighs them again as he did our first night together. He smiles and takes a nipple in his mouth, sucking gently. He pays them worshipful attention. Then kisses up my neck, my cheeks, my forehead, and finally seizes my lips.

"Make love to me", I whisper against his ear.

"I'm too large, my Sookie. I might hurt the baby. Perhaps we should speak to a midwife first", he says. This is my dream and there's no time to send for a midwife who would probably shake a voodoo doll over my head.

"It's perfectly safe." I open my legs for him, and his desire is great, growing with or without his permission. He runs a finger up my inner thigh, practically drooling. "We'll be slow and gentle", I say. He's already hard as a rock, and he moans as I take him in my hands. He missed me a lot. I pull him down on top of me and he doesn't have the strength to argue. Easy, baby.

Oh….there. He's home. When he slips gently inside, it's like he never left. It feels like we made love just last night. My body has his memorized. He holds himself up on his arms. The feel of us tightly pressed together is gone, but there are other pleasures. Once I was in my second trimester, I became too horny to think straight, and it's continued since. I want to be pounded, but I guess that's off the table.

"Fill me", I beg him, "I missed you so much."

He cries out in pain and pleasure, trying to hold back. Neither of us wants him to. "I need….help me, Sookie", he whispers, his whole body shaking with need. His emotions are so frantic, his nerves are so shot, he's gotten stuck in them.

"Give in, min kärlek you're home", I whisper to him and he explodes hot and wet, shaking for minutes afterward.

"You missed me", I say.

"More than you could ever know. You're everything that's good and pure in this world."

Ha! But it gives me pause. Does my Eric think that?

He lays down next to me, his head on the furs next to my belly.

"Barn", he whispers. "Mitt barn." My baby. He's kissing me over and over again.

I run my fingers through his hair. He's home and warm and safe. And thrilled about our child.

"Min kvinna." My woman. He sits up and takes my lips for a claiming kiss.

"Yes", I whisper pulling him closer and he erupts into loud, happy laughter.

Tears are rolling down his cheeks again. I cry, just watching his joy.

"Mine to love, mine to protect, forever", he says. He sits up, stokes up the fire, and then pulls me down next to him. Then he lays down, pulling the furs up to my chin, spooning me. He splays a large hand over my tummy. "Min."

"Are you pleased?" I ask.

"Mycket nöjd", he answers. Greatly pleased.

I sleep like a rock.


	6. Chapter 6: Never Let Me Go

I don't want to wake now. I don't want to wake ever. I never thought I would have a baby, not his baby, and I don't want another man's.

I wake in the morning, and immediately know he's gone. I sit up straight and gasp. Was his being here a dream? How did I lose him that fast? I scramble to get up to search for him, but he comes through the door.

He's dressed and he's clearly been out already for a few hours. He sits down next to me, and strokes my bare skin with his cold hands. I shiver.

He leans down and kisses my shoulder. "You make me so proud. My mother told me everything you've done, and I've made sure everyone knows how smart and brave you are."

I've never begged for validation, maybe because I knew I'd never get it. Everyone made fun of, judged, or feared me. But I bask in his appreciation, like the warm sun.

"Good morning, my little Viking", he says and pulls me up. He throws my dress to me and I pull it over my head, and manage to get the back closed. I gasp as he scoops me up and carries me out the door, and all the way to the throne room to the big wooden table.

"Sit down", he says. Frieda comes in with food and water. "You need to keep up your strength", he says. I accept the bread, vegetables, and pieces of roasted duck.

The King walks in and sits down. "Frieda! Breakfast!" She scampers away.

The room is charged. It feels like the air right before a Louisiana thunderstorm. The kind that knocks down trees, that washes away cars on flooded bridges.

"I have to go and work. Much needs to be repaired in the village before we get too much snow. Stay here and rest, min kärlek", Eric kisses me on the cheek and turns away. His hands are shaking.

"She rests quite a bit. Had you married Lena, your wife would have understood hardship", Ulfrick says.

Hey, wait a dam n second…

Eric spins around to face him. Never in my life have I seen that look on his face. If he were my Eric, his fangs would be out. And someone would probably be dead.

"Do not speak to me old man, unless it is to abdicate the throne!" Eric roars.

"I am not only your father, but your King, and you address me as such, boy!" the King screams back.

I make a move to get up. This is between them.

"Stay and eat your breakfast, Sookie", Eric orders in a voice that brooks no nonsense.

"We were finished months ago! And what do you do? Wait for months more for no reason at all!" Eric accuses.

"Expansion…"

"You knew we couldn't!", Eric yells back. "We raided the Irish coast, and what do you do? Stay and drink, play dice with the other men while our women and children starve! If we had been home any later…."

He swallows hard. "I could have lost my wife because of you. You're unfit to rule."

I didn't see Vallandra come in, but I hear her. "Stop this at once! You both have strong personalities and so you fight. But you love each other! Eric, apologize to your father. We were fine."

"You were not fine! I walked in on my wife too tired to get firewood; she collapsed in my arms."

I feel a bit guilty. I clearly started this fight, but I hadn't exaggerated. However well we did in the summer, was how bad we were doing in the winter. We couldn't fish, I was unable to make the trip anymore, and most women would not attempt it. Crops were long dead. I suppose with time I could have learned to hunt, but I wouldn't have mastered it any time soon. Those bow strings were so tight and hard to pull back. It required upper body strength I didn't have. I couldn't have fed the village for long. We would have starved to death in the snow.

"Son, this crown isn't yours yet!" Ulfrick shouts. But there's shame in his voice.

Eric spins around. "Don't make me choose, old man! Don't make me choose, for YOUR sake." He storms out.

I look up and there is fierce hatred in the King's eyes and he's looking right at me. Vallandra puts her arm around me.

"Come now, Sookie, come with me." I stand and allow her to guide me out of the room and into my bedroom Eric and I sleep in. It seems like the safest place to hang out.

I can feel her nervousness. She's angry, but mostly worried, and shaking.

"Vallandra, are you all right?" She doesn't answer.

"I'm sorry for the part I played in all of this", I say. "I don't want them to fight. I lost my own dad and I would love to talk to him again one more time. I don't wanna come between them."

"Sookie", she starts, "I have something to explain to you. Something the King didn't share with Eric, because Eric pounced on him the minute he was up this morning."

Why did this not make me feel good?

"It's the Danes", she starts. "We have bigger problems than the two of them quarreling, but if they continue fighting with each other, nothing can save us. We're in danger. Ulfrick saw evidence of them all over the coast. They raided and went home. Their population must be growing. They may go south in the summer, but when the ice comes, they can't. They always, always want more. They'll come here instead."

Adrenaline shoots through my veins. "Are they strong? Strong enough to take on the village?" I ask.

"Much stronger than that. We have to make treaties with our neighbors and fast. We have to promise to come to each other's aid and stand together. We've lost King Olaf because Eric did not marry Lena. Maybe he'll believe we forgot", she says, hopelessly.

There had been a good reason for Eric to marry Lena, but ultimately Ulfrick had chosen his son's happiness. I hated him less. But it hurt me that my coming may hurt the village.

"Our neighbors should stand by us", she says, "With a sitting King, and a grown Crown Prince who can take the throne at any time, our family is a force. It would be much better if we had more sons….Ulfrick never admonished me that we couldn't have more children no matter how hard we tried, and we tried for years. His haunted eyes told a different tale however, a tale of fear that we would lose our only son. It happens every day. Agna was a last minute miracle as my ability to be a mother faded away. I'm grateful he didn't have more sons with another woman. Though now I think he should have."

She wipes away a tear.

She's grateful he didn't cheat on her? Another time and place, Sookie, another time and place.

"I pray to Odin that you fill a nursery with grandsons; that will only make us stronger", she goes on. "Ulfrick preferred Lena because she's a Viking and knows our ways, she's a King's daughter, and brings an alliance, and because she's his own choice. He's stubborn. He didn't see you coming."

I didn't see me coming either. Wake up, Sookie, before just being here destroys the village.

"They can't be at each other's throats", she says. "Please don't tell Eric this. His father needs to be the one to explain it to him."

There were too many lies in our past. "Please have them talk today, Vallandra. I don't keep secrets from my husband."

She nods with a smile.

"You're worthy of him, Sookie. But I think they're too angry with each other to even be in the same room." She looks me over. "You need a new dress, my dear."

"I'll try to calm him down. What's his favorite food?" I ask. It's sad I don't know this. We spent twice as much time apart as we did together.

"Other than pastries, black cod with honey sauce. That's why he's so eager to go catch some when I want it. That boy can't resist anything sweet."

Perfect. I earned my stings to get it. "I'll send the blacksmith to see if he can catch anything. It will be a nice long walk in the snow. That's what he gets for tattling on us."She laughs.

Miraculously, he comes back with several fish, and I spend the next couple of hours crafting lunch before Eric comes in out of the cold.

"You're eating too fast", I admonish as we sit alone at the big table. "I know you're upset. But you need to talk to your father. Your mother told me it's an emergency that has nothing to do with you fighting about me."

"We're not fighting about you", Eric says, reaching out to take my hand.

"You are so. Your mother told me it's an emergency, Eric. Please."

He takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'll find out what the emergency is. I promise."

That night, in the dark of our bedroom, we're sitting together on our pallet and he pulls me onto his lap.

"What are you going to do?" I ask. "Meet them on the shore?"

"I'm not talking about war. Not with you." And here comes the chauvinism.

"I'm smart and capable, Eric. I can help…."

"That's not the point. Angels shouldn't have to worry about what happens on the ground." He pulls me closer. My heart is going to burst. For now, I let it go.

He rubs my belly in circles and kisses my cheek. "How long until our little one arrives?" he asks.

"About two and half months."

"Has the baby kicked?" he asks.

"Ooooh yes", I start, but stop. He looks…broken hearted. He missed it.

"Happens all the time, I'm sure you'll feel the baby kick plenty of times", I say him, and he's smiling again.

"You'll tell me right? You'll come get me wherever I am?"

I reach up quickly and kiss him, hard. "I will find you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Is this our punishment?", he asks suddenly. "You're my angel, but you're married to the Devil. That's what they call me. They don't even know my name. That is my name." In our world, they call you "the Viking", I think. His reputation precedes him.

He sounds so sad. This Eric is a trained killer, but he doesn't like it. It's torturing him right now to think about. Something happened to him. He became a vampire of course, but something else destroyed his conscience and humanity. But I don't want to think about any of it. Not about his future or his past. Not about the victims or the victors of wars.

Not when he's cuddling me and kissing me and calling me "min kärlek" over and over with a desperate love, nuzzling my neck, my breasts. Or when he's calling me "min kvianna" with a desperate lust that makes me ache for him.

"My baby", he says, rubbing my belly.

I tip up his chin and kiss him slowly, "My baby."

"A term of endearment for your people", he says.

He settles me on his lap facing away from him and he's cupping me with a huge hand. I gasp as he pushes a big, long finger inside me, and I ride it, slowly. Then he pushes another finger inside me. I gasp. His hands are as big as everything else. With his right hand, he pumps his fingers inside me and he wraps his left arm, long and muscled, around my middle and holds me in place. "That's my girl, come for me, min liten mamma." My little mother. I come hard, screaming. It's so good, so hard, so good….oh God. "That's it, give it all to me", he moans as I clench around his fingers. He leans into me, hard as a rock. "Again?" he asks, kissing my cheek. I inhale his familiar scent and rock on his fingers again.

Later, he's not sleeping, he cuddles me close. "I'm sorry to keep you up", he says.

"Don't be sorry."

"I love you. You and our baby. Mother and Agna. That's all that matters."

I press my forehead against his, and he's shaking. "I would kill for you, I would die for you", he swears.

"Promise me you won't", I say, but he says nothing.

"Whatever happens, I know this isn't the life you're used to, I know you have every reason to leave the village as others have….just, please, don't leave me when I'm not looking. Have faith in me to protect you. Never let me go."

Tears stream down my face. My love for him and lust for him are desperate. My need to reassure him is overwhelming. "Never", I whisper and he pulls me close. I just wrap my legs around his waist and wait for the desperation of my feelings for him to ebb so I can function. I take his face in my hands. "You've been mine for longer than you could ever imagine."

And then something changes. The feel of the air. A gust a wind. Something. "Sleep, min kärlek", he says, and tucks my head under his chin.


	7. Chapter 7: The Past and the Future

Sorry for the delay guys. Thanks for your patience.

"Sookie, no one can help you now."

I open my eyes and see Claudette in pure glowing light reaching out to me.

"Claudette?! How did you get here?" I ask.

"This is a dream visitation. You must come with me, Sookie. No one can help you now. You're stuck. The only escape is with me." She reaches out her hand.

I shake my head. I'm not going anywhere without Eric.

Claudette shakes her hand harder and grits her teeth. "This is not a request, come with me, Sookie."

"Eric…."

"Was going to get you killed sooner or later. Either by his own hand, or someone else's. He's a vampire, Sookie."

"We've talked about this many times and I've made changes to my life for ya'll, but you also know Eric is nonnegotiable", I say. Damnit, I'm not having this argument again. "He's comin with me.'

"Leave him! There's nothing you can do for him. Now GIVE ME YOUR HAND, Sookie."

"No."

"I can't help you anymore, do you understand that? When I leave, you're on your own. And you are completely and utterly stuck. Come with me, please", she says.

"Only if he can come to", I tell her.

She takes a deep breath. "I love you, Sookie, but you're an idiot."

I jerk awake and my eyes pop open. I'm exactly where I fell asleep, under piles of furs. The sun is high in the sky and it has to be late morning.

Eric's head is buried between my breasts with furs over his head. Hilarious. He moans and comes awake, kissing every inch of me.

"Sookie, Sookie, Sookie….." His tongue trails up my chest, his head emerging from under the furs, kissing my neck, then my lips. "Thank goodness."

"I can't believe you could breathe down there."

"Some things are more important than breathing", he says.

"It's late", I say.

"I know. I don't want to talk to him. I know this is going to go badly", he says.

"Maybe not", I say, "This is about me…"

"It's not about you, Sookie. This has been going on with my father and I for a long time. And I know it's going to go badly",he says.

"Maybe if you just tell him what you think…"

"He never listened to me. Never in his whole life", he says. He kisses me again.

"Thank God you're safe. I'm so proud of you", he says, and pulls me tight.

"Thank you", I kiss him back.

"What's the matter?" he asks, concerned.

"Nothing. Just tired." I can't tell him I had a disturbing dream about my fairy friend.

"My beautiful wife is tired?" he asks, sarcastically, pulling me on top of him. "You have slept all night and half the day."

"So have you, it's unlike you…."

"But it's so nice and warm down here…" he says.

"What are you doing?"

"Snuggling." He's below the furs and kisses my stomach several times, then escapes to breathe again.

"And your father? Honey, you have to figure out what you're going to do."

He takes my arm, and wraps it around him. "I know. This isn't going to go well, Sookie. There are too many of them."

"You sound….different. Defeated even", I say.

"I'm not defeated, never defeated. Just realistic. I need to get you out of here."

This man- full of vim and vigor, is realistic now? "I'm not going anywhere without you, Eric", I say, "Don't even suggest that."

"I have a wife, and a child on the way, you have no idea…I love you, Sookie." He sits up and kisses me. "You're my world and everything in it."

I deepen the kiss, and cup the back of his head. "Baby…."

He moans and leans closer. He rests his head on my shoulder a moment, inhaling my scent, kisses over my throat, around the side of my neck. If this were MY Eric, this is about the time he'd bite me. Instead, he looks up, blinking big blue eyes. I kiss him, and cuddle him close. He can call himself a devil, but this human man is sweet and wholesome and decent. Deadly just the same. But with an unexpected innocence.

This Eric is but one facet of MY Eric. There are so many sides to him: strong, capable, terrifying, cruel, sarcastic, angry, overprotective, domineering, sweet, kind, lost, needy, possessive, self sacrificial. And very loving. Whatever he is, I love him, and came to terms with that a while ago. I know that I'm not aware of most of his cruelty and we're both happier that way. MY Eric. He would never be innocent again. I suspected there was one man responsible for what Eric became. One man who made sure the sun would never shine on Eric's face, or its warmth shine on his heart. And he was lucky he was dust.

"I need to get up", he says, and jumps up immediately. The loss of his warmth is instantaneous. "Sleep. My father and I will decide what to do." His blue eyes look clear and fierce and they lock on mine. "I've never gotten this far before."

It's decided that we have to get as many people on our side as possible. Vallandra goes alone, with an armed retinue of Eric's men, to see King Olaf. If he doesn't believe that she and Ulfrick forgot about the engagement with Lena, she's hoping she can talk "woman to woman" with the queen about how hopeless it is to fight against it when your child falls in love. It's worth a try. And no one would dare harm her, but none of us want to see her go alone, guarded or not.

Ulfrick doesn't do much these days but shoot daggers at me with his eyes.

When she returns, he and Eric are gone for a week to meet with the king of another village. The moment they return, Eric and I get only two nights together. I can't be on horseback, so I can't go with them.

This time, it's the great King Harald, as worried about the Danes as we are. I'm getting a history lesson in all this. We have to save these people, these people who now mean as much to me as anyone in Bon Temps.

Eric reluctantly leaves me over and over, but it's our only choice.

Vallandra governs while they're gone, but Eric has put his friend Asgar in charge of the village and he comes to me more than her about what Eric would want done. He's Eric's friend, and sees Ulfrick as an elder, a beloved King on his way out. Things are changing.

But it's been a month, and I'm worried Eric won't get back in time. It's two of us ladies in the house, with servants, and Eric's men delivering food and wood.

As Arlene would say "I am shiiiit scared." Giving birth in the Dark Ages is dangerous. Nearly a fourth of all mothers die in childbirth or from some infection soon thereafter. Of course this is all only a dream. I'm starting to lose faith in that theory. The snow feels cold. Eric's arms feel warm. The food tastes like real rustic food. I tried to make venison taste like Lafayette's Jambalaya, but it was no good. Surely I should be able to make anything happen if I'm the dreamer?

I'm pacing when Asgar runs in and tells me Eric and the King have returned. I burst through the doors and out into dirt that has been churned into mud by the rain and melting snow.

I run toward him in desperation. God, I thought he wouldn't be here for me. He swings out of the saddle and hurries toward me.

"Don't run, don't run", he insists, and catches up to me, wrapping me in his arms.

"I thought I would be alone", I sigh against his broad chest.

"Never, never, never", he whispers, kissing the top of my head.

"Tell me what happened."

Sitting at the high table, Vallandra and I listen with heavy hearts. So far, we've had the cooperation of two kingdoms. Three have turned us down. They don't believe the Danes will make it as far their villages, and they don't want to join us and lose their people unnecessarily. I guess I don't blame them, but Ulfrick and Eric are so angry, Eric swears he'll never forget their treachery. I know him well enough to believe every word.

But Eric has to admit he's done all he can. The war may come before we're parents.

As another month comes and goes, the baby is late. I feel like a time bomb; there's nothing to do but sit and wait for me to explode. It's exhausting just to get up and move around all day. Eric gets more nervous by the day.

I'm sure he's nervous about the baby, but it's something else too. For the past week, any time anyone speaks, he jumps. Freida tells us there's plenty of lamb, and he jumps. The King tells him he's sending his sword and shield to be polished, and he jumps. Pacing. Shaking hands. Every time I try to get him alone, he won't talk about it. Even in bed, we keep a hand's breath distance between us, and he just tells me to sleep. He's frightened.

Today, Vallandra is looking me over critically for the thousandth time. "Darling, if you don't deliver soon", his mother starts, "Freida…come here please and get me something of the King's, that he doesn't wear anymore….I don't know, we'll figure something out. Eric, how do you feel about lamb for dinner…?"

He jumps. "That's it", I say, and get up, taking his hand. "You tell me what is wrong right now." Finally, he sucks in a big breath.

"Sookie, I need to talk to you." His voice – he's upset. "It's past time I told you something."

"Sure", I say, alarm in my voice. " I mean, yes." He grabs my arm and we walk into our bedroom. The second we're inside, he pulls me into a passionate kiss.

"I need to tell you something", he says.

"Why does your tone scare me? And what is wrong with your mother?"

"Oh that." He laughs hard. "Sookie, you have to understand these are Vikings. You're the shortest woman they've ever seen for one thing. My mother and the men think it's endearing." He kisses my forehead.

"What?" I grit out.

"That you're so incredibly and unbelievably fat. They don't know how you walk. Frankly, neither do I. You look 12 months along. I fear there's not enough wool in all of Sweden to keep you covered. Perhaps next spring we can buy some sheep from the Britons."

For a second, I can't think much less talk. Oh my f*cking God. Tears prick at the back of my eyes, but then I narrow them. The teasing smirk on his face that's headed toward a smile is his tell. My Eric could never win at poker. I have no idea how he fooled Russell twice.

There's only one person I know who would be THAT rude. Who loves to push my buttons. Only one who is that brutally honest, emphasis on brutal.

"Eric?"

"Yes", he says, and drags me into a kiss.

"Eric, Eric…" I squeeze him, kiss him, the man I love, for all his flaws is back.

"Asshole! How long?" I smack his chest.

"I think you know. The morning you woke up telling me I sounded different."

I remember the strange feeling I had when I went to bed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I smack him again.

"When I stepped into this world, you were so close to him, there was so much love between, you and him…me and you, I can't keep it straight. Like me without my memory. Honestly, I thought you liked him better", he says, a vulnerable crack in his voice.

"I do", I hiss, glaring at him.

He's wounded. "It seems, Mrs. Northman, you prefer every Eric but the one you married."

"Idiot." I smack him a third time. Then pull him into a hug and try to disappear in his arms.

"What's going on? What does this mean?" I ask.

"I don't know", he answers.

"What happened?"

"I put you into a dream state. I thought you could see what it could have been like if we were together in my old life. But then you didn't wake up. I tried everything, but I couldn't wake you up. I stayed up all day trying to wake you, but you know how hard it is for a vampire to stay awake during the day. I must have fallen asleep myself and joined you."

F*ck. "How do we get out of here?!" For the first time since I got here, I allow myself to fall into a fit of sobs about our situation, and admit my fear. What is to become of us? Are we stuck here forever? Can we contact anyone to wake us up?

"It's been almost two years here", I say, "How long has it been in real life?"

"Two days", he says.

"Claudine." But she's not here, she warned me.

"She visited me in a dream", I explain. "She asked me to go with her."

"And you didn't?! Dammit, Sookie."

"I'm not going anywhere without you."

"Why can't you ever be sensible?!" he shouts. "Our actual bodies are lying there on your bed. I could go for years without blood. It wouldn't be comfortable, but technically I could go centuries. It's already been two days since you had any water. A few more and you'll be in serious trouble. Sooner rather than later, you'll die, if we can't do something fast. And now I can't help you."

"Someone will find us. I haven't been to work for two days now, Sam will get worried. Someone will come find us."

"You're so sure?" he asks, angrily. "And then what if they can't wake you up?"

"Can you contact Pam?"

"I've been trying since I got here. I've been trying to wake us up since then too. But we seem to be…stuck."

"Dammit." Now it's four times I've hit him. "What does any of this mean? This is a dream right? Do you recognize any of this? Please tell me you don't."

He sighs and closes his eyes. "I do recognize it. The words, the actions, I've lived it all before. All of it except you. My father and I never got along. I spent most of my twenties with one woman or another. And half my thirties too before…Russell came with his wolves and killed my entire family. You have to understand for my people back then, back….now, everything was the Danes' fault. Everything, it had to be. It was the way we thought.

I swore vengeance, thinking he was a Dane. And the Danes came and we fought and everyone died. I fought to the death to protect my village, and to get vengeance for my family, but I died in battle. Asgar and Ysgar waited with me. I remember just lying there waiting to die, so angry with myself for not seeing that sword swing coming. Waiting for my body to burn, so I could go to Valhalla. It was only later with Godric that I found out Russell had nothing to do with the Danes or with any world I ever knew. When I said I had never gotten this far, it was true. I had never made this much progress or did this much war planning with my father. I was always…gone. And he died before we could talk. I hoped to get enough help to prevent a slaughter this time. But the past just keeps repeating itself."

No, no, no. This has a different ending this time. I'm here now, and everything has changed, right?

"But this is different", he goes on. "I haven't spent the past two years in this world between an anonymous woman's legs. I've spent them with you. I've spent more time learning to be King. I'm going to be a father…" He falters.

He squeezes his eyes closed and mutters "Please, please, please."

"Eric!" I grab his hand.

"Sookie…" There are tears in his eyes. "Getting married sounded like a death sentence to me back then. It meant a wife, babies, no more fun. No more women and wine. So I refused. And spent a millennium regretting it. It's all I've ever wanted for many years. I told my father I would marry when I was ready. It's been a thousand years, and I'm more than ready. You have no idea how glad I am to have you for my wife. Or to be a father. I never thought, never, ever…"

I hold him close. "Our baby, Eric. What happens? Is the baby only in our dream? What if we love the baby and lose it? If I die asleep, will our baby die too?"

"Sookie!" He yanks me hard into his arms. "I swear. I swear to you, that will never happen. I will fix this. I'm not weak."

He always says he's not weak whenever anyone tries to help him with anything.

"No one said you were", I say, clinging to him. "You have to save us, Eric."

He inhales sharply. "I swear I will."

"Oh God!"

I double over.

"Sookie!"

"It's the stress, it has to be." I press my hand against my belly. Be still baby, not now.

But the floor beneath me is soaked. "Eric!"


	8. Chapter 8: Eric Jason

His mouth falls open, and he just stands there, big blue eyes open wide.

"Are you having a stroke? Wake up!" I yell, and hit on the arm.

"Vallandra!" I shout.

She rushes into the room. "Sookie! The baby is coming!" The bath house was prepared a month ago as a birthing pavilion. I had looked several times on the fur strewn bed that was going to be my personal hell in a world without drugs.

"Eric, take your wife to the bath house. Eric!"

He's standing there, staring.

"Eric!" his mother shouts. Nothing.

"Bring a doctor, I think he needs one", I hiss.

"Eric!" She shakes his arm. "Eric!"

His head turns finally and he stares down at her. "Son, you need to get the midwife. Sookie is giving birth."

He meets my eyes. I just nod my head. We're both terrified.

He scoops me up in his arms and I try to ignore everything except the smell of the sun on his skin, the feel of his hair against my face, even the stink of the animal furs. I know half the village is assembled watching. Best wishes are being shouted my way by dirt-covered men, with heavy deer slung over their shoulders. I squeeze my eyes closed. The entrance to the bathhouse is covered with thick furs that fall almost to the floor. He shoves them aside, and then sets me down gently, and runs off again.

"It will be all right", Vallandra says, with a smile.

He comes back, nearly dragging the poor woman with him. I've met the midwife before, but only once. She's a thrall, a slave one of his men had brought back as a bed slave. She has a tan, and her hair and eyes are dark.

"Help", he yells, pointing to me. Me caveman. C'mon Eric, I need 2012 you today.

She kneels down, and I can't see her.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Putting a knife beneath the bed. To cut the pain."

"Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

Vallandra just stares. "It means she doesn't like it in her culture", Eric says.

"Eric…." I hiss.

He comes up beside me and leans down. I whisper hard.

"I can't push until I'm at 10 centimeters. I need you to keep an eye on this, literally. Don't let this bitch kill me."

He smiles and bites back a chuckle. "We're doing this together", he says.

None too gentle, Eric grabs the midwife by the furs draped around her, and hauls her to her feet. "We need warm water. And clean cloth. Make sure it's clean. Boil water over the stove and I want you to rinse your hands in hot water every time before you touch my wife." Infections killed. There was no anti-bacterial soap, no sterilized hospitals. Hot water would make a big difference though.

"It's wrong for a man to be in the room with a delivering woman", the midwife informs him, not listening.

How did I tell her it was best not to piss Eric off on a good day, much less right now?

Luckily, Vallandra sees him seething. "Have you forgotten you're addressing our next King?" Vallandra asks, and the woman turns red.

"Go, woman!" he barks and she scuttles off.

He orders a bench put beside the bed and he sits down.

"So what is it you like so much about him?" he says, squeezing my hand.

"Who?"

"Me. Only not me. Him. Like the man I was when I lost my memory, what is it about him?"

"You're asking me this now?"

"Yes. I need to be distracted or I'll lose my mind. You've seen me, all of me. Do you love the Eric I am now?" he asks, almost desperately.

"You know that I do. I married you, and I want to spend my life with you."

"I've changed though I know", he whispers. "I was…happy. I believed I was invincible, that life always turned out how it should. I was truly a Viking, and I believed I could accomplish anything…but I've lost that."

"You haven't changed at all", I say, but he doesn't detect the aggravation in my voice. "You can build and you can hunt, and you can protect the village. You're still tall, handsome, strong, capable…."

He smiles.

"And dumber than a box of rocks! Stop talking bullshit to me and go see what's holding up the midwife!"

His face falls, he growls, and stomps off.

They both come back with buckets of steaming water and cloths.

An intense pain shoots from my spine all the way through me. "Don't you people have any kind of drugs or something? Anything?"

He looks unnerved.

"You have many hours left, Princess, maybe a day", the midwife points out.

"A day?!"

Eric sits beside me again and grabs my hand. "You can do this. I've underestimated you many times, but not this time. You can do this, I know you can."

I'm not completely unaccustomed to pain. I've been stabbed and beaten, all part of the price of association with vampires. And I've been bitten of course, more times than I can count. Maybe it won't be too bad.

It's been hours and the only sound I can hear anymore is my own scream. Poor Eric. I almost feel worse for him than for me. He presses my hand against his lips, covering it with hot tears. He gets up and paces. He goes outside and screams. I can hear him throwing things.

"Son!" Ulfrick shouts from outside. "I know how hard it is to wait. But she will give you a healthy child, I know it. And hopefully she will survive too."

"Hopefully?!" Eric booms, "What you feel for my mother isn't a shadow of what I feel for Sookie. I would die to save her. I would die to take away her pain. If you don't understand that, get away from me old man!"

"Who said I didn't understand it! I love your mother just as much, and it nearly killed me waiting for you."

Silence.

"Eric!" It's Asgar that I hear now. Of course. His men are also waiting for word. "Calm yourself!"

"It's not your wife." But of course Asgar lost Ingrid when she left him for another man. But Eric is too upset to be tactful.

Eric shoves away the curtain of furs and comes back in the room, sitting and grabbing my hand.

"I can't turn you, baby, I can't turn you. You have to survive this. Hang on, just hang on, I'm here." He kisses my forehead, my cheeks, my lips.

"Check again", I say, and he gets up, ducking his head beneath a thin cover.

"Your Highness, that is obscene!" the midwife screams again but there's nothing she can do about it. Again, I know she's apart from them. Virtually nothing is "obscene" to a Viking.

"Almost there", he says, and sits down, taking my hand.

This could not possibly be a dream could it? If it was only a dream, I could make this feel like a day in the park, but it doesn't.

A scream tears through me. Eric gets up again. "Time to push", he says.

I hear my own scream and what feels like being torn in half. But I'm welcoming the pain at this point, it means I'm not dead and still conscious.

"One more big push", he says.

"I can't. I've never been this tired in my life", I gasp.

"One more, you can do it, you can do anything." I squeeze his hand hard as I can and he screams the same time I do.

But the baby screams louder.

"You have a healthy son", the midwife beams, proudly.

Eric's mouth falls open. He takes the baby from her and stares down at his son like he's the miracle he is. He may actually be drooling he's so lost in thought. I can't believe we pulled this off here. Eric has waited to be a father far longer than anyone should.

"Let me see him", I say and he lays the baby on my chest. He's a big baby with an impressive set of lungs.

Eric kneels by the bed, kissing us both. "What will we call him?" he asks.

"Eric Jason."

He raises an eyebrow. "Eric Jason? Really?"

"Or Earl for my granddaddy", I offer.

"Eric Jason it is", he says. Neither of us can stop smiling.

Whatever his name is, he's hungry and I jump the first time he eats. But as he settles down, the pull is strangely familiar. Everything is a blur to me. Eric thanks the midwife and hugs his mother. Vallandra has to stare down at the baby, smiling. Ulfrick comes in, and for once, smiles at me, and nods his approval.

I can hear Eric outside, boisterous now, as his men clap him on the back and shout with happiness. Word has gotten around. It's a son, and a big, healthy one. I can hear them yelling like only drunken men can about Eric's prowess. I did all the work, thank you very much. Eric calls for more beer for everyone. They'll be passed out by morning.

It's been a while when the baby starts to fall asleep. Eric tickles his cheek. "He has a big appetite", I tell Eric with a kiss.

"He's his father's son", Eric says with a wink. The midwife comes back to take our sleeping son away.

"I could never stop feeding either", Eric whispers hotly against my ear. I can't understand how on earth I could get sexually excited at the present moment, but Eric has done it, like always.

The midwife returns to put me to bed. "Your Highness, your wife needs to rest", the midwife says.

Eric hops up in bed and cradles my head on his shoulder. He doesn't need to speak to let everyone else know it's time to leave. Emotionally exhausted, he passes out immediately. I roll my eyes, and can hear him snoring when I fall asleep.

And so he is not there once again when there is a knock at the door. And a hooded man asks for some sheep for his wolves.


	9. Chapter 9: Destined to Be

Something is wrong. My eyes flutter open. I've been asleep for hours, and now everything is in a fog, and my mouth tastes like cotton. I'm awake enough to take a deep breath and try to clear my head. Eric is curled up next me, out like a light, smelling of beer and sweat. He has a strong arm wrapped around me like a vise. I smile, nobody is going to take me away from you, baby. I stroke his arm. Then I try to get up, but he's not budging. I pull away harder, but he grunts and tightens his hold. I grab my pillow and put it on the other side of him, and he rolls over and seizes it instead of me.

Then I stand up. Bad idea. My legs give out and I grab the bench next the bed, but it slides loudly across the flag stone and rushes, and I tumble onto the floor.

"Sookie!" Eric rubs his eyes, and he sits up quickly. He jumps out of bed, and lifts me off the floor. "Are you crazy? You shouldn't even think about getting out of bed yet."

He lays me down next to him. "Do you need something?"

Water. This is the first time I've noticed I'm unbelievably thirsty. It doesn't make any sense; I've been eating and drinking here for nearly two years. But I haven't, have I? Not really. I can't tell him.

He presses his forehead to mine. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I need to get up. Something feels…off."

Then, suddenly – a sharp female scream.

Shouting… the sounds of iron swords crashing together. Eric is up and out of bed in a second, searching for his sword. It would normally be within reach, except that we're in the bath house.

"By our bed", I say, but he's already clothed and running out the door.

"What do you think it is?" I gasp, trying to get up.

"Lie still!" he orders.

"Eric, I have to know…."

He runs out, apparently done with the conversation. Dammit. Beyond our curtained world, the night is dark and the stars are dim. Anything might be happening.

Two of Eric's men, armed to the teeth, shove their way in. I'm not exactly dressed, and pull the furs on top of me.

"Lie still, we don't know what's going on yet", Ysgar says.

"I can't just lie here when I don't know what's happening! Go back to Eric, he may need you!"

"Eric's kvinnan är framfusiga", the blonde one says. Eric's woman is pushy. He has no idea.

"Our orders are to watch over you", Ysgar offers.

I don't know the other one's name. Ysgar I will always remember from his shaggy red beard. And his odor if nothing else.

He looks down at me with a smile, and then pats me on the head. I can feel how deeply he cares not only for Eric, but now for me. I'm part of this place.

"There is someone more important now to look after, and you know it! I need to get to Eric, and I need someone strong to get to the Crown Prince. What if something happens to both Eric and the King? My son is all that is left."

I try again to get up.

"Stop!" Ysgar insists, trying to hold me down. He doesn't have to try hard, I'm weak as a kitten.

"Eric would kill us if we left you!" the blond one shouts.

"This is about more than Eric now!" I boom. "I'm going to Eric. Ysgar, you're going to find the midwife. Protect my son." I squeeze his hand hard and look into his eyes. "Promise me you will protect him with your life."

"I swear it", Ysgar says, standing straighter.

"Go!" I shout. And foolishly stand up. And nearly fall.

They look at each other, and then Ysgar puts his arm around me and puts me back in bed. "And they say you're not a Viking. I'm going to get the Crown Prince. Jon will go help Eric. But you, are staying here. I'll be back as fast as I can."

"We have orders not to leave her!" Jon shouts.

"She's right. She and our new Prince may be all we have left. We all pray not, but we have to protect the ones we know are still alive. Eric would agree. He would want us to protect his son. He would want you to stay with her, Jon, but we're going to disobey him just this once, because I will be right back."

"Ysgar, is it the Danes?"

"Who else?", he whispers. Who else indeed since Eric told me they believe the Danes are responsible for everything.

"Go", I repeat, heatedly, and they run out in different directions.

I have to make sure my child is all right. That's all that matters. When I know he's safely in Ysgar's strong arms, I'm going to help my stubborn husband whether he likes it or not.

Furs are covering the doorway and I can't see anything. Eric would tell me to keep quiet and out of sight.

I struggle to get to my feet and throw on a nightgown. It feels like a lifetime until I get my balance.

I step outside into a black, moonless night. I have to squint to see around the corner to see Ysgar dragging the midwife back to the bathhouse. He was her arm in one hand, and my son cradled in his other arm.

I take off as fast as I can toward the main house. No one stops me as I barge right now.

Inside, Eric's men are everywhere. They're searching the house, and barely look up when I walk by. But the most shocking part is the overwhelming silence. It's clear whatever was happening has already happened. The silence is interspersed with crying. And then wailing, horrible wailing. Men and women alike. Frieda is collapsed against the wall.

Near the high table, Eric is kneeling over his father, who is gushing blood from the neck.

"You're King", Ulfrick says.

"No. I will not allow it. Help!" Eric shouts.

"You know what to do", Ulfrick says.

Eric nods. "Yes."

"Vengeance."

Eric runs toward the door. In the distance is a man in a heavy cloak with a hood, surrounded by wolves. He holds a golden crown in his hand. "Don't be a hero, Viking."

"I'm not waiting a thousand years for vengeance this time, Russell", Eric whispers hotly, grabbing his sword.

Can this happen? Can we change events in a dream?

"Eric!"

He spins around to see me clutching the table and about to fall.

He drops the sword and runs over to me, catching me. Was Russell destined to get away? Eric is no longer a green young man, confused about what to do next in the face of his family's deaths. But my actions made sure Russell got away anyway.

"Sookie?! Where is Ysgar? I will KILL him!"

"Eric, no, I sent him to protect our son."

Silence. In the silence between us, is the cacophony of wailing.

Vallandra, Ulfrick, and even poor little Agna are dead. Lying in pools of blood on the floor, their throats ripped out.

I choke out a sob, and vomit.

"Sookie! I'll have their hides." He says it a little too quietly and calmly. It's scary. "You need to get back to bed." He rubs my back until I take deep breaths again.

"Eric…"

"I was going to prevent it this time, Sookie, I was going to prevent it!" he howls. He picks up a dish and hurls it across the room where is smashes into the wall. The servants scurry away, terrified.

"Eric. Eric, stop!" I walk over to him. I reach up and take his face in my hands. "Have you ever thought maybe you couldn't? That this was destiny? It's a just dream, Eric, I don't know that we can alter history."

"And yet you purposely made sure to let Russell get away. You didn't leave it to fate", he spits, way too observant.

"You're still human."

"Have you so little faith in me?"

"I have faith in you, Eric. But you're only human, and Russell is a two thousand year old vampire already, with a pack of Nazi werewolves! I think history is written, I don't think our dream can change anything. But if I was wrong, he would have killed you. I couldn't take that chance."

He shakes me off, furious. His men are standing around listening, watching us like we've lost our minds. They're confused. They could have sworn it was an animal attack. And yet here are men lying dead where the wolves were standing.

"And what happens when I DIE in battle, Sookie?", Eric yells, "It has to happen if what you say is true. If I don't die, I don't meet Godric and become a vampire, and if I don't become a vampire, we never meet. And therefore cannot be on your bed dreaming together, correct?" He's shouting so angrily, filled with hate. "But that doesn't account for you being here. What if nature takes its course with me, but you're left here alone? What happens when my time comes, Sookie? It's coming fast."

"According to what you said, I may not have any more time than you do", I cry, tears running down my face.

Ysgar has caught up with us. He looks around and howls with anger. Then he hands me the baby.

"Eric, vengeance", he says, shaking with anger and sadness, and clapping my husband on back.

Eric just stares at the bodies of his parents.

"Eric, tell us what to do!" Asgar yells from behind us. "They now have the power of the Underworld. And who knows what things of horror they had to do to harass such power. They are no longer men, but men who turn into animals. I say we kill every Dane!"

Shouts of agreement go up. He bows his head. "Your word is our command, my King."

"Take the Queen and my son back to bed, and DO NOT allow her to leave again", he hisses.

The Queen.

Ysgar isn't brooking my nonsense this time, and sweeps me up in his arms, like I weigh an ounce, faster than I can blink. I'm still cuddling my son.

"Eric!" I cry, but Ysgar already has us out of the room. He kicks open the door to Eric's and my bedroom, and sets me down on my feet.

"Do I need to put a guard on the door?" he asks me.

"No", I whisper, wiping away a tear. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble. I had to know…"

"Eric is only doing what's best for you. He adores you, can't you see that, little one?" Of course I know that.

"I'm average height where I come from, for your information", I frown.

He laughs. "Of course, little one, of course."

"I'll take him while you lie down", he says. I hand the baby to him, and try to lie down on the pallet, but lose my balance.

It's too much, too much stress, too much pressure, I'm too thirsty, too scared, and so very tired. I feel myself falling, and hear the crack of my head hitting the floor and everything is black.

Will I see Gran and Grandaddy? My Momma and Daddy?

But when I open my eyes, everything hurts too bad for me to dead.

Eric is sitting with me, holding my hand against his lips. "You're awake! I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I'm so sorry."

"Eric…"

"First tell me you're all right!"

"I'm all right", I say, squeezing his hand.

"You were right to stop me. You just have no idea how hard it is forgoing vengeance. But my life is with you and our son now. It was the past or the future, and you chose wisely, Sookie. Whether fate had already decided or not", he says.

"The baby has to be starving by now…."

"A new mother in the village is nursing him", Eric says, kissing my hand, "he's fine."

"I didn't mean to say all those things, I'm sorry. You won't watch me die again, nothing will happen to you. I'll wake us up", he insists. When?

"I know all about wanting vengeance, Eric. My Momma and Daddy didn't die in a flood, and you know it. But, we have to worry about our son now."

"You're right", Eric insists. "Now we have to be concerned about getting out of here. I will wake us up, I swear to you."

"Our son doesn't belong in our world. Will he just cease to be? Will he die?" I cry.

He gulps in a breath and says what neither of us wants to say. "I don't know."

I sob and can't stop. "Sookie, Sookie, please, you're killing me. You're breaking my heart", he says through his tears.

"I did this", he says.

"You did this." Maybe later, I can be more merciful, I can forgive. But right now I hate him as much as I love him.

In a day, I recover enough strength to stand, and in two, I can walk. I feel silly just lying around. Naturally, a real Viking mother would have been back on her feet immediately. As has been pointed out. But Ysgar is incredibly concerned and keeps sticking his head in to make sure I'm all right. I can hear him apologizing to Eric for the millionth time.

If Vallandra was still alive, I can only imagine what she'd say. I'll miss her so much. Her advice, her kindness, her friendship, even her teasing. I know Eric's father didn't particularly care for me. But I think that had more to do with wanting his family to survive than real aggression toward me. I wouldn't cry at his loss. And poor little Agna would never get the chance to grow up.

Ulfrick and Vallandra and little Agna are to be cremated on the King's favorite longship. It's to be set on fire and launched into the Baltic Sea. It must be done when the stars are bright, supposedly, so we wait for the cloud cover to dissipate.

But I can't be sad now. I've tried, it's simply impossible. There are ten little nibbly fingers and toes, the deep cooing sound he makes when he's happy, the intake of breath, and cheeks as velvety as peach skin. I love, love, love my son. I can't think about anything else. He makes me smile every minute.

I'm pacing around our room, jiggling him. "Shhhh." He's wailing at the top of his lungs. I refuse to let him spend any more time in the company of midwives or wet nurses. I'm his Momma.

"Momma loves you", I whisper to him, kissing his tender little head. "Sleep. Sleep."

He wails one last time and settles. He's wrapped up tight in little fur blankets.

"You work magic", Eric says, coming back behind me. He cuddles up behind me and wraps his long arms around me, kissing my cheek. He touches the baby's forehead and strokes his soft little cheek. "You glamour him."

He lets me go and backs off, just staring at us. "Vacker." I smile. "Beautiful."

But he can't stay so far away for long, and runs back over. He presses his forehead against mine, and we gaze down at our son.

"He smells good", Eric says.

"He does smell good."

"He looks like you", he says, as I say, "No, he looks like you" at the same time.

"Look at those enormous blue eyes", I say. "Those are from his Daddy."

The baby wails as a tear falls down and smacks him on the forehead.

Tears are slipping down Eric's cheeks.

"Sorry, sorry", he says and we both laugh. "Sorry to wake you, son."

"You're angry" he says to me, "You have every reason to never forgive me."

"Eric, let's not talk about it right now."

My son just wails at the top of his lungs. "He's hungry."

My husband then picks me up and carries us both to the pallet. He sits down, holding me in his lap. "Hold E.J. a sec, I have to pull down my dress."

"E…what? What did you just call my son?" Eric asks, with the eyebrow again.

"Well Eric Jason is a mouthful", I say. The baby is wailing.

"What's-his-name is hungry", I laugh and Eric hands him to me to breastfeed.

"Vikings don't do initials, Sookie."

"His name would really be Eric Ericssohn wouldn't it?" I ask.

Eric narrows his eyes. "How did you know that?"

I roll my eyes at him. "Because I'm a waitress I don't read?"

"I never said that. We both know how smart you are, way too smart sometimes."

Eric watches his son eating, almost astonished. He sucks in a breath and wipes away a tear. "Love you, Sookie."

Oh my. I pull him close. "It's okay, baby, it's okay."

"I will do anything to save you." He worries me. He has that look on his face, that same look he wore the dawn that Godric killed himself.

"Eric, relax. Just like you said, we'll wake up." And it's that moment when I realize he's not so certain of that himself.

"Min kärlek", I whisper to him.

"Min kärlek", he says back to me, and then our son.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake up on our pallet, the baby nearby on a pillow, wrapped up tight. He's sleeping soundly. Eric is nowhere to be found.


	10. Chapter 10: A Viking Funeral

Hours later, I find Eric sitting at the high table going through pages of sheep skin with writing on them.

"Eric?"

He pushes the pages aside quickly.

"Sookie, should you be up?" he asks, walking over to me and holding me tight against him.

"I'm fine", I say with a tight smile. He's hiding something from me. "What are you reading?"

He tucks me under his chin. "Something I hope may help us", he says.

"The funeral is tonight?" I ask.

"Yes. My family will go to Valhalla together tonight", he says, with certainty.

Eric is an atheist. Even after the Lilith debacle. Maybe especially after it. He has 1,000 years experience telling him not to believe in fairy tales. So to speak. So it's very strange that he sounds so certain, so desperate to be right.

The stars are shining. I'm about to attend a Viking funeral, and I don't know how I feel about it. I know his men consider it mollycoddling, but I'm not taking my newborn outside in the freezing cold, much less to watch his family go up in flames. The midwife is taking care of him.

The longship rests on the beach. A bonfire burns brightly nearby. I find it almost impossible to believe these people rowed all the way to Nova Scotia within the next two hundred years in this thing. I haven't seen my husband. Ysgar, who seems to have appointed himself my new protector, is cuddling me against him as the sharp wind whips through the valley and sweeps over the water.

Despite the frigid night, many of the men are bare-chested. They're angry, and I can feel it, smell it. They want vengeance. Their King has been murdered, along with their Queen and Princess. They want blood.

Jugs are being passed around, and men take gulps of what can only be beer from it. As the shouting and screaming grows louder, I think Ysgar is holding onto me for more reasons than the cold. Things could get out of control fast.

I squeeze my eyes closed, but pop them back open again as silence falls over the crowd. Four men carry Ulfrick, in his finest array, toward the longship.

Two men I don't know, Asgar, and Eric are carrying him. The villagers bow their heads. They climb a wooden ladder onto the ship and lay him down gently.

As they climb down the ladder, Eric searches the crowd for me. He meets my eyes, then looks quickly away.

Three men return with Vallandra, and the tears behind my eyes come out in a sob.

Ysgar holds me closer. Eric is walking behind them with his tiny baby sister in his arms.

Once the others in place, all four men take up long pieces wood, shove them under the ship, and launch it into the water.

"Farväl fader, moder, Agna", Eric calls, and I can hear the tears in his eyes. Farewell.

I pull away to go to him, but Ysgar is insistent that I don't. He looks me in the eye and shakes his head. Do I have reason to fear my husband right now? Fearing Eric isn't new to me, but it's been a long time since I felt anything from him but love.

I hear women crying quietly, and children crying in confusion.

With a roar, Eric lights a torch from the bonfire. When the longship is safely far enough from shore, he hurls it into the air, and it lands on the ship. The dry wood bursts quickly into flames.

The crying is done. Shouts, screams, roars, growling. The men pound their swords against their shields. They light torches and march across the beach. Eric is growling and screaming.

"Hämnd!" Vengeance. This is the Eric I've never seen. His men take up the chant, pounding their swords against the shields.

"Hämnd, hämnd, hämnd!" Their individual cries meld together until they shout as one.

This is about more than his family. Eric is heartbroken, but he's been through this before. I'm sure knowing and losing his family again is terrible. But there's something else.

He takes out a dagger and holds up his arm, slicing into it. "Odin, VITTNE mitt slaktoffer!"

Ysgar scoops me up in his arms and carries me away.

"Ysgar!"

"Time for you to go, little one."

He pushes through the crowd. I bury my face against his neck.

I feel the extreme temperature difference as he pushes open the door to the main house and there is a roaring fire in the throne room. He keeps walking and takes me to the bedroom.

He sets me down on the pallet, then stokes up the fire.

"Why did you pull me out of there?" I ask.

"It was no longer safe. No one would purposely hurt their Queen, but accidents happen when people are angry and drunk."

"Thank you."

He almost blushes. "You're welcome. I will bring the Prince to you."

Odin, witness my sacrifice. I don't understand.

"Ysgar, will Eric come to bed tonight?" I ask.

He looks away. "I don't know, little one."


	11. Chapter 11: Sacrifice

I wake up the next morning to the baby crying.

Eric did not come to bed, that much is obvious. I feed the baby, get up and dressed, and when he's asleep again, I go out to see what the morning is like after a night like last.

The house is mostly asleep. Servants lower their heads as I walk by. They're clearly not sure what to expect, and neither am I.

I peek out the front door. Men are literally asleep on the ground, with empty beer jugs beside them. I imagine most of the villagers got to their beds last night, but a few of them were too drunk to make it.

Several of his men are sleeping in hall, presumably for protection detail, but he's not among them. His parents' room is empty, but I didn't expect him to be there. I don't know where to find the man I married, and I'm trying to fight back tears. Knowing Eric, he hasn't taken care of his arm.

In the kitchen, Frieda is quietly washing dishes.

"Frieda", I whisper.

She jumps and her head swings around.

"Majesty", she sighs, a hand on her chest, "I didn't hear you come in."

"My nerves are shot too", I share, "And you don't have to call me that. I can't imagine ever bein comfortable with that."

She nods her head and sighs again.

"I need some clean cloth, please." She hands me her towel. "No, no, clean."

She brings back a rag newly scrubbed. "Thanks. You haven't seen Eric have you?"

He shakes her head no.

Why can't he share his grief with me? I walk into the throne room, and there he is, awake, sitting at the high table, reading. He ripped part of his tunic off and it's wrapped haphazardly around the wound. Blood is dripping on the table.

I walk over to him slowly, and clear my throat so he knows I'm coming. He puts the pages down.

"Let me help you", I say, sucking in breath, "Your arm needs to be bandaged."

"I'm sorry if you were scared", he says, "Ysgar promised to take care of you, because I….couldn't."

"It's okay, you're hurt. You loved them."

I reach out for his arm, and for a second, I don't think he's going to give it to me. But he holds it out. "I'll have Frieda make you a poultice, you know it's too dangerous to leave a wound that could get infected untreated. Eric…what did you mean when you said "Odin, witness my sacrifice?", I ask him.

"I forgot you understand Swedish", he says with a sad chuckle. "But it was only a blood sacrifice to send my family on their way to Valhalla. Nothing for you to be concerned about."

"I've never heard of that", I say. "Didn't the burning ensure it? They received a proper burial."

He stands up, growls at me, and casts a frown down at me. "What makes you think you know everything, or even anything, about my world?" Eric always gets angry when he's nervous.

"It's my world now too, Eric."

"It will never be, Sookie, no matter how long you spend here", he says. "You will never understand."

Now that pisses me off. "I'm the person who saved this village, Eric! While you were off doing God knows what! These are my people too!" Raising my voice makes me choke.

I inhale and swallow hard.

"Sookie?"

He tries to meet my eyes, but I won't look at him. He takes my chin in his hand and tips it up. "Look at me, Sookie. Are you thirsty?"

"No, just tired…."

"Sookie!" He takes me by my shoulders and shakes me. I don't want to cry, but I can't stop it.

"Yes. You're scaring me, Eric", I say, and know I sound like I'm blubbering.

"Water!" he screams at the top of his lungs. He's been scared about this for a long time.

"Why do I feel thirsty in my dream?" I ask.

"Your body is trying to wake you up", he says.

Frieda comes in with a cup and a full bucket. I smile. She wasn't taking any chances.

"Drink, it might help", he insists.

While I'm drinking the water, it feels amazing, like relief. But as soon as I've swallowed it, the feeling comes right back. I just shake my head "no."

Eric growls, and slams the cup onto the table. "Dammit!"

Frieda runs in terror.

"Eric, you're not helping!"

Asgar chooses this moment to come in, and clears his throat. I look away.

"The Danes have passed the fourth marker. We need to kill them all. Who knows what they may be capable of!" Asgar insists.

"I've told you we don't need to go to them, they're coming to us. Trust that I know what I'm talking about, and obey me."

Asgar dips his head. "My King."

"Nevermind that, what about the information I asked for? Sookie, go…"

E.J. cries from our bedroom, hungry once again. "Your child is crying for you", Eric points out to me, but I want to hear what this about.

"Eric, I couldn't find it…."

"Did you ask the elders?" Eric asks.

"I thought the Danes would be more important…"

"I asked one thing of you", Eric seethes, "You said you wouldn't fail me."

I had no experience with the Eric I met last night, but this one…this one I know well.

"How could you fail me?!" he howls. Asgar ducks.

"I'll find someone who knows, My King", Asgar assures him.

"Come back when you have…." Eric grits out.

E.J. cries again.

"Eric…" I start.

"Feed my son, woman!" he screams at me, pointing down the hall to our room. "Are you deaf? Do you not hear him crying for his mother?"

I gasp. And then I'm running. Eric has not shown me that face in years.

E.J. is screaming at the top of his lungs, but he quiets immediately when I snuggle him against me. He's hungry all the time. Eric's son, just like he said. He makes a cooing sound and snuggles closer.

As I burst into tears, E.J. wails. He knows something is wrong.

Eric walks in as I'm holding the baby close. He has a full bucket of water and a cup in one hand. "Sookie, I can't apologize enough…"

"Go away."

"I have to ask of you what I asked of Asgar. Trust me. I'm going to fix this. I'm sorry", he says, dragging me into his arms, "I'm sorry." He kisses the top of my head. "I don't want you to worry. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable. Maybe if you keep water near you to drink all the time, it might feel better."

"Eric, I don't know what you're up to, but you're not God."

"I've been told otherwise", he says, crooking an eyebrow.

"Did you have these people chained up when you asked them?"

He snorts. "Sit."

He takes the baby, while I sit down, and then he places E.J. in my arms, where he nurses hungrily. Eric sits down next to us, and pulls me onto his lap.

"Eric, no…" I pull away. "You can't solve everything that way."

"Just let go", he says, "Please trust me. Let me worry."

I don't say anything, just pat my son's back as he nurses.

"He's certainly a big eater. Doesn't let a drop get away", Eric muses, running his fingers up and down his son's arm.

"Told you he was like you."

I bury my face in his chest and sob. E.J. lets out a plaintive wail as I squeeze him too tight.

Eric chuckles. "See, our son agrees, you need to let go a bit."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." I kiss the top of his head.

"Get some rest, let me take him", Eric offers. And he pushes the bucket my way. "And keep drinking."

"Let your momma rest." He picks the baby up, and holds his head, tucking him under his chin.

A gorgeous man mesmerized by the infant he dotes on, held tight in muscular arms. If this was modern times, I'd have to beat every woman in Louisiana off with a stick.

I lay my head down and just watch the two of them together. Eric's little duplicate. "So handsome", I smile. I forgive him as easily as I always do. Eric is shit worried. And we both know why.

I'm not leaving my child. Neither of us will admit it, but I think we both know what happens when we wake up. The baby was a dream and nothing else. But here, we have a life. History may be repeating itself, but if it does, and Eric becomes a vampire, he can care for our son. Or if he has to go with Godric, he can find someone who can. Maybe our son can become the new King.

No matter what happens, I don't get to have a future with my son. No first words, no learning to walk, no school, no advice, no teen crushes. Either I wake up, and he didn't exist. Or I don't and die slowly and painfully, spending as much time with him as I have left. I've been fighting waking up until we know more, but I have to be honest with myself. I made my choice, and I'm not losing my baby. He has to live.

I love them so much. But I can't stay with them. I try to memorize every moment when Eric smiles at our son, kisses his head, tells him how much he loves him. They'll be together, they'll be safe.

"Promise me you'll protect him forever."


	12. Chapter 12: Trust Me

Weeks go by, and I try to assuage the pain in my throat with constant water drinking. Because it's a dream, I suppose is why I can still cry and feed E.J. How long has it been in real life? Hours? A day? Time is speeding up. This is going to be long and painful, I just don't know how long or how painful, and it scares me.

Whatever happens, right now, we're happy. We're a family. Eric has become a different person around his son. He has a look of wonderment and joy on his face that I imagine hasn't been there in a thousand years.

It's midnight when the baby yells to be fed, waking us both up. Eric, mesmerized by his child, never complains. He loves to hold him and play with him as much as I do. I suppose 1,000 years on earth provides some kind of maturity. Some kind. Sometimes Eric is like a child himself.

"Vacker", he says, kissing my forehead, then tickling the baby's cheek. He pulls me onto his lap. "Min."

I will not cry, I will not cry. I never thought I could love this man this much. And I may not be his for much longer.

"Shhhh",he whispers in my ear. "You're mine, and I swear nothing will happen to either of you. Just relax." His voice rumbles against my ear, "Trust me." He's said that before. And he was right before. But when he was right, he threw himself on top of me to save me from a bomb.

I try not to laugh, remembering –"She was superb."

"What are you laughing at, woman?" he asks.

"You."

I hated him when he did that. Now I thank God every day for that blood bond.

I lay back and let him hold us, protect us. The feeling is amazing. That I won't have it for long, makes it all the sweeter.

"That's my girl."

A man clears his throat loudly outside our room, then knocks. "It's Asgar."

"Come in", Eric calls, pulling the furs over me and E.J.

"More information", he man says.

Eric scoots from under us, and gets up, naked as the day he was born.

He never did have a drop of modesty. When you look like that, I suppose you don't need to.

"They're getting closer, by the third marker. And that story you wanted…" Asgar says.

Eric turns to me. "I'll be back. Sleep, both of you."

He wraps a fur around his waist and follows Asgar out the door.

I don't remember when Eric came back, but E.J. is hungry again. It's stopped being a shock to me to be awakened over and over. "Oh yeah, that's right" is all that pops in my head.

When he's satisfied, I lay him down next to us, and kiss his little fingers.

Eric leans over and kisses him, moves down and blows bubbles on his belly. The baby smiles, kicks his little legs, and slowly nods off.

Eric moves E.J. and his pillow off to the side, and kisses me. Then he moves down and captures one nipple in his mouth, then the other. He's licks gently and then gasps. He looks at me with the most shocked look on his face. I have to chuckle at him. I put my hand on the back of his head and guide his mouth back to my breast. He sucks gently and moans.

He comes up gasping. "Not as good as my blood?" I ask.

"Better", he says, kissing me.

The he dips his head again and moves down, and then unbelievably, blows bubbles on me. "What are you doing?! Ha ha!" I cry happily.

"I guess I'm blowing bubbles on tummies today", he says, with a kiss right over my belly button. And then….down.

His warm breath against my thigh makes me jump with sharp lust. "Shhhh", he whispers against me. The moment his tongue laps over my spot, I shriek and my hips buck up.

"Sorry, sorry", I say.

"Never apologize for wanting me", he whispers against me.

"I want you inside me", I gasp.

"You have to still be too sore", he says, lapping over me again.

"No, no, I'm good", I whisper. He takes me in his mouth and sucks.

"Oh, oh, yes, please", I moan and then explode in his mouth quickly. I've waited a long time to feel this again. I take his face in my hands and pull him up to kiss him.

I wrap my legs around his waist. He's hard as a rock, and pressed heavily against his thigh.

"You sure?" he asks.

"More than, now get inside me", I whisper.

"Thank God", he says, and I laugh. He pushes slowly, then deeper, and I gasp.

I realize this is first time we've made love with him as himself, but human.

"Don't be surprised if you lost vamp speed", I cackle.

"Don't you think it's soon to be complaining woman?" he asks.

"Ha, ha. It's so incredible to have you as you were. As you are", I whisper against his ear. "Make love to me, baby."

He moves against me and lets out a yell. He grinds harder and harder, over and over and moans.

"I can't hold this", he says in astonishment and explodes. "Oh yes, yes, oh…" he screams for what feels like five minutes.

Then with a deep breath, he relaxes. "That was…I forgot what that was like."

"Different?" I ask.

"A thousand times better. I forgot what it is to be human."

I kiss his lips and smile.

"I may have lost my expertise", he says, and sounds a little embarrassed.

"No, no, no….you have no idea how wonderful this is. I love you being human. I love you soooo much." I bury my face in his neck. And then sob.

"Sookie, shhh", he says again, kissing my shoulder. "I told you not to worry."

"I'm not leaving him, Eric", I wail against his neck.

He moves me to kiss my lips and look in my eyes.

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't know you? What you'd sacrifice for everyone?" he asks, kissing my forehead.

"When I die, I want you to make sure he's taken care of", I whisper, "Please….be his father. When you….when it happens, in battle, I know you have to become a vampire to survive. But then, come back for him. He's going to need his daddy."

He's just staring at me. "If you can't be with him, maybe Ysgar…E.J. is next in line to be King, they'd take care of him! Just keep an eye on him, look in on him whether Godric likes it or not."

He smiles and presses his forehead to mine. I was expecting a bigger reaction.

"I think I've found a way."

My mouth falls open. "Really?"

"Really. Now sleep, min kärlek."

I know Eric plays his cards close to the vest, and he'll never tell me more than that.

The next morning, I corner Asgar. I just fed my son, and Eric is outside, when I cut him off at the pass between the kitchen and the throne room.

"Asgar…"

"Majesty…" he inclines his head.

"Eric keeps sending you out looking for something…something from the elders right, a story?"

He nods his head nervously.

"I want to know what Eric is looking at. This story…can you tell me what it's about?"

"I can't, Majesty. I suggest you ask him", he says, trying to walk away.

"You know as well as I do that Eric doesn't always know what's best. I'm just curious."

"Majesty, I mean no disrespect, but he's our King, and your husband, he knows what's best. Ask him, and if it's suitable, he'll tell you…"

Suitable?

"Thanks for nuthin", I tell him, and walk away.

I'm rubbing my forehead. No one here is going to help me.

"Ysgar!"

I track him down standing outside, and wave him over. In the distance, Eric wrinkles his nose at me in confusion.

"Ysgar, tell me everything you know about blood sacrifices."


	13. Chapter 13: Ashes to Ashes

First, I needed a couple of drinks first to write this. :P Second, I took creative license with Norse mythology. There's some evidence in the historical record for some of this, other parts are presumed or made up. On with the show.

It's paradise. Paradise in the Dark Ages. Who knew. I look deep into eyes as he pushes deep inside me.

"Ohhhh", I gasp and as I feel him lengthen inside me.

He keeps my gaze with his arctic blue one, smiling every time I arch my back. He brings me to orgasm again and again sooo painfully slowly. He doesn't take his own ease, just watches me, smiling.

"My King", I cry out with a big smile.

"You're so full of it", he laughs, and kisses me.

"Come for me, baby. I want your warmth inside me", I growl into his ear, and with a gasp, he does everything I said.

Everything is perfect.

It wasn't very feminist of me. I know I'm a strong, capable, intelligent ,modern woman. I know, and I think the whole village knows, I'm strong, capable, and intelligent. But modern? Not in this place. There were no modern contrivances, like a TV, movies, telephones, internet….nothing to come between us. Just hard work that made us so tired all we wanted to do was cuddle and sleep every chance we got.

Right now I would have been perfectly happy to just live here and have his babies forever. And I found myself wishing every time he exploded, warm and alive inside me, that we could have another baby. But I knew it was not to be.

"I wish we could too", he whispers.

"I thought I was the telepath", I say.

"I don't have to be a mind reader to know what you're thinking." He kisses my forehead. "Nothing on earth would make me happier. To keep you warm…" I cuddle closer to him. "Despite the snow falling outside. To protect you." I could feel his strong arms around me. "To keep you safe. Well fed", he chuckles warmly against my ear, squeezing my slightly more voluptuous hips. I mock hit his arm. "You've already made me so happy, given me the only thing I ever wanted. I would like nothing more than to do this, and be here with you, forever. As long as the next baby is a girl who looks just like you."

We're both crying. It was not to be. Either I would die- and my throat was closing up fast, I could barely breathe anymore-or, Eric would find a way and we'd go back to our lives. And he would be dead again. Either way, there would be no more babies for us. Either way, there was a good chance we'd lose the one we have.

He pulls back and looks at me, like he's memorizing me.

"Eric, what's going on?"

"I guess I need a little reassurance right now. Look what you've done to me. Will you love me the rest of your life?"

"Eric…what's going on?"

"Will you? Promise me." He says.

"I promise, the easiest promise I've ever made. But you're scaring me."

"Never be scared, min kärlek. You have no reason to fear ever again, you're mine."

I fall into a hacking fit, and he pushes water my way. "Drink, min kärlek."

When it happens, this is where I want to be. It might be overdramatic to announce "I want to die in your arms", but it's how I feel. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. But I couldn't tell him that right now. He would explode into anger and fear, or give me that sanguine smile and tell me everything was going to be okay. The second frightened me more.

"I love you", he whispers. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you", my brown eyes boring into his blue ones. "Eric…."

He pulls me so close, I can barely breathe, and kisses me over and over. "Forever?" he asks.

"Forever."

"Kiss me, Sookie, kiss me, kiss me…." He pulls me into a kiss so passionate, it's a good thing I'm lying down.

"Sleep, min kärlek." He says.

I must have nodded off because I wake up without him. E.J. is sleeping peacefully nearby.

I'm up and dressed.

I peak outside and hear the men discussing how to defend the village as the Danes come closer. They're whittling sticks to have sharply pointed ends. They would be stuck in the dirt to face outward to slow the Danes.

It's a good time to go into the throne room and look for whatever the hell he's always reading.

Not on the table. Stuck between the chairs.

You're losing your touch, Eric, that was easy to find. There are several pages stuck together. There's a parable about… The Blót. Some kind of sacrifice…I need someone to help me with this who knows what he's talking about.

"Ysgar!"

He's standing outside with the rest, but runs over to the door.

"My Queen?"

"Can you answer some questions for me about a Viking story?"

"I will do my best, Majesty", he says, including his head.

"What is the blot?" I ask.

"Blót", he corrects. "A blood sacrifice."

"Sacrifice of what?" He's nervous , and it's freaking me out.

"You have to understand this ritual hasn't been practiced for many generations. Many. Since the City faded away, and our people could travel south."

I could only presume the City that faded away was the fall of Rome. Okay, so about 500 years ago.

"Sacrifice of WHAT?" I press.

"Animals", he says. "Before they were eaten."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"Goats, sheep, pigs…and horses. But in the past, it was something else, and near here the idea was taken far more seriously than our neighbors to the west or south. It also involved….human sacrifice."

"What?!" I gasp.

"It was a long time ago, Majesty…."

"But, for some reason, Eric is interested in it now. Tell me about it."

"People sacrificed their own children, Majesty…."

"I don't believe it", I said, aching to hold my baby safe in my arms.

"In one case, 9 years went between sacrifices, and on that day 99 people were sacrificed all at once."

"Oh my God…." I start.

"Majesty, it was a long time ago…."

"Stop saying that! Why would anyone do such a thing?!"

"Why is any religious ritual practiced? Why do we bless the antler horns?" he asks.

"That's different!"

"Long ago, it was not, Majesty."

"Why would Eric be interested in it?" I ask.

"Something happened that stopped the human sacrifices, and animal sacrifices were carried on to commemorate it….the ultimate sacrifice. A King. A King who went to Valhalla to save his family."

No, no, no, please, please….

I'm shuffling the pages together, and something else falls out. I open the page up.

A letter. For me. My heart rate jumps.

_Sookie mine,_

_I knew if I left this here you would find it. You're endlessly curious. By now, I am likely already gone. This is my last word to you. I can't bring myself to tell you good-bye, and if I did, I know you would never let me go. And I couldn't bear to leave. I'm taking part in a sacrifice called The Blót. Rest assured this is best for everyone. _

_When I said you would never truly understand my world, I meant it. Here in this frozen landscape, death is around every corner. Where food is scarce and the winter is long. Here where life is so precious, love is measured in sacrifice._

_You are familiar with the basics of magic. A life pays for a life. I've found a way to save our son, to set you free, and to save the entire village. No one need die this time._

_Knowing and loving you has been the greatest privilege of my 1,000 years,and I will take your love with me into the afterlife where it will never die. You are mine forever, whether we are together or not. I know you intend to be buried, but I don't think Jesus would mind if you were cremated, and then we may see each other again, as you are a Viking's wife and one of us. It is my fondest wish. _

_I love you. Tell our son how much I love him. When my men come to tell you what happened, you will not want to be here anymore or dream anymore. Everything will be okay._

_Good-bye, min kärlek._

_Your loving husband,_

_Eric_

I can tell his hand was shaking as he wrote it. Terror so deep shoots through my body, that I think I'm going to be sick.

"Your Majesty?!" he yells. He knows.

"Where do we start looking?"

"He had his men drag a small longship, a karve, to the beach, in case when the Danes arrives, the women and children can get away fast", he says.

"That's not what it's for."

"Majesty?"

"Help me! Run!"

Every second it takes to get there, every moment is a moment he may not have. I curse my own legs for being too slow.

"Eric!"

He's standing there on the karve, floating just off shore.

"Sookie, no! You weren't supposed to get here this fast!" he howls.

"Eric, get away from there, come back, we're talk about this, we can find some other way, let's talk about it."

"I love you, Sookie. Tell our son how much I love him", he sobs

"Eric…."

"Shhhh, I found a way. It's a life for a life. I can save our boy, and you can leave together. You'll both be safe."

"Are you crazy?! Do you think I could live a day without you?" I scream.

"You'll have to. We both know how strong you are."

"No! We'll come up with some other way, any other way, but now matter what happens, you may never, never, EVER leave me", I cry looking into his eyes.

"You'll be here forever", he says, patting his heart, "I'll take this love into the land of my ancestors where it will never die. I'll sit at my father's table again."

"My King!" Asgar shouts, "You are not some besotted bed slave going to join her master. You are a King, and this is not your decision to make!"

"A blood sacrifice hasn't taken place in centuries. I'll save my wife and child, and bless the village for generations. You will not have to worry about the Danes this time", Eric reassures him. Ysgar misses the "this time."

"Ysgar, you are the new King."

"No, you cannot do this…"

"Accept this with humility", Eric says, "I will stand in the Hall of Warriors, and hope I meet their worth."

"Eric!" I scream.

"You're mine. This is my job. Taking care of our child is yours. Ysgar, get her out of here! Now!"

But I slip through his fingers. Pure adrenaline driven by consuming love is a powerful force.

Eric raises a knife, with a beautiful ivory handle, into the air, and brings it down, slashing the veins in his right arm.

"No! Eric, Eric!"

That precious arm. It was holding me just hours before. I have to bandage it, I have to stop the bleeding. He could be fine, I just have to stop the bleeding.

"Baby!"

"Odin, VITTNE mitt slaktoffer!" Eric cries out.

"Take her away", he wails, but I fight Ysgar with every breath. "Don't let her see this! Obey me!"

"Take her away", Eric screams again, "cover her eyes."

Ysgar can do nothing for Eric at this point but obey his last wish. He tries to cover my eyes, but it's too late. Eric drops the torch. The karve immediately bursts into flames.

I can hear his screams of agony, but they fade as his body burns. I see it all, until my mind starts to shut down.

I can't think, I can't speak. My life just went up in flames.

I plunge into the water, swimming toward the little longship. I'll save him or I'll die with him. The closer I get to the ship, the hotter it is. Flames flash up wildly to burn my face before a wave splashes the wood and soaks the flame out.

I feel strong arms around me, tugging me toward shore. "Think of your child, Majesty", Ysgar is screaming in my ear.

He drags me onto the beach. I'm just kneeling in the sand vomiting and crying. I have to go back and stop him. I have to rewind this dream. I squeeze my eyes shut, and then open them. His men are on the beach now, screaming, sobbing. And looking at me with hatred.

I can't stand this dream. This is a nightmare. The pain is greater than I can handle. Wake up, Sookie, wake up.

And my eyes pop open.

I'm lying on our bed in my old farmhouse in Bon Temps.

Next to me, where my husband used to be, is a pile of ash.

No, no…"Eric, Eric…."

Go back to sleep, I tell myself, Sookie, go back to sleep, and you'll be back there. Warm and safe in his arms, but this time you'll know, you'll know what he intends and can stop him. Fall asleep, fall asleep.

But it's not that easy. Then if I can't have him back, I'll die. "Die, die, die…" I keep repeating, but I can still hear myself breathing.

Then a sharp cry breaks the silence.

"E.J.?!"

He screams again. I want to fall asleep, bring him back, lose consciousness. I pick up some of the ashes and hold them tight against me. My love.

But the sharp crying is cutting through my senses. I may have lost everything, even hope, but ultimately I suppose it's instinct that makes me get up and get my son.

He's so beautiful. Still wrapped up tight in warm furs. I can still smell…our life, our time…on those furs.

It's hard to make decisions. I lay my son down next to me. I know he's hungry, but I don't want to breathe anymore. The thirst….whatever I felt asleep is nothing compared to it now. I can't think about anything else. I'll dream. I'll die. Fine. But I just need some water first.

"Sookie! Where are you?" The yell coming through the front door isn't the voice I want to hear. Sam.

I pray to go away, and so I slip into blissful darkness._

Before anyone starts sending me mail bombs, I adore Eric, and this is NOT the end of the story. This is where the story was leading me, and I could only follow. This is canon for Eric, he tried to die for her many times already. It's tragic now, but stick with it.


	14. Chapter 14: All By Ourselves

2 and a half years later

It's been difficult. Normally, as Eric's wife, I would have inherited his millions after his death. Except that he didn't change his will since he left everything to Pam before his meeting with Russell. I was forced to go to Pam with my hand out.

Under normal circumstances, I think she would have been generous, whether I'm her favorite person or not. But she blames me entirely. Her maker is dead. And as far as she's concerned, I killed him. When she saw E.J. for the first time, the emotion on her face was unmistakable. Her jaw fell open, then tears rolled down her cheeks, then she held out her arms like she wanted to hold him…and then snatched them back and told me to get the f*ck out and never come back.

It's been hard surviving as a single mother on a waitress's salary. I'm just glad I inherited our big house so there's no rent. I just have to keep the lights on, keep the water running, and keep my baby fed and clothed. Sam has been a gem about all this. He let me bring E.J. to work when he was an infant. But now, just like his father, my son can't stop running around and sticking his nose in everything. Sam can't have him tearing up the bar.

When Arlene or Terry is off, they let him play with Mikey. But there are times I just can't find anyone free, and I can't afford a babysitter, so I have to stay home and lose the tips we desperately need. There are so many nights I cry myself to sleep.

I can't remember the first week after I woke up. I must have fed my son because when I did start marking hours, and then days, he was fine, and lying next to me.

Sam found us. Us and the pile of ash. I remember being put in an ambulance, the emergency room, an IV, and the doctor whispering to Sam that I nearly died of dehydration. Another day would have done it. When I woke up, the only thing I wanted was my baby.

Then I got up, I ate, I drank, I fed my son, I spent the rest of my life in bed. I kept thinking if I slept as much as possible, I could go back to the dream. All three of us would be back there. I would be warm, and happy, in Eric's arms, with a fire burning brightly. Our baby would be sleeping peacefully nearby. He'd still be keeping us safe.

The most horrible mornings were the ones when I actually did dream of it, and then woke up. I wanted to die. But Eric knew he'd left me with the one reason I wouldn't.

I remember faces from that time. Sam. Jason. Even Holly, trying to make me a healing potion. But I made her leave. Her Wicca nonsense only reminded me of what I lost.

As weeks went by, I finally got out of bed and stayed out the whole day. It soon became apparent we would starve if I didn't get out of bed, and stay out. After Pam sent us away, I went back to work with as many hours as Sam would give me.

Six months later, I baptized Eric Jason Northman at All Faith's Church on the corner of Boundary and Parish Road 34. If anyone objected to the son of a vampire being baptized, they had been smart enough to keep their mouths shut.

Two years after that, I'm bouncing Eric's son on my hip. A beautiful toddler, with brilliant blue eyes, and baby fine platinum blond hair.

"What do you say to spaghetti, baby?"

"Sketti!" he cries, and I put him down.

I pull out a pot and put it under the tap, then light a burner.

There's a knock on the door. "Come in."

Jason opens the door and calls to us.

"Punkle Jason!" my son cries.

He loves his Punkle Jason, and Jason loves him, even if he "looks just like that crazy tall one she married."

"Eeej!" Jason cries, swinging him into the air. Jason has chosen to take my son's initials and turn them into one long sound "eeejj."

"What's for dinner, Eeej?"

"Sketti!"

"Well, I love spaghetti", Jason says.

"You have food at your house, Jason", I remind him.

"I know, I know. But yours is always better." I know he makes excuses to come here and keep us company. He also goes to the Piggly Wiggly, brings over food for dinner, and conveniently "forgets" to take the rest of the groceries home.

He's really a dear. After the baby has been put down for the night, I walk him to the door.

"You know the two of you don't have to stay here alone", he says.

"We're fiiiine, Jason."

"Sook, you never get out. You never do anything fun, you never leave the baby except to go to work, and then you come right back."

He's all I have left! Why can't anyone see that? The child I thought I would never get the chance to see grow up is now my world.

"Sook, it's been two years, don't you think it's time to go on a date? He'd want you to be happy."

"Don't you dare tell me what Eric would want!" Fire is shooting through my veins.

"Sook, you have to move on, this ain't healthy."

"NEVER mention that to me again if you want to stay my brother." Tears are rolling down my face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry", he drags me into his arms, "I won't mention it again."

He's not the only one who's tried it. Andy brought yet another Bellefleur cousin by the bar one day, to arrange an accidental meeting. Holly's brother is freshly divorced, and she dragged him by. He wasn't sure how he felt about a woman who already had a kid. I was very sure how I felt about him leaving immediately.

And Sam. Sam has actually made the offer, twice. And I turned him down, twice. I'm married. Just because my husband is dead doesn't mean I'm not married.

So I go to work, and take orders, and try to stay numb for as long as possible, just like always. Though time has gone by, it's getting harder. When everything was an emergency, it was easier to keep plugging. Now my life is too quiet.

The next evening, we're playing, and E.J. is running around chasing his new kitten. The kitten is a recent addition, the offspring of a Bellefleur cat they found in the barn and were anxious to get rid of for free. E.J. is mad about him. I keep finding myself trying to fill his life in other ways, to close the hole in both our hearts.

The knock on the door shocks us both, but I jog over to the door. Experience tells me to never just throw open a door. Anybody might be on the other side. I look through the curtain.

I open it slowly. "Bill. It's good to see you again."

Years ago, recovered from his religious mania, and begging for forgiveness, Bill Compton had retired quietly to the old Compton house. Formerly the residence of the King of Louisiana, he's removed himself from politics, from life, and we hadn't heard a peep since.

"It's good to see you…Sookie. I heard. I wanted to offer my condolences."

Sookeh. I don't think I'd ever forget that voice.

"Thank you. I appreciate you stoppin by…"

He stares hard at my son.

"That's him?" Bill asks, staring at E.J. "Of course he is. He looks…"

"I know."

"Can I hold him?"

I take a deep breath. "I guess that's up to E.J. Baby…"

My son toddles over. He looks up and regards Bill with great suspicion. He stares at him and doesn't say a word.

"That look…"

"I know." When Bill would accuse Eric of "eye fucking" him, that's the look on E.J.'s face. Curiosity, but massive distrust. Slowly, he raises his little arms and Bill picks him up.

"A fine boy", Bill says, his voice cracking.

"Cold", E.J. says. Some part of my son seems to recognize the predator in vampire Bill.

"Yes, we're not the same temperature", Bill explains.

"He's never met a vampire", I say, "He wouldn't remember Pam, he was an infant."

Moments later, E.J. holds out his arms to me, and I take him from Bill. He was just plain uncomfortable there.

"Well thank you for stoppin by", I say again, "We really appreciate it."

"Your boy will need a father", he says.

I huff loudly. He's crossing a line.

"He has a father. Thank you for comin and good night." I push the door closed, but Bill blocks it.

"But Eric is…no longer with us. The boy needs someone to take care of his needs, and he needs a man in his life."

He's got me with that last part. I had worried about it, and hope Terry will take him under his wing, including him in activities with Mikey.

But for the time being, he's still my baby, and his arms tighten around my neck. I know Bill scares him.

"When we were together, you have no idea how much I wanted this", Bill goes on. "How much guilt I felt keeping you from a normal human life. And a chance to have a child."

My son is shaking like an antelope that spotted a lion. I put E.J. down, and push him behind me.

"I know, but life goes the way it goes", I tell him, borrowing one of those worn out phrases from Arlene.

"I heard around town he, uh….that you said he sacrificed himself for you. That must have been hard. Eric was always very…good at self protection."

"Bill Compton, you were there most of the times Eric was willing to die save me. To save Godric and I from Reverend Newlin. To save me from Russell. Saving all of my people and fairy relatives. Offering to die in my place wasn't new to Eric, the only difference is this time he succeeded."

"At the very least, let me help you out with money. I have a lot, and nothing to do with it."

"We're doin just fine", I tell him.

"You're obviously not", Bill whispers, "Please, let me help…"

"I can stand on my own two feet", I say.

"Momma, close door", E.J. says.

"I have to go."

I close the door and take a deep breath. Bill stands out on my porch for a full minute, and then walks away.

That night, I set a fire in the fireplace in Gran's bedroom, and drag my mattress off the bed, and in front of it. For a while, it was the only way I could sleep. I had become so accustomed to bright, brilliant, orange flames in my face, I couldn't sleep without them.

E.J. looks at me, confused. He hasn't seen me do this in a long time. His "big boy" crib is in the same room with me. I refuse to let him out of my sight.

"Momma…." He holds up his arms and bounces up and down in his crib.

I get up and get him, and we cuddle up in front of the fire with a couple of warm blankets.

"Love you, baby. Give me a kiss." I point to my cheek.

He kisses my cheek. "Do you love me?" I ask with a smile.

"Luv you, Momma."

Thank you for him, Eric. We cuddle together until morning.


	15. Chapter 15: Brujo

Summary: warning – extreme depression. Sookie continues to slide deeper into depression to hit rock bottom. Meanwhile, witnessing her downhill spiral, against his better judgment, Lafayette decides it may be time to resurrect the brujo inside.

Two dollars. It's the lunch shift. The dinner shift has bigger tips, but I can't take the dinner shift most of the time. Terry is off today, and watching E.J., but I can't ask too much.

The only person I've let into my life at all is Lafayette. He may have hated Eric, but that disappeared the minute he saw my face. He understands loss. Right now he and Holly are staring at me, studying me like a fly under a glass.

I head over to my table that just walked in.

"Shit." I just hope she didn't hear me.

"Hi Portia. Can I get you a cappuccino?"

"Oh God, no, I know better than to try that again. A sweet tea is fine."

"Comin right up. Do you know what you'd like?" I ask. The Merlotte's menu is not exactly complicated, and most of the town has it memorized, though Portia is not a regular visitor.

"I think I'll _risk_ the red beans and rice", she says, handing me her menu.

I let out a deep breath and go give Lafayette her order. I have no reason to be angry with her. Despite the fact that paying her expensive bills didn't get me an inch closer to finding out who bought my house. That mystery solved itself. Despite the fact that she dated Bill. Maybe she still is. But I don't care who he dates.

It's shameful to admit, but being around Portia Bellefleur makes me feel bad about myself. She's still young, beautiful, smart, well educated, a lawyer. Her family is proud of her. She's rich. Her whole life is ahead of her. Compared to Portia, I'm a statistic. A poor single woman with a baby, in a shit job. E.J. would be better off with Jason, he'd have a male role model who's family.

Lafayette and Holly are still staring.

I wander over to them. "Is there somethin green on my face?"

"There's circles under your eyes, Sook", Lafayette complains.

Holly holds up a vial. "Liquid sleeping pill", she says, her arms crossed with irritation. Considering I screamed at her the last time she came to me with help, I don't blame her for looking at me like that.

"I have a toddler, guys, he runs me around, and keeps me up, it's no big deal." They look at each other.

"Cut it out!" I yell, but take the vial from her. "Thank you."

"She's just gonna throw it out", I hear Holly moan.

I know she's just trying to help. But her Wicca does nothing but remind me of a very big confused angel who couldn't remember anything but the sea. "Kiss me and I promise to be happy."

The sea, where we sent his family on their journey, where I fished for months to feed the village….where he burned right in front of my eyes.

And just like that, the pain is back, full force, like a truck on my shoulders, and I slide to the floor with the weight of it.

"Sookie!" Sam is pulling me to my feet. Customers are watching. "Maybe you should go home."

"I can't", I cry, "I have to take care of my son. I need the money."

"I'll give you the money."

People are staring at me. Not having my powers had been paradise. Now that my telepathy is back, so is the full force of other people's hatred. I could hear them thinking.

"Crazy as a bed bug."

"Where'd that baby come from? She ain't married. Trash is as trash does."

"Look at her. Her grandmother is dead, half the girls in the town died, all she can think about is that bloodsucker."

"Do we need to worry about that kid of hers? Who knows what it can do? IT. Because we don't know what such a thing is capable of."

"It ain't natural."

From Portia: "That poor girl. I feel bad for that child, being born without a father is being born with one strike against him."

My head is spinning.

"I don't want your handouts! Now, all of you, just shut the fuck up!" I scream, and hear their taunts following me.

I run from the room and out the back door.

"Sookie!"

"Sam, I'm sorry, Arlene can take my table…."

"Sookie, I'm worried about you. It's been two years, and you haven't recovered at all. I think you need….some help."

"The only thing I need is my baby, and the only thing I want is my husband", I whisper.

"Eric is dead!", he pronounces.

I didn't even know I did it until red bloomed on Sam's cheek. I smacked him.

"I'm so sorry Sam!"

"Get yourself together, Sookie, and don't come back until you have." He points to my car.

"Please Sam, don't send me home, I'm beggin you. For E.J."

He sighs. "Get back to work. Another outburst like that, and you're going home."

I dust myself off, and go back in, to the bar to get the sweet tea.

Lafayette leans over and looks at me.

"What?" I back away.

"Your eyes are…black. Sookie, it's been a long time. I know the pain you was in at first, but usually, it gets better with time. You only seem to be gettin worse. You ain't gonna leave that baby alone now is you?"

"Of course not", I say, stepping back.

"Arlene and Terry is havin a party this weekend. You bring E.J. here, we'll talk."

Hmmm. Maybe it would shut everyone up, and let E.J. have some fun.

That evening, I'm home, and exhausted.

E.J. is running around, he's wound up like a top. Dinner isn't made, and there aren't any clean clothes. The washer broke again. The only thing that works around here is me. I sit down at the kitchen table, my head hanging down. I'm bone aching tired.

I can hear my son pattering into the living room.

I've got a good repair man, but it's just more money. I reach into my purse, and into my wallet, to get his number. The little vial is sitting there, in the bottom of my purse. Holly's "liquid sleeping pill." I wonder how much it would take?

I think I know how Tara felt when Eggs died, only this is a thousand times worse. I lost my husband and the father of my child. I roll it around in my hands. Maybe. When E.J. is with Jason. He'd forget me in a month or so.

A crash. I drop the vial, and jump up. "E.J.?" There's one of Gran's crystal bowls, one the ones I told him over and over not to touch, smashed into pieces on the floor. His little mouth hangs up guiltily.

"Dammit E.J.! How many times do I have to tell you? Now get out of here, you're gonna get cut." I shoo him away. "I need a broom and a dust pan, then the vacuum."

He starts to walk to me through the glass. "Hungry", he says.

"No! Go over there!" He tries to come closer, but I hold up my hands to keep him away. "No! Go away! I don't want to see you right now." And I run out of the living room. I need to cool off.

He wails. "Mommauuhhh!" I look around the corner at him. I've never seen him so frantic, his red face is screwed up in terror. I left him. "Momma! Momma!" He sits on the floor, too near the glass. He's crying so hard, he can barely breathe.

I drop everything and sweep him up in my arms. "Oh my God, my sweet baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"

He buries his face in my hair, gasping. "Momma, Momma."

"Momma will never leave you. Never, ever, ever."

I put him down, but he won't let me move, his arms around my legs. "We're gonna get your baby gate."

And I do what I should have done in the first place, tired or not, and get his baby gate out of the closet, keep him in the kitchen, and clean up the glass.

I take a deep breath. And pour Holly's concoction down the sink.

I have instant rice. And chicken breasts. A little cream of mushroom soup, and I'll have a quick casserole he'll eat. He puts his arms up in the air and I pick him up and hug him. His face is bright red, hot, and stained with tears.

"Help", he says, wiping his face.

"You can help. You already help more than you know."

Laf POV

Why is everybody lyin' to me today? I look into that girl's eyes and I see death. A black shadow is startin to follow her around. She ain't gonna make it. Normally, no matter how she woulda begged me, no matter how much I want Jesus back, I would never mess with this shit again. But I ain't gonna allow her to die from grief. To think I didn't do it for my own love. But I'm doing it for Eric fucking Northman, and I still hates that muthafucka, dead or alive. He still haunts my nightmares occasionally. But it's not for him, it's for Sook. I can never repay her for what she's done for me, and especially for Tara. I'm the one who forced her to turn her best friend. And I don't understand why my damn cousin won't get her damn girlfriend to pony up for that child.

When she told me what happened, it sounded like he glamoured her, but Sookie can't be glamoured. You don't have to be a vampire to do what he did. I found a couple of books I didn't know I had, and a couple I outright stole from Marnie."Dream Magic" and "The History of Ritualistic Blood Sacrifice" I look into the mirror behind the bar and concentrate hard. I open my eyes, and there he is. The face that terrified my black ass when Jesus looked that way. I can seem to turn it on or off.

Lord help us all.


	16. Chapter 16: Risk

"Momma, we go?" E.J. asks, as I fasten his little denim overalls. Hearing a southern accent come out of that mouth with that face is pretty funny.

"Yes, baby, we're going to a party."

"Parry", he repeats, and I pick him up, planting a kiss on his temple.

My '86 Honda is still running, and I tuck E.J. into his baby seat, where he whines. He hates to be constricted.

"It makes Momma happy for you to be safe and sit in your big boy seat. Momma loves you. You love momma right?"

He sighs in a gesture far beyond his years. "Ya." I have to snort.

At Merlotte's everyone is assembled at tables outside for Mikey's birthday. I had no idea. I'll have to get him a present later.

The minute I put him down, E.J. runs over to Mikey, and they start chattering in toddler speak.

Terry watches me as I sit down. I never take my eyes off my son.

"He's gonna be okay you know", Terry says.

"Oh, I know, I know."

"No, you don't. He'll be fine."

The kids are kicking a ball around. E.J. picks it up, peeking around, then hides it under the table. He toddles off.

Mikey starts looking around for his ball, upset. E.J. reveals it, by throwing it in the air, having a good laugh at the look on Mikey's face. Oh God, only Eric's son.

"He's very smart", Terry says.

"He's smart all right", I laugh.

"I ain't gonna ask how he was born, Sookie, but he's a fine boy you can proud of." No one doubts he's Eric's despite the implausibility. The kid is his duplicate. Terry's voice is filled with emotion. Terry is a dear. As he grows up, E.J. is going to need a man in his life. I hope Terry will look out for him.

E.J. watches us together, trying to figure things out. Our most regular child visitor is Hunter. Since my cousin's death, Hunter has only his father, so E.J. is used to kids having only one parent. But with Arlene and Terry, he gets confused. Why does Mikey have two when he only has one?

He's seen Terry with Arlene and Mikey calls him "Daddy." Now he sees me with Terry. I can see him trying to work it out. My son is just too damned smart.

He toddles over and looks up at Terry. "Daddy?"

"No, no, baby", I say, sweeping him into my arms.

Awkwardly, Terry jumps up, pats E.J. on the head, and goes back to Arlene.

My baby's eyes are brimming with tears. "Terry isn't your Daddy, honey, he's Mikey's Daddy."

He whines "no", confused. Then he bursts into tears "Doesn't want to be my Daddy", like Terry had chosen not to be.

"No, no, honey, it's not that."

Oh God. I thought he would be older when this came up. I thought I'd be prepared. Would I ever have been prepared?

"Your Daddy had to leave us, baby. He left to save us. He's a hero." Does he understand any of this? I'm wiping away tears.

"When'ss coming back?" My heart is ripped in half.

"He's not coming back, baby." I pull him into my arms, and carry him away so we can cry together. His little body is shaking as I hold him close.

"Don't cry Momma", he says.

This is Eric's legacy. Me and my son sobbing in each other's arms, while the world happily goes on without us.

I want to smack him and scream "how dare you?" Sometimes I think if I saw him, I'd kill him again with my own two hands. But no, I'd do anything to hold him just one more time.

But this is maudlin, and not good for my son. I can't hold onto unrealistic expectations and have E.J. pick up on them.

"We're doing good, right?" I ask my son. "We're doing okay." I bounce him up and down and promise pizza to get the tears to stop. He just leans his head on my shoulder. I can offer pizza instead of a Daddy.

"Sook…"

It's Lafayette who nearly scared the pants off me. Coming up so quiet.

"I need to talk to you", he says softly. "Let Arlene and Terry take E.J."

I nod and carry E.J. back over to Terry and Arlene. Terry throws the ball to the boys, and E.J.'s sadness is immediately forgotten. It's so easy when you're a child, and I'm so thankful he's not going through what I am.

"C'mon Sook…"

I follow Lafayette into the bar. We sit down and I just stare at him in encouragement.

"Sook, we're going to have a girl's night out Thursday."

I shake my head. "E.J. just grew out of all his t-shirts. I can't spend $20 on drinks."

"We're gettin together here, at Merlottes, and the dranks is free, whether Sam knows it or not. It's ladies night after all." He winks.

"I would have to find someone to watch E.J…."

"Terry and Arlene are gonna watch E.J.", he says.

"If it's girl's night out, why isn't Arlene comin?"

"It's more like magic girl's night out", he says, mysteriously.

"Lafayette, I appreciate you tryin to cheer me up, but I don't know what you're talkin about and I don't think I wanna know. I already prevail upon people's good will too much. And E.J. never likes to stay with anyone else anyway."

Lafayette smiles sadly. "I know. I see him which you, and, when you're holdin that child, he melts. Like he's safe, like he can relax. The big one did the same thing." He rolls his eyes. "That child loves to be in his beautiful Momma's arms. Who wouldn't compared to Terry Bellefleur?"

I wipe a tear rolling down my cheek.

"Did you call me in here to break my heart again?" I look forward to the day I can manage to go more than 48 hours without crying. I must have the cleanest eyeballs in Louisiana.

"No. I felt it needed to be said, and someday you might be glad you know. But now…I got something else to talk to you about. You know I have…powers, right?" he asks.

"You're a medium", I say, wiping my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm a medium. And more. When I…when Marnie…when I, killed Jesus, I got his powers. So I'm a brujo."

"You're a witch?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"A witch. And kinda like a demon. I made you wreck your car…um, sorry about that."

My mouth falls open. "Lafayette", I say, pulling back, "I don't know if you should be playing around with magic."

"Sook, whether that bitch was crazy or not, with Marnie I learned some stuff…some stuff about the dead and about…blood sacrifices. It took one from Jesus to stop her."

My head snaps up to look into his eyes.

I know better than to trust this.

"Sookie, if you don't want to get into this, I understand, I wouldn't do it to get Jesus back. Too dangerous, risky, and ya don't know what you're gettin back."

"Lafayette, I heard when Marnie tried to bring back the dead, all she brought back was a damn bird, and it lived under 30 seconds. If I see Eric for 30 seconds, and lose him again, it will KILL me, Lafayette. I'm not exaggerating, it would kill me." The risk…is too great.

And suddenly I'm pissed off. Really, really pissed off. He's fucking around with my life, my sanity, with my child's life. "How many times do you want me to watch him die?! "

"Sook, calm down", Lafayette responds, holding up both hands.

"I will not calm down. I would give anything on this earth to have my husband back. But there's nothing here for me and my son but more tears."

He pulls out a book. "Dream Magic." "There's more", he says, "I've been tryin to put this thing together, and I may have it."

I reach for the book. "Maybe if I looked at it."

He snatches it back. "Nooo. I know exactly what you'd do with it, play around with it. This ain't a layman's kinda book, Sook, and before you go on about your own powers, it ain't the same as mind readin and you know it."

I shove my chair back.

"Just think about it, Sook", he calls after me as I run out.

I'm running home after work the next day. I gotta go get my son from Jason, who's watching him on his day off.

Oh no.

I'm sooo glad I decided to come home, and put some beef in the crockpot before running to get E.J.

His kitten is dead. And lying right in front of my door. This wasn't an accidental death. The poor tiny thing had its neck wrung and was clearly placed in front of my door purposely. A warning. But who would do such a thing?

I peer across the cemetery. No, there was no motive, and an act like that is beneath Bill. But I have to admit the timing is suspicious, he'd seen the kitten just the other night.

Dammit. I go inside, and slam my keys on the counter, picking up the phone.

"Andy, it's Sookie, I need another kitten. One that looks EXACTLY like the one E.J. got."

Then I call Jason, and let him know I'm going to be late picking him up.

Then I get the spade and go outside. Not the first, and probably not the last, body I'll ever bury.

And then I cry. For the poor little kitten. For my own cat, Tina. For my Gran, and my Granddaddy, and my Momma, and my Daddy, and my beautiful son. But right now, it's mostly for me.

The minute E.J. comes through the door, he wants to play with his kitten. He cuddles it, but he knows something's wrong. But he's two years old. "This is a different one" isn't something he can say, or even form in his head. He just knows the pet he knew is gone, and he starts crying.

Then I start sobbing. It makes me feel terrible, but my toddler can be more mature than me sometimes. When a child sees a parent crying, they usually fall apart. I remember I did. But E.J. is different, like he appointed himself the man of the house. He stops crying himself and toddles over to me.

"Don't cry, Momma. Gud kitty."

He walks back over and pats the kitten gently on the head. He's the one reassuring me. Telling me it's okay that we both know it's not the same kitty, but it's a good kitty, and it's okay, and time to stop grieving.

And maybe he's right.

I sweep him up in my arms. "You've got such a good heart, baby."

I can't let this go, not only because of my son's tears, but for a far bigger reason than that. Depending on this perpetrator, who is he and what he wants, it might be my baby I find out on the porch next.

Maybe this is what I needed – a mission. Whoever it is, they fucked with the wrong person. My strangling depression has turned into rage.

Fear of risk doesn't exist anymore. Someone messed with my baby. NOBODY is going to hurt my baby. And just like that, I'm back.

I pick up the phone and dial. "Sam? You know that set up you have around your trailer and Merlotte's, how did you do that? Can you help me set up one here?"

He's terribly concerned. He wants to come over. It's the warning system I need, but I'm not just me alone anymore, and I can't say no if Sam is willing to sleep on my sofa and keep an eye on my son.

I take a good look at my son, and run to the bathroom.

In the mirror is dead-woman-walking. I felt like Eric's ghost was following us around, but the truth is he left us in peace. It's the part of me that can't seem to commit to either living or dying that's haunting us both. I peek out at my son, and he's happily playing with the new kitten. My son deserves a better mother than that. Eric deserves a wife who fulfills her promise to take care of our child.

Would I ever forgive myself if I let even one opportunity pass? Then I snatch up the phone before I can change my mind, and dial. "Lafayette, it's Sook. I'm in."


	17. Chapter 17: The Magic Girls Night Out

Thursday night is as busy as it always is on Ladies Night at Merlotte's. Jason is in the corner, telling some random woman about his high school football career. I shake my head.

"Sook", Lafayette says. He's sitting at the bar, not standing behind it. And Holly is sitting next to him.

"Lafayette, I appreciate you wantin to help, but I need to know before I even sit down, I'm not here to learn spells and have drinks with the girls. Do you have information for me? Be honest." I can't say the words.

"I think I do", he says, and my heart gallops. Stop. "Sit down, Sookie, sit down."

"Yeah, sit down", Holly echoes.

"Drink something", he insists.

"Gin and tonic", I tell Terry. Terry has no idea how to tend bar, and I can't believe he's standing there. Apparently Lafayette is supposed to be the bartender tonight, but he's taking an hour or two – off.

"Go ahead", I say.

"Drank first", he insists. Fine, I'm drinking. Terry hands me…something, it's in the ball park, and I take a swig.

"Sook, I know it's painful but I have to ask you how he died. For the record."

"By his own hand", I repeat, taking another swig.

"Suicides usually can't be summoned. There's some kind of cosmic punishment for that."

Good to know. "But you said this happened because of a blood sacrifice?" he asks.

"Yes, I brought information". I pull out a book about Viking lore. "The name of the sacrifice he took part in is the Blót.""

I planned to talk about this in abstracts. Like describing a movie I saw. But it's not a movie I'm seeing in my mind.

"Take it slow", Laf says. "Why did he die? It matters."

"He sacrificed himself to save his son. A life for a life. To make E.J. "real", I guess you could say. He knew I wouldn't leave without my baby, so he saved both our lives. And he saved his village, saved them from a war that killed them all. The only other time a King sacrificed himself, the village was blessed for a hundred years."

"This is Eric Northman?" Holly asks, skepticism in her voice.

"He didn't mean to hurt anyone that night at the Moon Goddess Emporium", I insist, but I can hear the bullshit detector going off in my own head.

Laf holds up a hand to stop her.

"We were dreaming together", I go on, "And it was sooo real. You have no idea what it was like. I was there for over two years. About a week here."

His mouth is hanging open and Holly is just staring.

"So you were in this dream together?" he asks.

"Yes. When I got there, I met Eric as a human, as a Viking. He had no idea who I was."

Lafayette quirks an eyebrow.

"I knew who I was, but he didn't. And we were together, and it was…paradise. I didn't ever want to wake up. We got married and then I got pregnant with E.J."

"In a dream….?" Lafayette asks, dripping with sarcasm. "You were pregnant with that baby I see with my own eyes – in a dream?"

"Yes. Then Eric fell asleep and took over his body so to speak, and he was the real Eric, or the Eric I know I guess you could say. We were so happy. No cares, sleeping in front of a roaring fire, we were so absorbed in each other, there was no room for anything but each other, and our baby, and love….it didn't matter what we didn't have. We didn't miss anything. There was no world outside that…it was like a fantasy that never ended."

"Damn that sounds nice", Lafayette says.

"It was." I wipe away a tear.

"What happened next?"

Holly is hanging on this tale like my Gran hung on her "stories", soap operas she just HAD to tune into everyday.

"Eric was away for six months for expansion. What the Vikings did…"

"You mean rape and pillage?" Holly asks.

"Not now, Holly", Laf advises. Smart too. "So he comes back, and it's baby makes three."

"Yes."

"So then what?"

"I forgot about myself. I forgot there was another world. But our bodies were still lying there on the bed. Eric could go on that way forever, but I was slowly dying of neglect. I was starting to die of thirst."

"Oh God!" Holly exclaims.

"But I knew our son wasn't real, he was a figment of our imaginations. I refused to wake up because I'd lose him. He only had life as long as I didn't wake up from my dream. I found myself prepared to die for my child. But…I should have known Eric had the whole thing planned out, he's never left anything to chance. So he performed the Blót sacrifice, which you can see in the book, and he died, for his son, and for me, and for everyone."

"Interesting."

"Interesting how, Lafayette?! I just spilled my guts to you. What is "interesting?"

"There's lots of kinds of blood sacrifices, Sook. Marnie participated in one. She wanted possession for power and to kill. Not exactly the purest of motives. Motive doesn't have anything to do with success. But, it might have some other kind of significance. Dying accidentally while performing a blood sacrifice – I don't know how that's classified by the spirit world – other than stupid. But dying to save someone else is not suicide, Sook, it's something different…."

"He died for his son, Lafayette, surely that doesn't count against him?" I wipe away a tear.

"I think it will make a difference", he says.

"So you're saying we may have a chance?"

"I'm saying we may have a chance", he says, and I allow my innards to flutter for the first time.

Lafayette picks up the book. "Thank you for bringin this, this is great, it'll help. I have to ask you, Sook – how did he kill himself? I'm sorry, but I gotta know what kinda corpse I'm dealin with." My husband is not a corpse, he was my husband.

"Not any kind you'd want to see, Lafayette. He took a knife and slashed through the brachial artery in his upper arm to start the flow", I say, squeezing my eyes shut, "But he didn't get the chance to bleed to death. He wanted to go fast…because I was standing there watching. He stood on the dry wood of a longship, dropped a torch, and burned to death. That only took seconds. Cremation is the only way to go to Valhalla."

"Oh God I'm gonna be sick", Holly jumps up and runs to the ladies room.

Laf is studying the pictures in the books, with his face screwed up in horror. "Dayum, white people is crazy."

"Nevermind that, can you help?"

He looks back at the book."So, I can give you a definite maybe."

I roll my eyes.

"The blood sacrifice angle is tricky because it didn't really happen. At least not in this world."

"Excuse me?" I ask. It happened, I was there.

"This dream magic thing is interesting though. It gave me an idea. So…you were dreaming, then Eric fell asleep and joined you in the dream. Was it different after that?"

"Completely different. We recognized each other for one thing. But, more than that, Eric started recognizing people, places, things, stuff people said. We were reliving history. His history. We even saw f*cking Russell Edgington…"

Lafayette jumps at that.

"We figured you can't change history. But we did, Eric did, he changed everything when he chose to die as a human. He never met Godric, he never became a vampire…"

Laf holds up his hand.

"You CANNOT change reality girlfriend, you cannot change history, that's impossible. You dreamed the whole damn thing. What I think happened is that when Eric came into the dream as Eric, his imagination filled in the details with stuff that happened in his life. It wasn't purely imagination for him, he lived it, so he knew what happened next. He controlled the dream from then on, and you went along for the ride. The good news is that nothing actually changed as far as reality is concerned, the bad news is when a dream is over, it's over, and yours is over."

"If we didn't change reality, how do you explain my two year old?" I insist.

"I dunno, girlfriend, I think his survival is part of Eric's sacrifice. Dayum, you guys messed things all up, I don't even know how you did it! Probably couldn't repeat it again in a thousand years no matter how hard you tried."

"So that's it then?" I ask. "Eric is never comin back?" I wipe away a tear. Up and down these hopes.

"Hear me out", he says. "The Dream Magic angle might work better, but it's a longshot. I can't change reality, and I can't change your dream. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end, and it's over and done with. But…I might be able to give you a new dream. I could put you under the way he did, easy as pie. But it's finding the right place. You would have to wind up at the EXACT right place, at the EXACT right moment, and Sook, this worked so well because Eric knew where he was going. I ain't never been to Sweden, and lookin at this f*ckin book, I ain't never goin. If I just think of tall blondes, hell you could wind up in Kansas or a strip club in Miami."

Even now he can make me laugh.

"I know where I'm going, I spent two years there."

"You sho?" he raises an eyebrow. "'Cause I ain't responsible if you end up in Istanbul, or Disneyland, or somewheres."

"He'll lead me, I know he will." Lafayette looks at me like I'm some kind of crazy religious convert.

"So when do we get started!" I cry. Oh god, even the slightest chance….

"This is gonna take some preparation. I'm not going to guess at this. People have gone mad from this shit, Sookie. Terrible things can happen. Honestly, I don't want to do it at all."

"But you will. Please Lafayette, if there's a chance…."

Holly comes back looking pale.

"You meet me at my place tomorrow around 7, okay?" he says.

"Yes."

The next evening, I'm there at 7 on the nose. I wrung my hands all day from nervousness. And dropped enough plates to make Sam think I'd lost it.

"Sook, are you SURE?"

"Lafayette, I've spent two years crying over my husband. Usually every day. I have a toddler, who has never met his father, but has already asked for his Daddy. Someone just killed E.J.'s kitten and purposely left it on my doorstep."

"What?!"

"Yeah! Someone is trying to make a point, but they f*cked with the wrong woman this time."

"Well I'm glad to hear some fire in your voice. Who the hell would kill a kitten? This world is all f*cked up."

"Someone was obviously trying to make a point."

"Who?" he asks.

"My son is two years old. He can't have any enemies."

"You sho? I can thinka one right now – Miss Swynford De Beaufort."

"Pam is a bitch and a piece of work…"

"Go on which your bad self. Tell it how it is."

"A bitch", I repeat, "But not a kitten murderer. I don't see it. It's been years, and I haven't heard a peep. I don't think she would consider E.J. an enemy. If she does, I'll stake her if she sets foot on my property."

"I don't know why my cousin don't find some way to help you out…"

"You're wastin your time with that, Lafayette. Tara is Pam's progeny, and now her lover. It is possible to disobey your maker if you try hard enough, but you can ask Pam herself if you want to know if it's a fun experience or not. Her relationship with Eric was never the same. And Tara is so young, she couldn't begin to question her maker. It's not her fault, Lafayette, just let it go."

"You know a helluva lot more about this than I'd ever want to. Who else? Bill?" he asks.

"I thought about that. The timing is right, he saw the kitten when he dropped by just the other evening. But still – kitten killing to make a point? I don't think so."

"He dropped by?"

"Yes, Lafayette." Sigh. "He came to give us his sympathies. And make me feel guilty that my son doesn't have a father."

"Was he offering?"

"I couldn't even tell you. He was acting…weird."

"Two possible culprits if you ask me", Lafayette says.

"I also have to consider it could be someone else, someone I don't know. Or worse, someone I do. A lot of people in this town don't like my son, don't trust him. I can hear their nasty thoughts. They might be stalking us, or worse, they might mean us harm. It might be somebody I see in Merlotte's every day."

"Sook, do you really think so?"

"If we learned anything from Renee Lenier, it's always the last person you suspect."

"Damn, you're depressin me, girl."

"Let's get goin now."

"Oh Sook. We're doin this a little at a time, understand me?"

"Understood."

"Okay, we're going five minutes this time. You tell me all about a place you want to go, describe it down to the closet detail, so I can really see it. It will be a test to see if you can describe it well and if I can picture it well. I'll send you there. You'll sleep, you try to change something, and I'll wake you up in five minutes, and tell me what you saw", he says.

"Lafayette is this really necessary? If there's a chance I can get Eric back, I want to get going."

"It's my way, or no way, Sook."

"Fine", I growl.

"Without the attitude, girl." I roll my eyes.

"Maybe a cabin I went to as a child with Jason, Momma, and Daddy…"

"No. One thing I forgot to mention is that there's a good chance you'll see yourself. That would freak a kid out."

"Then let's go back to last night, at the bar. We both have a clear image of it."

"Okay…."

I lie down on his sofa.

"I'm not at all tired, you can…." I start.

"Don't worry about that", he says, "Close your eyes." He warms his hands up like he's about to give me a massage or perform surgery or something.

I close my eyes and try to relax. "I'm thinking about the bar last night", he says, "When you sat down on the barstool. Let yourself go, Sookie, everything is fine, everything is safe, let yourself go…."

I blink and there I am, at Merlottes last night. Yes! There's Jason chatting up the woman. Can't let him see me twice. There's Lafayette and Holly. Terry is handing me the gin and tonic.

"Drank first", Lafayette orders. There I am – taking a gulp from the glass. Is that what my hair looks like from the back?

I hear us chattering back and forth. I see myself pull out the book I brought. I see Holly gag and run to the rest room.

Good a time as any. I follow her, and she goes into a stall and shuts the door. I go into the stall next to her.

"There's no toilet paper over here, could you hand me some? Like…a roll?", I ask.

"Sure", she says, "I work here and I can tell you if there's no paper, somebody is gonna be in big trouble for not keepin up the bathroom."

She hands me the roll under wall between us.

"Thank you!", I say, take the roll, put it on the back of the seat, and then run for it.

I can feel myself being pulled awake. I have to obey Lafayette on this, so I grudgingly allow him to.

I open my eyes to find him standing over me.

"How did it go?" he asks, and he looks scared.

"Great. I saw the whole thing, it was completely real. But we gotta go check with Holly. I handed her some toilet paper."

"You did what?" he asks, his face screwed up in disgust.

"Oh never mind, let's go."

I drive entirely too fast to Merlottes.

"Holly? Holly Holly!"

"What's on fire?" Holly asks, coming out with a coffee pot, "What's wrong with you, Sookie?"

"I have to ask you a question. When you left to go to the restroom last night…."

"Yeah, sorry about that, Sookie, a witch needs to have a stronger stomach than that."

"It's not a problem. What I want to know is – when you went to the restroom, did you talk to anybody else while you were in there?"

"Huh?"

"THINK Holly, did anyone ask you for anything?"

"Now that you mention it, yeah! Somebody in the stall next to me told me there was no toilet paper, and to pass a roll. But I double checked and there was plenty."

"Thanks Holly", I say, running past her into the bathroom. In the stall I was in last night, the roll I put on the back of the seat is sitting exactly where I put it.

"Lafayette!"

He pushes the ladies room door open. "Is we seriously standin here lookin at a toilet?"

"Do you see the roll of toilet paper on the back of the toilet?"

"What?"

"Do you see it there?"

"I don't see anything, Sookie." He stops and turns his head to me. "Do you?"

"Yes. I changed things just the way Eric and I did. But it didn't change for you", I say. "Why?"

"I don't know, Sookie. I wish you'd slow down", he bemoans.

"If it's a matter of opinion whether the paper roll moved, is it a matter of opinion whether Eric is dead?!"

He shakes his head and rubs his temples. "Sook, it's not a matter of opinion. This dream state thinga ma jig seems to create two different realities."

"We're practicing every night…"

"Once a week", he says.

"Twice a week."

"Okay, twice a week", he says, "Sookie, I don't know what kind effect it could have on a person being sent back and forth like this. I want to practice this, but we can't do it too much."

"Laf, none of that matters…"

"I won't risk hurtin you, Sookie, not for him, or anybody else, you got me?" he insists.

"I got you."

"I need to do some more research on this. Drinks tomorrow?" he asks. "After work, we'll take a table."

I leap into Lafayette's arms.

"Girlfriend, it's toilet paper, not bringing back the dead", he says, returning my hug. "I sent you back in time like Eric did, I still don't know if I can send you back into a dream. We don't know anything at this point. Now can we get the hell out of the baffroom? You couldn't think of somethin less nasty?"

"Tomorrow", I say, wiping a tear. Please, please, please…


	18. Chapter 18: Sleep

I went back into the past successfully five times. We started with places Lafayette was already familiar with. He may not have known exactly what my kitchen looked like on a certain day until I described it to him, but he knew what my kitchen looked like.

Next, we went to places I was familiar with, but he was not. Like the forest behind my house. The inside of Bill's living room, where he nearly spotted me. He knew something was wrong, but he blinked and I was gone.

Every time I went back, I went to somewhere further and further outside Lafayette's scope of reference until I had to be pretty damn good at describing for him to get a feel for the place. Between my descriptions and Lafayette's mad skills, we got it right every time. I saw myself in at Lou Pine's bar, but apparently I was so used to weirdness, I just turned my head. Did I really wear a see-thru white lace shirt there? I would have done anything to save Bill, including becoming werewolf bait. Anything to get back the man I loved. I'm starting to see a pattern.

Five times we successfully did what Eric had done with me. But this was far more complicated. Could I be sent back into a dream?

"Sookie", Lafayette whispers, "There's only one way I know of that this can work successfully and that's to take you back right before Eric put you to sleep, and you could stop him."

"That's out of the question."

"I knew that, I just had to say it", he says.

He's telling me what I already knew – that I may have to choose between my son and my husband. If he took me back to that point in reality, I could stop him, and I would have Eric back, safe and sound. But my son would never have existed. I won't risk my child for anything, and I won't disrespect Eric's sacrifice. I have to stop him after E.J. is born, and that's only inside of a dream. And since actual reality isn't being changed, I'll make sure E.J. doesn't go back with me, and everything should be fine. Everything should be fine if I can only accomplish the impossible.

I feel like I'm watching one of those dang movies like "Inception" or something. None of this makes sense to me, and I have to trust Lafayette to have some idea what's going on.

"Okay, Sook", he says, "let's go back to when you did the thang with Holly and the baffroom."

Everything depended on this test.

I had described my dream to Lafayette perfectly, and he knew where he was going, and everything that had happened, kinda like Eric had.

"Sook, if anything weird happens, wake yourself up, got it?" He leans over me and puts his hands on top of mine. "Sleep Sookie, relax, close your eyes…."

"Here goes nuthin", I say, and fade away.

When I open my eyes, I'm at Merlotte's on that night. And I see two me's! There I am, listening to Lafayette, and Holly gets up to go the bathroom. Then I see myself follow her. Three Sookies, God help the world.

So I follow her.

As I'm about to go into the stall, I grab my arm to stop me. But my hand goes right through my arm, like I'm a ghost. No, no, no…I try it again. I try to grab my arm as the other me closes the door, but I can't do it.

"Stop!" I yell at the top of my lungs, but they can't hear me. I hear myself ask Holly for the toilet paper. I hear her respond. I keep yelling and yelling and yelling….and wake up sobbing.

"Sook!" Lafayette gasps, as I wake up on his sofa, "What happened?"

"I couldn't do it, I couldn't interact with anyone. I was only an observer. If I can't grab my own arm, how can I stop Eric! I couldn't feel me, I couldn't even hear me!"

"Sookie, I was afraid of this", he says, "It's a dream within a dream, your abilities are limited."

"No! This has to work, it has to!"

"Sookie, you have to understand that I don't even know what's going on here…"

"No! You're powerful, Lafayette, you can figure this out, I know you can!" I take a breath. "Lafayette, if you put me back in that time, the only thing that's going to happen is that I'll watch him die again."

"Sookie, I'm so sorry."

"Please, please, help me."

"I'm keep studyin it, Sook, but…"

"No buts!" I say. He rubs my back when I can't seem to stop crying. "You were my only hope, Lafayette."

"Shit", he says, rolling his eyes, "Fine, I'll spend every spare second I got tryin to figure this out. Now get back to that baby."

I check the clock. 9 pm. Shit. E.J. has not been happy with me lately. He's gotten worse and worse every time I leave him with someone, and tonight he kicked and screamed when I left him with Arlene. She doesn't need to be dealing with that. And I promised her I'd be back by 8.

It's become a habit to have her bring E.J. to work, I feed him there, and she takes him back again.

When I get there and knock on the door, Arlene glares at me. Shit. "Sookie, you can't just be an hour late."

"I know I'm sorry…"

"I know you're doin some kind of somethin with Lafayette, and he told me it was important, but I'm not a permanent babysitter."

Terry joins her by the door. "Arlene, take it easy. I'll make you some tea."

"I don't want any dang tea!" she says marching away.

"Terry, I'm so sorry…" I say.

"There's lots of dead people I'd do anything to get back too. He can stay here whenever you want." And he kisses my forehead! "I'll handle Arlene."

"But you're also supposed to watch him on Wednesday during the day and I can't ask…"

"Hush now, it's all right. Hold on."

He walks away and come comes back with a sleeping E.J. in his arms. Little blonde angel. Or devil. Like his father, it was hard to tell sometimes.

I take him from Terry, whisper "thank you", and walk back to the car. Unfortunately he wakes up when I'm putting him in baby seat.

He erupts into howls. "Hush, baby please, hush, we're goin home."

But he wants to be held NOW. Now that he was finally has me back for the moment.

"I know you missed me, baby, I'm sorry. I missed you too."

Luckily I don't live too far across town. I park and take him out of his seat. He's kicking and punching and screaming.

"E.J. no! Stop!"

"Mommmmauh!" I hold him close to me, and tuck him under my chin.

He's breathing heavy.

"Stop, please, stop." He's going to make himself sick.

"Momma", he finally whispers, completely exhausted. I'm supposed to work tomorrow, but I'm taking the day off, no matter that we need the money. I need to reconnect with him. We can spend the whole day playing. My baby is falling apart.

My brain is attuned at this point to every little movement, and I could have sworn I saw a shadow flit behind the tree with the tire swing. I do a double take. I'm seeing things, as tired and stressed out as E.J.

I put the key in the lock and carry him into the house.

"I love you, baby, so much", I whisper to him. I put my purse and keys down.

"Hate Momma."

"You do not hate me", I insist, but it stings. I look into his eyes. "E.J, do you hate me?"

He shakes his head "no", and starts to cry softly. I lock the door, and check it twice. I jump at the "meow", but it's only Taffy, E.J.'s kitten. He's hungry and tired of waiting for me, like everyone else.

I put E.J. down and feed the kitten, who tears into his Kitten Chow. I look at the clock. 9:30. By now, E.J. should have been in bed an hour ago. "Time for bed, baby." He whines. We've had exactly 15 minutes together today. Normally, I would have put him down, and be back down here myself doing things, but I'm asking him to spend more time apart.

I scoop him up in my arms and carry him upstairs. "No, Momma", he whines.

This calls for one of our traditional little campsites, our own little Viking village. I put some kindling in the fireplace, and light a fire.

I pull the mattress off my bed again, and pull it up into the front of the fire, the only way I could fall asleep for months after I woke up.

"I know you're sleepy", I say, "And so is Momma."

Rather than put him in his crib, I cuddle up with him in front of the fire. He's calm since I'm keeping him with me.

"Goodnight, baby."

"Nights, Momma."

He's asleep in seconds. I wish it was so easy for me. I have to get Eric back, I HAVE to. I need him desperately. His son needs him. And right now, it looks impossible. Maybe it would have been better if I'd never tried at all. My heart is breaking again.

I cuddle E.J. close, stroking his ultra soft platinum hair. Eric, if you saw him, you'd be so proud. Outside, a startled dog barks in the distance. I close my eyes and drift off.


	19. Chapter 19: Dreamstate

The phone is ringing. And I'm going to punch whoever it is. It's 7 am, and I was out like a light. Thankfully, E.J. is still sleeping.

I grab it at the fourth ring before the machine picks up. "'ello?"

"Sook, I think I figured it out." I can't believe it. After being sent back into dream after dream, I would always enter the dream as an independent observer. Unlike being literally sent back in time, I couldn't change anything, just watch.

Twenty minutes later, I'm slamming my fist into Jason's door. "Wake up!"

He throws open the door clad in nothing but a sheet, holding a Miller Lite pillow in front of his hoo haw. He's rubbing his eyes.

"What the fu…"

"Watch your language, I've got E.J."

"Punkle Jason", E.J. confirms.

"Do you have any idea what time it is? I gotta be up by 10, and then I gotta go to work, Sook, on the road crew, I can't watch him."

"You're gonna have to go in late. I'll make this as fast as possible. I'm skippin work too."

"Sook, come on, I don't know what you're doing, but you can't mess around with my work and my life like this, I could get fired for not showing up!" he yells.

"Oh bullshit, I'll give Andy a call and he won't let you be fired…he owes me big by now." Oh shit, did I just curse?

"Bullshits", E.J. repeats. Jason is awake enough to crack up laughing.

"Now go put on some pants."

He runs and comes back 30 seconds later with jeans on.

"Go with your Uncle Jason", I say, handing him to my brother.

"Sook, no!" Jason takes him though.

"I'll make it quick."

"Momma!" E.J. howls.

"Wanna make sloppy joes?" Jason asks.

He lets my son eat sloppy joes. Apparently at 7 in the morning.

But I gotta take my chance, and go. E.J. is smiling at the prospect of a sloppy joe.

"See ya! Thanks Jason!"

"Sook, wait!"

But I'm gone and driving. Jason will take good care of his nephew, whether he wants to right now or not. They have a great time together. I think they're about the same level of maturity.

I'm pounding on Laf's door.

"Lafayette!"

"Girl, when we're done here, I'm still gonna need my door", he complains, opening the door in a new silk kimono with a cigarillo in his mouth.

"What did you find out?" I ask.

"Sit."

I growl.

"I said sit", he demands and I sit.

"Okay. When Eric went back into his dream, the real Eric, the evil Eric…"

I frown.

"Okay, when the Eric we know went back, what he did is pretty much what you want to do. He wasn't a separate observer, or another Eric, because he inhabited a body, his own body. I think if I can send you back, your mind, anyway, and if you can inhabit the Sookie you were then, I think you can influence things."

My mouth falls open. "You really think so?" I can't stop smiling no matter how much I want to not hope.

"I think so. I'm a physical medium, I have experience being inhabited by people, whether I like it or not." He wrinkles up his nose.

"But those are ghosts, I'm not dead."

"Neither was Eric."

"You're right. Do you know how to do this?" I ask.

"I can send you into your body, yes. But this is dangerous, we have to practice…"

"Lafayette, I'm tired of practicing…"

"This could kill you, Sook, do you understand that? We've been pushing you into and ripping you out of one parallel universe after another over and over. You can't keep doing this."

"So show me how to do this once."

He groans. "Okay. The number one thing is to know exactly where you're going. That's why it was so easy for Eric. We don't want to concentrate on putting you in a dream, like we have been. We don't want a second Sookie who can't be seen or heard, we want you to enter your body as it is there already. Concentrate on a specific moment, a feeling. You want to get in touch with an emotion rather than placing yourself in a dream. Does that make any sense?"

"No."

"Not to me either."

"Let's just try it", I say.

I lie back on his sofa, and try to forget the sweet stink of his cigarillo.

"Tell me where you're going", he says.

"Back to the bar on that night."

"The night with the damn toilet paper?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Yes, keep still, Lafayette, and just do it."

"Just do it", he says, and I close my eyes.

Okay, concentrate on an emotion, hmmm. How about how funny it was to ask Holly for toilet paper.

I open my eyes and watch her head toward the bathroom.

"Holly? Holly!" But there I am, sitting on the barstool, and there she goes, unable to hear or see me.

No! This isn't working. There's no point staying in this dream and I shake myself awake.

"That was fast", Laf says.

"It didn't work." I swallow hard to get past the lump in my throat. This has to work. "When I entered the dream, I couldn't do anything but watch myself and Holly."

"You have to get inside yourself, Sook. Not watching yourself, you have step inside yourself."

"If I could do that don't you think I would?!"

"Sookie, I told you this is tough stuff and it might take a while or we may never figure it out…"

"No! I'll do it myself…Lafayette…please…" The harder I fight not to cry, the more tears stream down my cheeks, the scarier I sound. This isn't his fault. "Lafayette, please, I can't live without him."

"F*ckkkk", Laf moans. "Okay, do you know the moment modern Eric entered ancient Eric's body?"

"It was as we were falling asleep", I sniffle, "It felt like something happened, like a shock or a breeze, or something. I didn't know what it was, but I felt it."

"When did it happen?"

I wipe my eyes and smile. "Just days before E.J. was born. I was wrapped up in Eric's arms, warm and safe. His arms around me, his hand on my belly. The baby always quieted under that big, warm hand. We were just waiting for E.J., sleeping, cuddling, it was wonderful."

Lafayette sighs. "What emotion did you choose when you went back to our night at the bar?"

"How funny it was to trick Holly", I say, drying my eyes.

"Well that ain't nearly strong enough, Sook. Can you imagine why it was so easy for Eric to be drawn into himself? How much he wanted to experience that? That memory probably meant everything to Eric…" He clears his throat. I know this Eric is foreign to Lafayette. "You gotta do better than that, Sookie."

I could do this night and day, for days and weeks on end. Try to find a memory that moved me enough. Maybe Momma and Daddy's funeral. But I won't do it. I won't keep breaking my heart over and over and keep failing.

"Laf, I can't do this anymore", I say. "This is either going to work, or it isn't but I can't have my heart broken anymore or spend any more time away from my child."

"Sookie, we need to practice…"

"No!" I yell, "I've had enough of this! I want him back NOW. If he wakes up, he'll wake up where he fell asleep right? In our bed?"

He nods his head distantly.

"Please, Lafayette, please…"

He grudgingly follows me to my car.

I spend an hour describing the village, every single detail. The way the houses look, the people who live there, their names, descriptions, the walk to the Baltic Sea, the inside of the main house, the throne room, the small room where Eric and I slept.

"Do you think you can find it?" I ask. He nods his head.

"Sook, I still don't want you to do this."

I lie down on our bed, in my old bedroom, on my pink comforter. It's strange to be back here. After I woke up with a handful of ash, I never slept here again.

"God almighty, Sookie. Okay, you have half an hour. I'm not risking you. You got that? You have one half hour, and then I wake you up, with or without Eric."

"Okay", I confirm.

"I can see you ignoring me! But I can and will wake you up, Sook!"

"Just put me under." I snuggle down onto the bed and close my eyes. I know exactly the moment. The moment that will tear my heart out from fear, and compel me into my own body.

"Shit", Lafayette says. It's the last thing I hear from this world.

A deep breath. Snow, everywhere. I'm not used to the cold anymore, and I gasp with the shock. I allow myself one moment to look around and remember. It's like I never left. This place is as much my home as Bon Temps, a dream from which I never wanted to awaken, paradise in the Dark Ages.

"Majesty?"

"Ysgar?!" I throw my arms around him. Shaggy red beard, woolen clothes, furs wrapped around him, I'm even happy to have his stink back.

It worked! Thank you God, it worked!

I'm holding papers in my hand and one slips through my fingers. I pick it up.

_Sookie mine,_

_I knew if I left this here you would find it. You're endlessly curious. By now, I am likely already gone. This is my last word to you. I can't bring myself to tell you good-bye, and if I did, I know you would never let me go. And I couldn't bear to leave. I'm taking part in a sacrifice called The Blót. Rest assured this is best for everyone…_


	20. Chapter 20: Too Late

I'm posting these two chapters together, because ya'll would kill me if you read this alone.

I open my eyes. And a letter falls out of the pile of papers in my hand.

_Sookie mine,_

_I knew if I left this here you would find it. You're endlessly curious. By now, I am likely already gone. This is my last word to you. I can't bring myself to tell you good-bye, and if I did, I know you would never let me go. And I couldn't bear to leave. I'm taking part in a sacrifice called The Blót. Rest assured this is best for everyone…_

"Your Majesty?!" Ysgar yells. He knows.

"He's going to sacrifice himself. Help me! Run!" I scream, as we run toward the beach.

Every second it takes to get there, every moment is a moment he may not have. I curse my own legs for being too slow.

Please, please, please…I'll give anything for him. I pray to every God I can think of from Jesus to Odin. Please, please…

My breath catches in my throat.

"Eric!"

Standing on the small longboat, he spins around.

I make a sound like "guk."

There he is, my husband, the man I love more than my own life, 6'4 inches of lean muscle, blonde hair flopping over his forehead, brilliant baby blue eyes. He has a sad smile on his face that turns to shock and anger. I never thought I'd see him again. I have to touch him, my arms are aching to hold him. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it. He's right here in front of me.

Bile rises into my throat. I'm going to throw up from nerves.

"Sookie, no! You weren't supposed to get here this fast!" he howls.

"Eric, I'm not the Sookie you think, it's me from before we fell asleep, from our future, from 2012. Please, Eric, listen to me, I came back for you."

He looks skeptical. "Do you think I want to leave you, Sookie? But you won't leave without our boy, and I can't let him die."

"He's safe! He's fine and safe and looks just like you!" I wipe away a tear. Blood is roaring in my ears, and my head feels like it's going to pop off. "You don't need to die for him, he's safe and sound, I promise."

"Sookie, you can't trick me into this….I know you won't wake up."

"I will! I will right now, come with me! Come to me right now, and we'll both wake up this very second, I promise!" I howl.

He's deliberating.

"Eric, please", I whisper.

He shakes his head. "You would say anything right now. I'm not going to allow you to die of thirst. You'll be here forever", he says, patting his heart, "I'll take this love into the land of my ancestors where it will never die. I'll sit at my father's table again."

"My King!" Asgar shouts, "You are not some besotted bed slave going to join her master. You are a King, and this is not your decision to make!"

"A blood sacrifice hasn't taken place in centuries. I'll save my wife and child, and bless the village for generations. You will not have to worry about the Danes this time", Eric reassures him. Ysgar misses the "this time."

"Ysgar, you are the new King."

"No, you cannot do this…"

"Accept this with humility", Eric says, "I will stand in the Hall of Warriors, and hope I meet their worth."

"Eric!" I scream.

"You're mine. This is my job. Taking care of our child is yours. Ysgar, get her out of here! Now!"

But I slip through his fingers. Pure adrenaline driven by consuming love is a powerful force.

Eric raises a knife, with a beautiful ivory handle, into the air, and brings it down, slashing the veins in his right arm.

"No! Eric, Eric!" I'm too late, again too late….this isn't happening, this isn't happening….

That precious arm. I have to stop the bleeding.

"Baby!"

"Odin, VITTNE mitt slaktoffer!" Eric cries out.

I have to change something, distract him. Last time I dove into the water after he dropped the torch. So I dive in now. I need to get my hands on him, my arms around him.

"Sookie!" Eric yells as I jump into the water and swim to the karve, my mind trying to focus, but water that cold won't let you focus on anything but pain.

By the time I reach the ship, he hasn't dropped the torch, he's too focused on me.

"Pull me up!" I yell.

He tosses the torch into the water, and lifts me up with both hands.

He pulls me out of the water, and yanks me into his arms.

"Are you crazy?"

"Yes, crazy about you." I reach up on my tip toes and kiss him. I put everything I have into that kiss, my hopes, my dreams, my love for him, my desperate desire to have him back, the image of us together in the future. He breaks the kiss and looks down at me, a smile spreading across his face.

"It is you."

"Told you."

He yanks me hard into his arms, then he stumbles. Oh God, his arm.

"Let's get the hell out of here", I sniff. We both jump back into the frigid water and swim to shore.

"Your Majesty, what were you thinking?!" Ysgar yells.

But as we come onto shore, we're both soaked red with blood.

Last time, he burned while still alive to get it over with for me, and I've saved him from that fate. But technically, a blood sacrifice is supposed to bleed out. He slashed an artery, and he's human.

He teeters.

"Eric?" He's soaked, hot, red blood is gushing down his arm.

He falls to his knees.

"Sookie?"

"Eric!"

He falls flat. "I'm so sorry I didn't believe you right away. I love you."

"Eric!"

I rip off the bottom of my dress and wrap it around his arm, but it doesn't even slow the blood much less staunch it.

"Majesty, there's nothing we can do", Ysgar says, trying to pull me away.

"Eric, no!"

"Shhh", he whispers, reaching up, and touching my hair. "It doesn't hurt. This isn't like the burning was. This is peaceful, Sookie, even comfortable. I'm just getting cold, but it's okay. Tell our son I love him. I'm sorry…I listened too late…" No, I didn't come this far, try this hard, or wait this long to watch him die again.

"Help me put pressure on it!" I hiss to Asgar. He joins me and pushes down on the wound. "He only has to live long enough to wake up! Trust me."

"Wake up, Eric, you have to wake up now!"

Eric shivers as the blood flows out of him and he gets colder and colder. "He's going fast", Ysgar says. "You should say good-bye." He turns his head.

"Kiss me", Eric moans. Dammit, I don't have time for this, but I lean over and kiss him. He grants me access to his mouth, hoping I'm going to kiss him hard and long. But not now. He looks sad, like I've cheated him.

I'm very thankful for that CPR class I took at the YMCA a year after E.J. was born. I tear off another piece of my dress and tie off his arm as tight as I can. He yelps.

"Hold my hand", he requests. "Please. Make sure my body is burned, promise me."

I don't have time for last wishes, I'm too busy making sure these wishes are far from his last. But I can't help but take his hand as something comes into Eric's eyes I've never seen before – fear. "Eric, WAKE UP!"

He gasps, his body starts to jerk, and his blue eyes open wide. He squeezes my hand hard, staring into my eyes. And then his eyes close and his grip on my hand becomes limp.

Fuck! "No! This is NOT HAPPENING AGAIN!"

A life for a life, right? I'm looking around on the beach. "Give me your knife, Ysgar."

"Majesty…"

"This is an order from your Queen, I said give it to me!"

"No", he says.

"Eric", I say, turning back to him, "Wake up, wake up, you have to wake up now. You're a vampire and you can't die! You have to wake up as yourself right now!" But I think he's lost consciousness.

I'm not a suicidal person, nor a person who likes pain, nor particularly a brave person when it comes to these things. Do I have what it takes to do this? Without me, E.J. is going to need his father. I'm not going back without Eric.

I feel a pull. Lafayette is waking me up.

"Leave me alone, Lafayette!"

But I know he can feel that I'm in danger.

"I said give me your knife, a life for a life, I can save him!" I'm not going back without Eric, I'm not. My heart is thundering, I wipe the spit off my chin, and the tears away. "Please, please, I only have moments", I whisper. I shake Eric for all I'm worth, and give him that long, hard kiss. "Wake up, wake up! Please!"

Eric's men are running onto the beach, looking at me with hatred.

"Witch!" Asgar accuses. "I knew it the minute I saw you, coming out of nowhere. Listen as she speaks to voices in her head. You seduced our King and made him kill himself."

"Stay back", Ysgar roars at him.

"Eric!" I yell. He has no pulse.

"Wake up!"

I tip his head back, and breathe into his mouth, then try to restart his heart.

"One, two, three, four, five…" I count, doing five chest compressions. Then I tilt his head back again and blow into his lungs.

"Wake up, dammit!" "One, two, three, four, five…."

I can feel Lafayette pulling hard now.

"Leave me alone!" I tip his head back and breathe into his lungs. "One, two, three, four…"

"The sacrifice of a King was why he did it", Ysgar says, "And now I'm King. A life for a life. May you and Eric be very happy, and have many strong heirs together." And with that, he pulls a long, impressive blade from his belt, and he jams his knife deep into his abdomen.

"No!" That wasn't my intention. If Eric is already dead, he just killed himself for nothing. But he can't be, he can't be….

"Wake up!" I want to help, I want to do something…my mind is racing. But I can't. Lafayette is waking me up and these precious seconds are all I have left.

There's nothing I can do, Eric isn't responding to anything. I flip my leg over and straddle him, leaning over and cuddling him as close to me as possible. I cradle his head in the crook of my arm. "Wake up, baby, please." I bury my face in his neck, and inhale his familiar scent. I'm not letting go. I'm not letting go. No one can take him from me if I won't let go.

I open my eyes. Lafayette is leaning over me, his mouth hanging open. "Oh my f*ckin God."


	21. Chapter 21: Resurrection

Laf POV:

I did it. I sent one person into a dream, and two came back. I can't believe Eric f*ucking Northman is laying there, all but naked with some kinda fur wrapped around his waist. I know part of her wanted to get him back as a live human, so they could have a normal life together, but that was impossible. If he woke up, he had to wake up as who he was when he fell asleep. But I don't know what the hell I have on my hands here. Vampire or corpse, we may have to get him in the ground fast. I pulled those drapes she got, but I don't know if it's enough. And I'm terrified to be messin around with Eric Northman period.

"Let him go, Sookie, come on, let him go."

Sookie POV:

I feel Lafayette separating me from Eric, but I only cling tighter.

"Sookie!"

"Leave me alone", I howl. Eric is here. With me, I can still smell him. I kiss his chest. I can taste him too. But I won't look up.

"We can't help him until you let go", I hear Lafayette say.

I'm clinging to the man on my bed. Eric is covered in his own blood, clad in nothing but a tunic and furs.

I open my eyes and release him. Rather than a pile of ash, this time I have Eric. But what is he? A dead human? A "living" vampire?

"Eric", I whisper, looking up. Lafayette and I stare at each other.

"He doesn't have a pulse, but that doesn't mean anything. Cut me", I say, "He needs to feed."

"Sook, no, you've got to be crazy. He needs some TruBlood…"

"TruBlood can't help him in this condition, Lafayette. There's a manicure scissors in the bathroom." He just sits there. "Now!"

He makes a lot of noise rummaging around, and comes back with it. "Sook, I…" he holds it up, shaking.

"Can't he just bite you?"

"He's too weak", I explain. "Oh for God sake." I take it away from him and slash into my wrist.

"Shit! Sookie!" he yells. "Shit!"

Ow, God, that hurt.

I hold my wrist to his mouth. "Drink, baby, come on."

Nothing.

"Drink!" I scream, opening his lips and pushing my wrist into his mouth.

"Sookie, if he's dead…I'm sorry."

There is no anguish like this. To lose him once was earth shattering, to lose him twice is soul shattering.

I cradle his head and let out a sobbing howl. "Noooo!"

Lafayette just slides to the floor and covers his ears. Then he reaches for me.

"Sook, I'm so sorry, this is my fault, I wish I never would have said a word…"

My lips are pressed to Eric's forehead. A soft flick. Was that his tongue? Another flick. He's licking my wrist!

"Oh my God! Yes! Lafayette, he woke up!"

Lafayette sits up and stares, amazed.

"He woke up in time. Thank you God, thank you, thank you, thank you…" I keep repeating.

Eric licks the blood on my wrist, and gets stronger by the second. He grabs my wrist and holds it to his mouth, sucking. Oh how I missed that sensation.

"Thank you God, thank you", I sigh, ruffling sweaty blonde hair off his forehead.

Lafayette is staring with his mouth open.

"Mmmm, mmmm", Eric moans. I can't do anything but smile, but run my fingers through his hair. The big cut on his arm heals, the skin sealing itself up around a healed artery.

"That's it, baby." I smile.

Lafayette looks worried as sweat starts to bead on my forehead.

"That's enough, Sook, you've given him enough."

"He can have as much as he wants!"

"Sookie!" Lafayette yells, and pulls me away. "I said that's enough."

He runs to the bathroom and comes back with a glass of water. I gulp it.

My husband looks… perfect. It will never cease to amaze me how a vampire can go from essentially dead to perfectly fine in seconds. They can recover from any wound except a stake. He doesn't have a f*cking scratch on him.

"Eric?"

He gasps softly, and opens his eyes. They focus on me.

"Sookie…" It's a low, soft, deep whisper. He seems confused.

"Yes, it's okay, you're fine, we're both fine."

"Sookie. I thought I'd never see you again."

"You're back, you're back…" I hold him close, and press my forehead to his, hot tears gushing down my face.

"You know I…"Eric takes a gulp and then clears his throat, "Don't like it when you cry."

"Sit up, sit up", I say, helping pull him up.

There's fresh red blood dripping down my arm. "Wha…Sookie" He lifts my wrist. "Say something or there will be two of us bleeding to death." He cuts his finger with a fang and drips his healing blood on the cut on my wrist, healing it instantly. He licks the rest of it off my arm.

"I'll just…um, go" I hear Lafayette say in the background.

I'm crying and can't stop. He doesn't know what it was like, he'll never know what it was like. He cradles me against me.

"Please stop crying, my Sookie, please stop", he whispers hotly against my ear.

"I can't, you have no…" I cough and gulp, "Idea."

"Shh, you're going to make yourself sick."

"You'll never know what it's like to be the one left behind." I'm bawling all over him, and don't care.

He tips up my chin.

"Stop, stop, you can't even breathe, Sookie, stop…."

Then he kisses me and pulls my attention away.

I don't know where my clothes went, but I was wearing them a second ago and now they're on the floor. Possibly in shreds.

He kisses down my neck, down my chest, and seizes a nipple. When he bites ever so gently and sucks, I buck off the bed.

"Sookie, I love you, let me show you, please relax", he whispers against my skin. He kisses down my stomach and spreads my legs. Kissing the inside of my thighs, his hot tongue dives between my legs and spreads the folds around my sweet spot. Then he sucks me into mouth.

"Oh God!" I yell out.

"Relax", he says, releasing me a moment and then going back to his task.

I can feel myself tingling and getting closer, and I'm still sobbing when I come hard in his mouth.

"That's my girl", he says, kissing up my body again.

"I need you inside me", I say, and yank his hips toward me.

"Apparently you do", he chuckles warmly against my ear. He's eager and pressed hard against his abdomen. I shift myself into the position he can enter me easiest.

"Ready?" he whispers hotly, "Ready for me?"

"Yes, please…." And he pushes.

I scream out. My body isn't used to his size anymore, having been celibate for two and a half years. But in moments, my body remembers. And I can't get enough.

"Sookie, I never thought I'd be with you again, I'd be inside you again", he says, "You're so warm and soft and…."

"Human?" I ask with a laugh.

"Yes, human." He drives harder against me.

"Hard", I say, "deeper, baby, I need you."

He obliges me. "Harder, harder!"

"Sookie!" He screams out, using more of his strength and being a little more reckless with me than his usual extreme care.

"Yes!", I howl as pure pleasure mixes with a bit of pain. "Come on, Eric, come on…"

"Thank you. For finding me", he whispers and explodes hard inside me.

Sometime later, I'm resting in the crook of him arm. For now, the tears have stopped.

"I didn't notice that. Genius Lafayette."

"Huh?" he asks.

"He light blocked the room. He must have done it while I was sleeping." We got blackout drapes for this room years ago, but Lafayette, knowing it was day time, was smart enough to use them.

"I need to have a conversation with Mr. Reynolds in the near future." He sounds like himself already.

"Why?" I ask.

"He saved my family. That's not an act I will soon forget. After the way I treated him, I'm frankly amazed." Eric says.

"He did it for me. I wasn't….doing very well", I say.

"What do you mean?" he asks. "I mean obviously I was dead, but it's been nearly three years."

"I don't want to talk about that", I say, "You're back, you're home, and we're together, and that's all that matters. And now you need to get some sleep."

"Do you think I could sleep now?" he asks. "I've been sleeping for weeks! I don't ever want to fall asleep again."

"It's daytime, Eric, you're going to make yourself sick, just rest your eyes. And this evening, when you wake up…there's someone you need to meet."

Eric Northman looks…nervous. "He really survived, you weren't just telling me that?"

"He really survived", I say, "Thanks to you. He's survived and thrived. He's beautiful and smart and so loving, there isn't a child with a better heart in the world."

"So he's just like you", he says, leaning over to kiss me.

"Ha! Well, we'll see how you feel about that when you see him."

"I'm anxious now", he says, "Part of me wants to meet him this instant, and part of me never wants to meet him."

"Never want to meet your son?" I'm dumbfounded.

He bites his lip. "What if he doesn't like me?"

I throw my arms around him. "Oh, Eric, he'll love you. You're his father. But I do want to warn you ahead of time, he's uncomfortable around vampires, so it might take a little bit."

"Smart boy", he says.

"Yeah, you should have seen him around Bill, he was really uncomfortable." And the instant it leaves my mouth, I want to groan with my own mistake. Why, Sookie can't you ever seem to keep your mouth shut?

Eric props himself up on his elbow. "Bill? Bill knows my son?" His voice is not pleased.

"He came over to offer his condolences", I explain. "He met E.J. then."

"I see you went with the initials after all", Eric laughs. But he sobers fast. "Did Bill offer anything else?"

"Eric, this is not the time, you need your rest…"

I know that look he has in his eyes, that growl in the back of his throat. But amazingly, he backs down, and just pulls me closer.

"Later", I say, kissing his forehead.

"You better believe later", he responds. He doesn't need it, but I wrap him up tight in a blanket and he smiles. "You always used to do that."

"And I always will. Now please, try to sleep", I say.

"No", he answers.

But despite his protesting, his body knows better than he does, and he shuts off almost like a timer. He pulls me tight against him and I stay there until he's out. Then I slowly extricate myself. Just like always, his arms snap around me tight, and I have to pull off some acrobatics just to get out of bed.

I wander down the staircase, knowing for the first time in years, that I'm no longer alone. And in the quiet privacy of my kitchen, I allow myself to weep like a child.


	22. Chapter 22: Daddy

I make sure when the sun goes down, I'm back in bed with him. As his eyelids flutter, he looks over at me and smiles.

"I wasn't sure it was real."

"I know what that's like", I answer. I can't help touching his face. He's so very beautiful.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"Good, good", he says, assessing himself. "I feel fine."

"Then I'm going to go get E.J. Jason will be testier than a rattlesnake that I left him there all day. I'll go get him and bring him right back, okay?"

"Okay", he says, rubbing his eyes, and then looking at me. With those brilliant blue eyes.

"God, you're hot", I moan, and pull him into my arms, seizing his lips.

His crafty hands are already trying to divest me of my shirt.

"Stop, stop. Or we'll never stop", I say.

He lets me up. With a glance back, I go down the stairs, and grab my keys from the counter.

When I knock on Jason's door, two very unhappy boys are on the other side.

"Sookie, do you know what time it is! E.J. has been here for 12 hours! He's hungry and tired and he needs his Momma, and I need a break!

Not twelve hours, Jason, heaven forbid you had a child in your care for twelve hours. But I don't push my luck.

"Jason, it's Eric….he's back", I say.

"What?!"

"Jason, that's what Lafayette and I have been working on, putting me back into the dream…you know, it's too complicated. Eric is back, he's alive. Or as alive as vampires can get."

"Oh God, Sook", Jason pulls me into his arms. "I'm so happy for you, I'm really happy for you. I was worried…"

"Everybody was. He's back."

He clutches me tight just in time for my sleeping son to wake up bawling. "Momma!"

Jason carries him over to me as E.J. stretches out his arms to me.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay. I have to talk to you, E.J. There's someone at the house who wants to meet you very much."

"Hunter?" he asks.

"No honey, this is someone you don't know."

He squirms.

"Come on home, sweetheart, we'll talk about it in the car…thank you Jason."

Later, I'm carrying E.J. as we walk up the front steps. I can see Eric a little bit through the kitchen window. Divested of the fur wrapped around his waist, he's back in his usual dark jeans, and a tshirt that costs more than my grocery budget for a month. I hear my floorboards creaking. Eric is pacing.

I think it's best I'm holding E.J. so he knows he's safe. "He's come a very long way just to meet you."

"Just to me me?" E.J. asks.

"Yes." I open the door.

Eric looks up with a jolt, wringing his hands.

I carry E.J. into the kitchen and into the light. Eric gasps loud. He stumbles, and nearly trips.

"Are you alright?" I ask. Stop scaring me!

"Fine", he whispers. He can't look away from E.J. "He looks like…" he starts.

"I know."

"Baby, this is the person who's come so far to meet you. E.J., this is your Daddy."

My son looks rather…horrified. He turns around and buries his face in my chest. "No, no…" he whines.

"He's scared of vampires", I remind him and Eric nods.

"E.J. why don't you say "hi"?" I suggest.

"Noooo", he whines.

"It's okay, don't force him", Eric says, but I know his heart is breaking. I know how much he wants to hold him. I can feel it.

We need an ice breaker.

"When was the last time you ate?"

E.J. at me. "Hungry."

"Did you have sloppy joes with Uncle Jason?" I ask.

"Yes."

"How long ago?"

"Morning." He says.

"Perfect, my baby hasn't eaten in twelve hours, no wonder you're cranky. I'm gonna kill your Uncle Jason. What's fast? Spaghetti is fast."

"Sketti!"

I put E.J. down, and miraculously he doesn't grab my legs or anything. He sticks close though, and I have to watch out for him underfoot. Every few minutes, he looks over at Eric, who is watching him like a hawk.

E.J. can sense the predator in Eric, just as he did in Bill. He knows something is wrong.

"Can Daddy hand you the box?" I ask, discreetly giving the pasta box to Eric so he can hand it to him.

"Not my Daddy", E.J. pronounces.

My heart is tearing for Eric. "We'll call him Eric then. Introduce yourself."

Eric comes forward, and squats down, eye to eye with E.J. "Hi, my name is Eric, what's yours?"

"Ewic", my son repeats. "Haha, that's silly."

We both laugh. "But everyone calls you E.J.", Eric supplies.

"Momma and Punkle Jason and Lafet and Miserlotte and Miss'lene and MisserTerry…" I wonder if he's going to list the whole town.

Eric hands him the box. "What do we say?" I ask E.J.

"Thank you", E.J. says, and hands it to me. He's still shaky, but starting to become more interested than scared.

I set the water to boiling and dump in the pasta.

"Can he help you set the table?" I ask E.J., but he's back to shaking his head, afraid.

"You sure? He's tall enough to get the plates without me."

E.J. looks over to confirm if this is true, and Eric takes down a pile from plates from the cabinet.

"See, you don't need Momma", I say.

Eric walks to the table and E.J. will not be left behind. Eric hands him the plates and E.J. puts them where they belong.

Eric is being so patient. He can't look away for a second.

They follow the same pattern with the silverware. Eric gets it, E.J. trails after him, Eric hands E.J. the forks and knives and spoons, and E.J. puts them where they belong. Setting the table takes more time than the pasta takes to cook. I'm heating up a jar of sauce.

I carry everything to the table, and put some on E.J.'s plate, then my own. E.J. is hungry and tears into it. When he's getting full, he looks over at Eric, then his own plate, then mine. Adorably, he pushes his plate toward Eric.

"No thank you, I don't eat spaghetti", Eric says, breathless at E.J.'s generosity.

E.J. looks at me for confirmation, like it's the strangest thing he's ever heard. "That's silly", he says again.

We were both starving and finish up fast. I'm starting the dishes because I can't tolerate a mess.

"Why don't you show Eric Taffy?" I ask.

A big smile comes over my son's face and he goes out the back door on the porch, and lets the kitty inside.

"Kitten", E.J. says, pointing to Taffy. I suppose he imagines that if Eric doesn't know what spaghetti is, he must not know much about anything else either. He pats Taffy softly on the head.

"He's a very nice kitten", Eric offers, and E.J. grins wide.

E.J. takes Taffy's little red ball out of the corner and throws it, and the curious kitten bounds after it, almost like a puppy.

Eric follows him, and they sit down on the floor together and push the ball around for a delighted Taffy to chase around.

E.J. is laughing and smiling, and has forgotten his fear for the moment, which is what I wanted. They flick the ball back and forth. E.J. erupts into that child's giggle that makes you think there really are angels and they do sing. Eric flicks it a little too far.

"Oops."

"Oops", E.J. laughs and gets up to get the ball, but Taffy grabs it and carries it away. E.J. erupts into a belly laugh.

"Let's sit on the sofa", I say, putting down the dishtowel. Eric stands up and E.J. is back to shaking and hiding behind my legs. Eric must look like a mountain to a small child.

I pick E.J. up and carry him over to the sofa. I put myself between them to make E.J. more comfortable. He hides on my side and sticks his head into the arm of the sofa.

"I need to talk to Pam", Eric says.

I have no desire to talk to her or see her ever again. That's a conversation I'm not starting. It will come up sooner rather than later.

"I'm sure she senses me. I don't know why she hasn't come", he says.

I take Eric's hand. Oh boy, sigh, is that nice.

He rubs my hand with his thumb, then raises my hand to his lips, then puts it down on his thigh.

E.J. is staring. If looks could kill.

"I think he's upset with me right now", Eric says with a chuckle.

"He doesn't know why you're touching me. Or taking my attention away."

"Momma, no", E.J. objects.

"It's okay, baby" I tell him, but he's not havin it.

"Momma, no, cold!"

"He knows something is off, Eric, it was the same with….Bill. Bill was cold, and you're cold. He thinks you're dangerous."

"Smart as a whip", Eric says.

"He's not cold, honey, he's just not warm like we are", I try to explain.

He shouts at Eric. "Bad!"

"No, honey…" I sigh, as my son scoots as far away from Eric as possible. I'm just hoping he doesn't start crying. I would have to break this up for now, and try again tomorrow, and I know Eric's heart would break too.

"It's okay, he doesn't trust me, and he's very protective of you. I'm proud of him", Eric says, smiling at E.J., who looks like he'd like to punch his father.

"Don't mess with a Viking whatever his size", I laugh.

"Momma", my son says, and leans against my chest, yawning. He falls asleep, but seems to sleep with one eye open. Every time Eric moves, he looks.

"He's your twin", I tell Eric, but I know he saw it immediately.

"I understand why you wanted to stay in your own home, but your life would have been much easier if you'd just moved into my condo. There are dozens of people there who would be happy to help you." It wasn't an option of course, thanks to his precious progeny, but I still would have stayed here. This is my home. We've lived here since we got married, but he also knows that Bill is just across the cemetery.

"I suppose I'm glad you had someone so close." Alluding to Bill already.

"We didn't need him. I can take care of myself", I remind him, squeezing his hand.

"I know you can, but you shouldn't have to."

"Momma." E.J. snuggles down closer. He wants to go to bed. Eric's puts a big hand flat on the sofa, and E.J. opens his eyes to stare.

"He's good, baby, even though sometimes it's in question, deep down, he's good." Eric raises an eyebrow at me.

E.J. crawls over to him and puts his hand on top of Eric's. It's a legendary moment for all of us, and both Eric and I are choking back tears. Red rims Eric's eyes.

E.J. jumps when it sees it, but then stands up on the sofa and watches a long moment.

"Don't cry, Ewic", he says, reaching out.

"Can you say "don't cry, Daddy?" I ask.

"Don't cry, Daddy."

Eric lifts up his hand, and E.J. pushes his against Eric's so they're palm-to-palm.

E.J. climbs onto his lap, and rests his head against Eric's chest.

Red rivers are rolling down Eric's cheeks, but I can tell he's trying not to scare E.J.

And just like that, everything is okay.

"Can Daddy put you to bed?" I ask.

He's out like a light. Eric picks him up and stands, draping his sleeping son over his shoulder.

He's tentative. "Go ahead", I say. Eric rocks him and rubs cheek against E.J's.

"His heart beats so fast, like a bird", Eric says in wonder, "he's so warm." He kisses E.J.'s temple and strokes his soft hair.

It's love at first sight. "I love him, Sookie", Eric says. His hands are full and he can't blink back the bloody tears on his face. I had become so accustomed to a warm husband with clear tears.

I join them and cuddle them both to me. Eric lets out a sobbing noise, and then swallows hard. I stroke his back. "It's okay, baby, it's okay. He's yours forever."

Eric inhales his scent and presses his lips to E.J.'s hair. "Where does he sleep?"

"In my room. I moved into Gran's big room after…I couldn't be in my old bedroom again."

He carries E.J. up the stairs. I flip on the light. My clean-aholic tendencies couldn't be indulged as much as they used to be, there simply wasn't time. The room is definitely lived in. I didn't even make the bed. Eric sniffs. I know my scent must be really concentrated in here. "Yum", he says. Good Lord.

E.J.'s big boy crib is against the wall. Eric carries E.J. over and lays him down. I pick up E.J.'s ultra soft stuffed bunny off the floor and lay it down next to him. E.J's arms snap around it like Eric's do around me, and he clutches Bunny tight.

"He's so beautiful, Sookie, so perfect, you've done such a great job." He pulls me into his arms.

It means everything to me that he thinks so. I reach up on my tip toes to kiss him. "You're asleep on your feet", Eric says, and strips off my clothes piece by piece. He gets in bed and opens his arms. I jump into them.

"You slept all day", I say.

"You think I'm leaving you alone?", he asks "I'm never letting you out of my sight." I'm sleeping in Eric's arms. I really am. "Mmmmm", I nuzzle down into his chest and inhale his smell.

But I toss and turn. My mind won't shut off. What if I wake up and he's gone? What if it all was a dream?

"Let it go", he says, kissing me, "I've got you. You'll never be alone again."

I drift off.

I wake up, and I don't know how long it is later, I'm guessing around two in the morning. Eric has his Kindle in one hand, reading, and I'm tucked in his other arm, my head on his shoulder. His arm runs down my side and he has a big hand on my hip. He must have gotten up and gotten reading material. And that's not all he got up and got. E.J. is sound asleep on his father's chest. Eric might sense I'm awake I don't know, but I close my eyes and drift off again.


	23. Chapter 23: Waking Up

"Oh shit!" I howl, jumping out of bed at 11:00. I haven't slept like that in a long time. But I'm due at work in 15 minutes, and I didn't call Sam yesterday. He's gonna be madder than a one-eared alley cat.

I'm amazed E.J. didn't wake me up, but he's still sawing logs in his crib. This is what happens when you keep a small child up all night. I grab my black shorts and tshirt and run into the bathroom. Emerging five minutes later, I get E.J. up. He likes to put on his own shirts, so it takes a frustrating minute. On the bed, there's a note.

I put E.J. down and walk over and grab it off Eric's pillow. I don't like notes anymore.

_I'm in the cubby. I'll wake up as early as I can. I can't wait to see you and E.J. again. If I could have stayed up all day, I would have. I love you so much. See you this evening._

_Eric_

Now that's my kind of note. I carry E.J. down the stairs.

He stops cold. "Daddy?"

It seems like a dream to me too. "Daddy sleeps during the day, but he'll be up when we get home."

"That's silly." We're all silly I guess.

"Where's Daddy?"

I point to the armoire.

E.J. immediately starts banging on it.

"No! No, baby, Daddy gets very sick if he doesn't sleep during the day."

He gives me a look like I must be lying, and starts to whine. At least he wants to see Eric, that's good news.

I run into the kitchen, grab some snacks for him, and we're out the door.

I ring Arlene and Terry's door. "Sam's gonna kill you", Arlene announces, opening the door, and taking E.J. from me. "Maybe not, he always let you get away with murder."

Terry takes E.J. from her. "Bad night", he whispers, "Hormones, I think she may be pregnant again, honestly."

"Oh my God, another one?" I frown.

Terry's eyes glaze over. "You'd best get to work, Sookie."

I'm about to say I'm sorry when he closes the door.

That was unchristian of me, and downright ugly. It was born from pure jealousy. I'll never be pregnant again. I'll never give Eric another baby. I need to stop whining, I have a beautiful child, and a husband returned from the dead. My life is perfect.

"Nice of you to come to work", Sam yells when I come through the door.

"I'm sorry, Sam, I have a really good excuse."

"And what's your excuse for not coming in, and not calling yesterday?"

"Eric is back."

Dead silence.

"Cher, he's dead", Sam says, in that voice everyone has used around me for years. That "don't shock her, she could go off her rocker" tone.

"He is, Sam, Lafayette put me back in the dream, and I saved him. That's what we've been working on all this time! Didn't he tell you?" I ask.

"Lafayette will be in tonight at 9. And I fully intend on askin him. And if he gives me the answer I expect, you're getting help, Sook. I'll pay for it myself."

"You can't make me mad today, Sam Merlotte. Nothing can."

I put on my apron fast, and run out to take an order.

Holly motions me over. "I did your side work for you, Sookie."

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you", I tell her.

"Tell me what you're talking about", she whispers, "Did you and Lafayette really…raise the dead?"

"Yes", I say, beaming, "Eric is just fine."

She mouths "wow." I get to work. I have something to look forward to, for the first time in years.

I make it up to Holly by doing her sidework for her, so I'm a little late leaving. I'm out the door by 6:30, which Sam knows used to be the schedule I kept him to.

He frowns and throws his dishtowel on the bar as I head out the door.

I drive too fast over to Arlene and Terry's. I can't wait to get home.

Terry opens the door, looking concerned. He hands me a bawling E.J. "I'm sorry, Sookie, he's been talking about his Daddy, that his Daddy is home. I didn't know what to do. I don't want to indulge his fantasies, Sookie, I did it with the men I lost in battle for years. I just tried to nicely explain his Daddy died and isn't coming back. I wondered if everything is okay over there…"

"Oh Terry, you didn't! Eric is back! You'll see him later, I promise." I grab E.J. from his arms.

"Sookie!" Terry shouts as I run from his doorstep to my car. I can't wait to get home.

"I promise, baby, your Daddy is okay. We'll see him in a minute", I whisper against his hair, but he's not havin it and is sobbing. I tuck him into his seat. "Momma is making you a promise. A promise that Daddy is home waiting for us." He nods, but I can tell he's not sure if he believes me.

Filled with joy and expectation, I walk up the stairs, unlock the door, and carry E.J. inside.

"Eric, you up?" It's full dark outside, he should be.

He's in the kitchen, pacing. He looks up with a combination of anger and relief.

"Where have you been?" he growls.

E.J. isn't sure he likes his tone, and buries his face in my shoulder. I'm not sure I like it either.

"Picking up E.J. What's wrong?"

"I expected to wake up and find you and E.J. here. I was worried sick, do you understand that!"

"I'm sorry", I say. "We're here now. Have you been up long?"

"Half an hour", he says, "Thirty terrified minutes."

"Baby, I'm sorry…" I move toward him, but he won't let me touch him.

"You didn't even leave a note!" Eric yells. "I have enemies, Sookie. Enemies who aren't going to be happy to find out I'm back. I don't even know who the new sheriff of area 5 is. If I lost you…"

"You're not going to lose us. I'm sorry, E.J. was at Terry and Arlene's."

"What's he doing at Terry and Arlene's?"

"I was at work of course! Sometimes they watch him, sometimes Jason…"

"You should not be working. We're talking about this, and soon."

I'm about to shout, but E.J. buries his head in my chest and wails.

"It's okay, baby, look, Daddy is awake, and he's just fine, see?"

"Why would he think I wasn't fine?"

Shit. "Because…Terry told him you were dead."

He growls, "Something is going on here and I want to know what, we're going to talk about this."

"Dammit…"

"Shhhh, later." Eric walks over to me and takes us both in his arms. He kisses my cheek. "I love you. We'll talk about it later."

"I love you too." God, I ached to say that for so long.

He kisses my forehead, then my lips. "Sookie…" He pulls me into a deeper kiss, then steps back and holds out his arms for E.J.

E.J. thinks about it a second, and then reaches for Eric.

Eric takes him, tucks his son under his chin, and sways him back and forth, kissing the top of his head, and inhaling.

"Our son smells delectable", he says.

"Eric!"

"He does. I meant to mention it last night. He smells like baby, which is yummy by itself, but then…"

"Don't say it, please don't say it", I beg.

"I can't say for certain", he says. "All I know is he smells like every dessert a vampire could ever want rolled into one."

"Oh my God."

"It's true." He goes back to sniffing the top of E.J.'s head, then takes his little hand, and plants a kiss on it.

"It can't be." I say, "If he was like me, I'd know. He's old enough that we could communicate with thoughts by now, and I've never heard a peep."

"I don't know what it is. I don't recognize it." Eric continues to sway him back and forth, cuddling him. "l will protect you and your Momma with my life. You're everything that ever mattered or ever will."

"Everytin?"

"Everything. I love you, buddy."

"Loves you", E.J. answers.

"You wanna play with Taffy?"

E.J. squirms to get down, and I open the back porch door and let the kitty in.

E.J. runs after him.

"That accent", Eric wrinkles up his nose in disgust. "My son sounds like redneck."

"No joking, Eric, do you think he's in danger? If someone…smelled him?"

"I don't know", he says. "If the wrong person came across him, yes, he might be. But there's no reason to believe anyone will."

"Do you know why he smells that way?"

"I don't", he says, pulling me into his arms. "For now, he's only around humans. Unless Bill is a more regular visitor than I think?" he quips.

"Dammit! No!"

"Just asking." With a wink, he follows E.J. into the living room. "I want you both to stick close until I know what's happening."

E.J. chases Taffy through the living room, I hear a ball thrown against the wall, Eric's rare laughter, and then E.J. runs back into the kitchen. "Can we not break things please?" I ask.

"Daddy say I smell de-wi-cious", he informs me.

"What the f…Eriiiccc!"

Eric comes into the kitchen, smoothing his hair back, and just looking at me.

"Yes?"

"Did you tell our son he smells delicious?"

Holding a straight face isn't working, so he throws back his head and laughs.

This is not happening. I am not discussing how my son would taste with my vampire husband.

"I did", Eric says, "And I'm the luckiest man in the world. I get to protect the two most delicious people in the world." He pulls me into a kiss. "I wouldn't mind a sip of his Momma."

"Eric, you are so awful."

"I can't change everything about myself in a day." Eric is, well, what my Gran would call a stinker.

I stick my tongue out at him.

"Come here, the two of you."

We go into the living room and E.J. howls with laughter as Eric tosses him in the air. He sits down, cuddling E.J. and holds out his hand to me. He pulls me onto his lap.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" Eric asks.

"Luvs you", E.J. says.

"Can I have a kiss?" Eric asks.

E.J. leans in "mmwauh."

"And one from you, madam, if you don't mind."

I give him a chaste peck like E.J. did.

"Grrr, later", Eric swears.

I'm relaxed and snuggling, when I see Eric holding onto E.J's shirt with an iron fist.

"You're more worried about this than you're saying."

"No, don't jump at shadows, Sookie", he answers.

"Can you protect him?"

"If I can't, no one can", he says.

I'm about to say how little that reassures me, but I know it's the simple truth.

"What do you want to do before bed time?" I ask E.J.

"Ice Cweam!"

"Ice cream. I'll go…"

"No, no, I got him", Eric says. A thousand years has turned Eric from a playboy Viking prince with no moral center, to the perfect husband, to the perfect father.

A part of my son still doesn't trust Eric, and is skittish. It will take a while. But he'll look in Eric's eyes, the same brilliant blue, and just stare. Stare and stare. Like there's something there that he can't look away from. I would swear some part of him knows, understands on a level beyond the language capabilities of his age.

Eric picks him up and carries him into the kitchen. Eric cuddles E.J. against him, completely entranced, a sanguine smile on his face as he presses a cool cheek against his warm child.

E.J. looks his father right in the eyes….and sneezes. Then he rubs his nose on Eric's Diesel t-shirt, the gray one with a black graphic print he had on the day he tried to intimidate me into letting him in when Russell's wolves were stalking me. I remember it quite well. Nothing makes me happier than a $300 t-shirt with snot on it.

"Ba ha!" I laugh. I get up to get a Kleenex. "Sorry. What do we say, we say, we need a Kleenex right? We don't wipe our noses on shirts?"

"Need keenix, Momma", E.J.

"Late, but you got it right." I can only imagine the look on Old Eric's face if a kid, a "teacup human", sneezed on him. Instead, he takes the tissue from me, holds it to E.J.'s nose and says, "blow", which E.J. does. He doesn't even seem to mind the wet tissue, throwing it away, and getting another. "One more time." E.J. blows his nose again.

"He's not getting sick is he? Does he get sick? He's healthy isn't he? Sookie answer me!" He's a bit frantic.

"Eric, for goodness sakes, calm down. He's very healthy. Even if he got a cold, it's not the Dark Ages,he'll be fine. But I suspect it's the freezer irritating his nose", I say, get the ice cream and close the freezer door.

"Oh."

"It's okay. I did the same thing at first. He's fine."

"Stwabewwy", E.J. says, reaching for the ice cream.

"Now that he got from me", I say, grinning, putting it down on the counter, and getting out two bowls. "Strawberry for two."

"Daddy?"

Eric pulls him close. "Daddy doesn't eat ice cream", he says. "I'll explain it when you're older."

I scoop two bowls of ice cream, and Eric snuggles us both on the sofa. This is heaven. Things like this don't happen to me.

E.J. insists on trying to eat it by himself, and of course, winds up wearing half of it.

Eric tries to help. "No, Daddy."

"Did you get any in your belly?" Eric asks, poking E.J. in the belly.

E.J. erupts in laughter. "You're funny, Daddy."

Eric turns to me. "Wow, I'm funny now. I've never been funny before."

"Oh you've been funny, you just didn't know it."

"Oh really?" he asks, and starts tickling me mercilessly. I'm so happy. Please, please…let it be.

E.J. teeters, then crawls onto Eric's lap and curls up.

"Someone is sleepy", I say.

"Nooo", E.J. whines. He doesn't want to miss anything.

Eric picks him up in strong arms like my son weighs as much as a dollar bill. "Just rest your eyes", Eric says, carrying him up the stairs.

"Nooo. Momma!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I kiss him mid-stair. I follow them up.

"Ducks or clouds?" I ask.

"Ducks", E.J. says, a little tear rolling down his cheek. He wipes it away himself.

"Oh my sweet baby, don't cry please, you're not going to be alone, Momma and Daddy are going to bed soon."

Eric looks perplexed, then makes an "ohh" motion with his mouth, as I pull out little flannel pajamas with ducks on them.

I dress him quickly, hand him Bunny, and stand over the crib, stroking his arm. "No, Momma", he insists, but seconds later, his eyes droop.

"He loves you, Sookie, he…worships you. I feel how much he loves you pouring off him. It's beautiful", Eric says.

I put my arm around him.

"I also get a sense of loneliness", Eric adds, concerned, "Desperation for you, like he misses you terribly."

"Eric, Eric!" I grab his arm and shake him.

"What? What's wrong with you?"

"Just like I said, I haven't heard a peep. I can't read his mind. I can't read his mind! I never tried, it didn't occur to me until right now. I can't read his mind! What the hell does this mean?"

"I don't know. Can fae read the minds of their offspring?"

"I don't know! I can't imagine why not." I sigh. "Please Jesus, watch over my baby." I'm trying not to cry.

"His earthly father is more dangerous", Eric says pulling me into his arms. True. "I swear on my life, nothing will happen to him."

"Eric." I cuddle closer and try to disappear in his arms.

He takes a deep breath. "There's something I haven't addressed since yesterday", he says.

I look up. "I'm starving." His fangs snap out. "And it's not ice cream I want."


	24. Chapter 24: Trouble

**You're all chomping at the bit for a showdown with Pam. And I want to assure you, it's coming, and after a huge fight with Sookie, Eric will have even more reason to be angry. Other forces are at work, and starting to turn up. **

I whoop although I'm trying to stay quiet.

"Not in front of E.J., not in front of E.J.!" I plead. Eric flips me over his shoulder and carries me back to my old bedroom.

"Eric…" I'm trying not to betray that I'm more excited than a puppy with a new treat.

"Tell me you're mine."

"I'm yours, baby, all yours", I moan.

He flips me over, and boosts me up in the air, and I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Say it again."

"Yours."

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do", I assure him.

"Say it please."

"I love you. So, so much."

"I love you, Sookie."

"The bed", I croak.

He nods, and carries me to the bed.

I try to pull my top over my head, but he's kissing me and it's not working very well. "Get it off, Sookie, if you don't want it torn, get it off."

"Eric, you're…"

"Happy, very, very happy", he moans, licking my earlobe.

"I'm so happy too, baby", I whisper.

"Come for me, min kärlek…"

I stop.

"You thought I didn't remember. I remember every second…."

I take off my shirt and shimmy out of my black shorts as fast as I can. He yanks down my panties, shredding them. Oh well.

He inserts one finger, then two, and works my nub with a talented thumb.

"Oh God!" I scream out, as he rubs all the right places.

"Come for me, min kärlek, come for me", he moans.

My body jerks in absolute satisfaction, clenching around his very talented fingers.

"Vacker." Beautiful.

I pull him into a deep kiss. I roll my head to the side, and expose my jugular.

He knows how much I love it, how I come instantly at the first pull of his incredible sucking. I looooove to feed him.

He grins. Then kisses my neck, exhales warm breath near my ear and it tickles. He nuzzles my neck with his lips and then slightly grazes the skin with his teeth. And bites. Owww, okay, not used to that anymore, it hurts. But the pain ebbs as he sucks, and I rediscover the connection between his mouth and my orgasm.

"That's it, baby, feed…" I moan, holding his mouth to my neck, and running my fingers through his hair. His whole body changes when he feeds, he wraps himself around me, moaning in pleasure. He nurses on my neck and moans "mmmm,yummm." His hips buck into mine. Desire has come over him so fast, I'm afraid he may cum in his jeans. He whines a bit, trying to get them down. It's so adorable.

He used to keep sexual partners and feeding separate, but together, we always combined the two. He likes to have sex when he feeds, but right now it's not a "like", it's a necessity. It is for me too, I need him inside me as his famous control slips away.

He comes up for air and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "You taste so good, min kärlek." He cuts his finger and drips blood on the wounds on my neck and they heal.

"I know you're not full, but are you as satisfied as you can safely be?"

"I am", he answers.

He'll need a TruBlood in a bit.

We yank off his jeans, and I lean back on the bed, bringing him down on top of me.

I bite his shoulder not to cry out as he sinks inside me to the hilt. He's pumping hard, his hips bucking up to meet mine. "I need…" he whines.

"I know what you need, baby. F*ck me."

"Chrriiiiist!" he screams. "I love you, Sookie."

He comes hard, then he moves again, and then comes again instantly. And if I didn't know better, I'd swear he was warm.

"You make me crazy, you make me crazy", he growls.

"I missed you so much. You'll never know", I say, kissing his chest.

"You have two men in your life who worship you", he whispers against my ear.

"The two best looking blondes around. I'm the luckiest woman in the world."

He rolls on his side, and plays with my breasts, kissing my shoulder. "I'm new to this, Sookie, I stepped into a life you and E.J. have been living for almost 3 years. I don't know what's going on."

I kiss his cool forehead. "I don't want you to be concerned, you have enough worries right now."

"Should I be worried?" he asks.

"No, no, of course not."

"Please don't keep anything from me."

"I'm not."

He sits up, then picks me up, and carries me back to our bedroom.

He lays me down, and pulls the covers up to my chin. Mmmm. He kisses me gently.

I wake up the next morning to find another note.

_I went to Fangtasia after you fell asleep. I have no idea what's going on. I went to speak to Pam, but she was nowhere to be found. Tara was there, and she told me Pam is the acting sheriff, and has remained in control of Fangtasia, my title, and all other properties, but wouldn't reveal anymore about her maker than that, and would not tell me where she was. I admire her loyalty, and I would have had to harm her to get more information, and I was not going to do that. When was the last time you spoke to Pam? I feel like I'm being lied to._

Oh no. I know telling him about Pam leaving me and E.J. high and dry is going to break his heart. Truthfully, I was not only pissed at that evil bitch, but I was pissed at him too. The oversight not to change his will after he got married had cost us dearly.

I get E.J. up and dressed quickly. I need to be at work by the lunch crowd, and again I'm half out of it. That's what a night with Eric is like.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get through a day at work without wanting to run out the door. I make sure we're home by 6:30, hopefully Eric will just be waking up.

That evening, I walk in with E.J. and Eric is right on the other side of the door.

I gasp. "Eric, you scared me!"

"I guess I didn't make myself clear. You are to stay in this house, do you understand me? My wife smells like a fairy, my son smells like a delicacy, and you're running around out there unprotected."

"Eric, take it easy, we're fine. I was just working."

"That's my next point. I know you're independent Sookie, but he's so young, this is crazy. Why is my son being raised by everyone in this town except his mother?"

"What the f*ck?!"

"E.J.!" he points out, as if I'm not aware I'm holding my son, as if I didn't know he existed.

I put him down.

"Who was watching him this time?"

"Jason, why?"

"I can feel his loneliness, Sookie, he needs his mother!"

I can't quite fucking believe this. My vampire husband is standing there, with his arms crossed, lecturing me on being a good mother.

"Eric, I spend every possible moment with him that I can, but I can't spend literally every moment with him. I have to work, and it's not healthy for either of us. He's bound to feel a little separation anxiety, it's part of growing up!" I yell.

"He should not be separated from you at this age. Frankly, I'm shocked at you, Sookie. After I died for you both, you didn't think you owed me a well-raised child?"

"Are you saying I'm not taking proper care of him?" My hair is on fire.

"Momma, no", E.J. objects as he sees me getting more and more upset.

In my mind, I can remember that day Eric was arguing with his father. What did he say? _Go feed my son, woman_?

I walk away, open the door back patio door for E.J., who scurries out to find Taffy, then I come back.

"I may be old fashioned…" he booms.

"A thousand years old fashioned!"

"You knew who I was when you married me! When I died for you, I said it was my job, and I said taking care of our child was your job. Did you miss that part?"

Boy you really had to hand it to Eric. No one could make me go from zero to homicidal quite so fast.

I want to scream, but a torrent of angry, rage-filled tears is coming, and it's directed toward him. When he had passed away, I didn't allow myself to get as angry at him as actually I am. No matter how hard he tried, he could never understand how the charges he's leveling against me feel, as a mother. And he'll never know what we've gone through.

"Don't you dare preach to me, Eric Northman, you just got here, and I've been doing this job for nearly 3 years! Don't you think I would be here most of the time if I had the choice?" I ask, "I'm so happy for you!" I sob, motioning to his expensive clothes. "I'm so happy for you that you get to live like that, but that's not your child's reality! You never notice anything about anybody else because you're so f*cking selfish! Check the refrigerator and see how little we have. Your son's clothes are too big because they're hand-me-downs from Mikey. We're barely surviving! I work myself to the bone to keep us afloat!"

E.J. screams and howls from out on the porch. He can hear how upset I am.

Eric sets his jaw and growls. "Explain."

I want to hit him, I want to hit him so hard, he left us to fend for ourselves, and he's angry with me.

"Explain now!" he shouts. "Why are you and E.J. doing without? I left you a very wealthy widow, Mrs. Northman."

"Ask yourself and your bitch of a progeny! How could you do this?! How could you not change your will after we got married?"

I can't talk anymore, I'm hoarse from screaming.

Light slowly dawns in his eyes. "I didn't change my will. But that wouldn't any change anything, Pam is rich in her own right, and she'd take care of you and E.J.."

For the first time in minutes, I register my child, falling to pieces, sobbing, crying, gasping, on the other side of the screen door. He's going to have a heart attack.

I open the door and scoop him up in my arms.

"You made Pam your beneficiary before you went off to fight Russell, and never changed it. After you died, Pam inherited everything. I went begging to her for money to help E.J. She said no and turned us away. I've been trying to survive as a single mother without help ever since", I tell him calmly. There. Full disclosure.

His mouth hangs open and his eyelids flutter, the same way he always looks when he's shocked.

"I don't believe it."

"Are you saying I'm lying!?" I put E.J. down so I'm not screaming at him.

"No. But I've known Pam a century…I….I don't know what to think right now."

"You don't know what to think?" I mock.

E.J. tries to put himself between us. "No, Momma, no!"

This reaction is too strong to make sense. "Eric, what the f*ck is going through your mind right now? What is this really about?"

He picks up an envelope and sticks it in my face.

"What is that?" I ask, taking it from him, none too gently.

I open the envelope, and inside is a note and a $50 bill. _"It's not much, but I wanted to help for the upcoming holidays. Please keep it for E.J. Hope to see you soon, Bill."_

"I want to know what Bill has to do with all this, why my son knows who he is. What the hell is going on around here?! Why is he giving you money? This stops right now", he continues, "I'm not dead, my will doesn't apply. From now on, you're here every day, where you belong! You raise my son, you sleep in my bed! You're my woman!"

"Daddy, no!" E.J. wails.

"You possessive chauvinist asshole! I'm not a thing! I love my son, but I'm not locking myself in this house!" I shout.

"You're not a thing, you're my WIFE! It's too late to change your mind, Sookie, not this time."

"What on earth would make you think I want to change my mind?"

"Bill is sniffing around you again. You and MY son. You've never changed your mind, right? You've never said "I love you" and walked away? You've never left me. For him. You never lied to me. I'm paranoid, right?"

If I weren't quite so angry, I would pull him into my arms. The desire is instinctual. He's still so insecure. Eric Northman can do anything, and he has not only confidence, but arrogance, on every subject in the world – except emotions. He doesn't like feelings. And he has a point, I've hurt him many times.

I sometimes also forget how dangerous he is, and right now he's completely out of control and trying to argue with him would be like trying to argue with a raging lion.

Then he becomes terrifyingly calm. "I don't want a stray vampire coming across either of you, and it's no longer safe here. What I neglected to tell you is that I found Bill's little donation to your welfare on the kitchen table. He got in. Anyone can. You're moving into my condo in Shreveport. Pack. Chow will pick you up in an hour."

That was over the top. Is he insane?!

"Who the f*ck do you think you are?! Orderin me around? I live here, I work here, my life is here. If you want to go, go", I scream, sucking in breaths, trying to stay on my feet.

"I'm your husband, Sookie, and E.J. is my son, and you will obey me."

"We did just fine all this time without YOU!"

"Then why did you go back for me?" he asks.

"Because I'm a masochist! Because, for some reason I don't understand, I love you."

"You say that a lot."

Right now I can't think about anything except how to hurt him, and I want to hurt him as badly as he's hurt me.

"Admit it, Eric. This is nothing but jealous rage because you know Bill could have taken better care of us than you did."

Oh shit. I didn't mean that. I could feel his anger, rage, this entire time, but now…desolation.

He heads out the front door.

"Where are you going?" I hiss.

"To find my daughter."

He slams the door behind him.


	25. Chapter 25: Shreveport

This is the worst possible scenario. Screaming and sobbing and falling apart in front of my child. Unfortunately my son has already encountered me falling apart on several occasions.

Right now, he's on my lap, gulping water from a sippy cup. His face is bright red and hot, and he's been crying as much as I have.

"So bad, Momma", he says again, for about the third time. It tears me apart to see my toddler worry. I pat his back to calm him down.

"I don't want to you to worry about anything, baby, it's okay, your Daddy isn't gone forever." He winces.

The worst causality from all this could be a set back, if not destruction, of E.J.'s relationship with his father.

"Daddy is bad", he murmurs, staring at the wall.

"No, no, no! Your Daddy is not bad. Your Daddy loves you more than his own life. He will always love you. Momma is making you a promise that this will be okay."

It's always been the two of us against the world, so he's okay, but I can feel the strength of his disappointment.

A loud rap on the door.

"Dammit, whoever it is, get the hell away!" I yell.

E.J. erupts into tears again.

I put him down and yank open the door.

Bill.

"Bill Compton! Why did you leave that note? You've never left me a note before, never left me money…."

"Only because you wouldn't accept it. Hello, by the way", he says sarcastically.

"Don't test my temper right now. Why did you, all of a sudden, leave me a note?"

Bill waves at E.J. who runs into the kitchen.

Bill is smirking at me.

"You knew", I answer myself, in disbelief, "You knew it, you felt that he's back. You set this whole thing up so he would find it. Why would you do that? You know how he is!"

"Violent?"

"I was going to say – insecure", I growl.

"The big, bad, arrogant Eric Northman…"

"Is very unsure of himself emotionally and you know it. He's lost everyone he's ever loved, his family was brutally murdered in front of his eyes. Twice! I've left him and hurt him and changed my mind…half the posturing he did with you was only fear of loss."

Oh God….how did this happen? How did my opening my front door coming home from work become my husband storming out?

"Sounds like something you need to take up with his therapist. I never said I'd play fair, Sookie. The only reason you're together is that damn bond. That's the reason you think you love him, the reason you married him, the reason you thought you didn't want any baby but his, the reason you would have died to get him back…the entire thing is a silly blood bond. I needed you to see how little you can really trust him. He was violent. He walked out on you. I never would, Sookie, I never would. The whole thing is in your head, Sookie, wake up!"

"Get out of my house!" I scream.

"You'll change your mind", Bill says, turning around to leave. I slam the door in his face, and lock it behind him.

E.J. runs over crying, and I pick him up and cuddle him close.

"I know, baby, this night is going from bad to worse…"

Another knock.

"Bill, go home!"

"I'm not Bill."

"Whoever you are, come through that door, and I'll f*ckin stake you myself!"

To my terror, a key turns in the lock, and the door opens. "I really wish you wouldn't", Chow says, with a greasy smile. "Ready?"

He holds up his hand and inhales. "WHAT is THAT? You always smelled like good eatin', but….what is that?" He steps closer to us and inhales again. Adrenaline from fear floods through my body.

It occurs to me then that if he decided to drain me and E.J., there wouldn't be a damn thing I could do about it.

Sniff, sniff. His beady dark eyes focus on E.J. Chow leans forward.

E.J. buries his face in my neck. "Bad, Momma."

"I know, honey", I say. "Get away from my child, or I promise you, I will stake you right here and now."

"What is he?" he asks.

"Just a human child. ERIC's child. If you touch him…"

He leans back, clearly disappointed. "I'm aware of that. Boss's orders are to take you and the kid to Shreveport."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I was told to bring you and the boy with me, and if you wouldn't come, I was to take you along by any means necessary." He smiles. I could swear he was about to crack his knuckles. He would enjoy this.

He smiles wider at the tears on my cheeks.

"Give me a couple of minutes."

"I was told you'd be ready."

"F*ck off, Chow." He throws his head back and laughs.

"Fifteen minutes, Miss Stackhouse. I mean Mrs. Northman." He winks. "I'll watch the boy if you want to go get things together."

I clutch my baby like the hounds of hell just tried to grab him from me. He laughs as I run up the stairs, clutching E.J.

I put E.J. on the bed, and tear through drawers and my closet. I get together some clothes, clean underwear, and toss it into a big bag. Then jeans and shorts and shirts and p.j's and underwear and diapers for E.J. He's under so much stress, I can't even think about continuing potty training right now.

I add toothbrush, paste, a brush, and a few odds and ends to a cosmetic bag in my purse.

"Tick, tock, Mrs. Northman", Chow shouts from downstairs.

I throw the bag over my shoulder, throw my purse over the other shoulder, I pick up E.J., hand him Bunny, and we're off down the stairs.

"Let me put some juice in his cup and grab him a cookie", I say, heading for the kitchen, but he stops me.

"We're going to Shreveport, not North Africa, it's less than a half hour drive. We have juice and cookies there too. And we've wasted enough time." He motions me to walk ahead of him out the door.

I refuse to show fear, but it's hard to not be afraid of Chow, hard not to wonder what he'd do if he didn't know Eric would stake him slowly if a hair on E.J.'s head was mussed.

I turn around to lock the door. He tries to grab the key, but I kick him. He laughs. I lock my damn door thank you very much.

With no grace, he holds his hand out, and I let him take the heavy bag. He opens the back door to the black limo, and we climb inside.

"Uncanny. Looks just like him", Chow muses, then slams us in.

I expect E.J. to be scared of the big black monstrosity, but he's not. He just looks around. He breathes in and out a couple of times, like he's sniffing the air. "Daddy."

"Daddy", I confirm.

The limo pulls up slowly outside Eric's massive condo. He owns the building, and the penthouse is for his own use.

Several people in neat little uniforms come out and get the door. I've never been here, but I heard about it. More often than not, Eric would just sleep in a coffin at Fangtasia until we were together.

"Mrs. Northman…we're so excited to finally meet you."

Some guy takes my bag. I insist on keeping my purse and my son.

They show me to a big shiny gold elevator. "Mr. Northman thought you might be tired. This elevator goes exclusively to the top floor."

A very smiley young woman is riding up with us. The doors bing open and she shows us to the right and into the front door.

It's very Eric, meaning it's not very me. It's sleekly modern, lots of hard angles. A polished leather sofa, ebony black, two chairs, one black, one red. The wall is entirely open glass.

There's a spacious kitchen with all stainless steel appliances. Why he'd need that I can't imagine.

A big room further to the back has more sofas and a huge television. A smaller room looks like a work station at NASA. That must be Eric's study when he's here. And way in the back is a big bedroom.

There are no windows in the dark wood-paneled walls. That was convenient. The bed is polished hardwood covered in a black silk comforter. "The bathroom is just there", she motions to a small room off this one.

"Mr. Northman thought E.J. might like to sleep here…" she motions to a large crib. You had to hand it to Eric. It had been what? Less than 2 hours? Someone else surely purchased it, but it's the same color scheme – sleek, shiny, black, and expensive. I miss my cozy farmhouse, rose prints, and quilts already.

I desperately wanted to ask her where Mr. Northman is. But it would give her power to realize I had no idea where my husband is, and let her know we're having problems. So I just nod my head. This is the way I think these days.

"If you need anything, dial zero one one on the phone. Is there anything I can get you now?"

"Do you have some juice? Grape or apple?"

"I'm sorry we don't", she says, "but we'll see to getting some right away. Anything else?"

I shake my head numbly. "Very well, goodnight, Mrs. Northman."

The bedroom door closes behind her.

One thing is certain. My son and I are not guests. We're prisoners.

E.J. fusses for a long time, but finally falls asleep from exhaustion in his big scary crib. I realize I forgot a night gown, so I sleep in his black silk sheets naked. Might as well enjoy them. I wonder how many other women have slept here too.

Sleep comes even slower to me than it did to E.J. A strange bed, a strange house, strange people. I will myself to sleep with the knowledge that no matter what happens, Eric is always watching over us in some way. He always protected me, even if it was from himself.

I wake up, dazed, midmorning. E.J. is awake and standing up in his crib, looking around. He sees me sit up.

"Momma." He lifts up his arms to be picked up. I get up and throw on a big thick robe I found behind the bathroom door last night, and pick him up.

There's a note on the bedside table.

"_Mrs. Northman, we have both apple and grape juice as you requested last night. Mr. Northman asks that you tell us what you would like for breakfast and lunch, and anything else you require. We're happy to provide anything you desire. He asks that you don't leave the penthouse…"_

Oh really?

"_Your presence is required at Fangtasia at 8pm. A car will come for you. It's an honor to serve you. Thank you._

_Sincerely, _

_Shreveport Luxury Condominiums, LLC"_

God dammit, Eric. What the hell does he have planned? And why can't we leave the apartment? Why am I being summoned? Someone snuck in here while I was sleeping. Some dumb human snuck in here while I was sleeping.

If I didn't have E.J., I'd leave just to see what would happen, and try to figure out what was going on. That was the kind of thing I always did. I don't like being given orders. But I can't risk my son.

The phone rings and I jump. E.J. jumps along with me and his baby blue eyes go wide.

I pick up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, Mrs. Northman", squeaks a peppy young woman who sounds about 18. "We were just making sure everything is all right. And we wanted to ask what you'd like to request for breakfast."

"I don't suppose you're willin to take me back to my own kitchen? There's nothing you could make I'd consider edible", I spit. That was unladylike. And unsouthern. And Gran would turn over in her grave. I don't care, I'm pissed off.

The girl sputters. "Bring me a big coffee", I say, "And some cereal for both of us. And juice please." I hang up.

"Juice", E.J. says.

"It's coming." I kiss his cheek, and he giggles, and pushes me away.

"What? I'm your Momma, I can kiss you any time I want…." I kiss him again and put him down, and he giggles and runs out of the bedroom.

There's nothing for us to do here. Most of his toys are back in Bon Temps. I didn't know how long we would be gone. Damn him for doing this to us. Putting me through hell is one thing, making life hard on E.J. is not fair.

The food arrives and we eat in front of the TV. I call Sam and tell him I don't know when I'll be back. Then I hang up fast so I don't have to explain. I keep imagining police cars showing up out front if Sam was worried enough.

The day goes on, and E.J. gets really restless. After a short night we're both tired and finally fall asleep together in Eric's big bed.

The phone rings at 7:30 on the nose.

"Wha…?"

"We're calling to remind you the car will around for you in half an hour. E.J. should also be there."

"Ummm…."

Click.

I get up and splash water on my face, put on a little makeup, and brush my hair. I get E.J. up, and he really doesn't want to get up. He whines, and cries, and smacks my hand away.

"Hey now, don't do that. I know it's hard, baby, it's hard to get up when you're a grown up much less a kid." He's exhausted and he needs to be in bed. I'm gonna hit Eric. I don't know why a toddler needs to be there for whatever this is anyway. But….I'd rather keep him close than leave him at the condo with one of these bozos.

I dress him up warmly in jeans and a shirt and a carry a sweater with me. I dress pretty much the same. I'm worried. I know Eric would not lead us into danger, but I still have no idea what this is about. Except that he's livid with me. I can still trust him. Right?

Smiley lady collects us at 8 on the nose and we get back into the limo. E.J. falls asleep on my lap, and I'm not waking him unless it's a very good reason.

We only drive a mile or two when the limo pulls up smoothly in front of Fangtasia. The driver gets out and opens the door, and I climb out with E.J. who snuggles against me. What new hell is this, Eric?


	26. Chapter 26: Pam

The driver opens the large padded black door of the club. My first thought is that I'm underdressed. Eric is wearing a suit, and Chow and Ginger look nice. There are two other vampires I don't recognize. I'm surprised they're here, this seems like it should be private. Should these two know about my son?

Eric looks up for a moment, and then back down at the paper he's looking over and the conversation he's having with a short young male vampire.

It's like they all sniff at once.

"What on earth?"

"What is that?"

Fangs pop out.

"Enough", Eric shouts, and they sit down one by one.

"First of all, he's mine", Eric says. "Anyone who lays a fang on him is going to war with me and with the state of Louisiana. Does anyone have any questions about that?"

Louisiana hadn't had a proper monarch that lasted over a month since Bill, but still no one seemed to want to fight.

"Good. You know why we're all here today, I want you as witnesses to this trial. I want to state again that Ms. Swynford DeBeaufort has not committed a crime, and cannot be charged with one, but she has greatly displeased me, as her Maker, in an unforgivable manner."

"Is she even here?" the other male vampire asks.

"No."

"Is she even aware of the charges?"

"Oh she's aware of everything. I've called her, and spread the message with every vampire I know that she's to appear here tonight. Word may have gotten as far as the Old World by now. She'll hear my call, and she won't disobey me on this. I know her better than that."

"How long are we going to wait for her…."

"Be seated and be silent", Eric commands, and they all do.

He hasn't yet greeted me.

He looks up then.

"I believe most of you know Sookie….my son's mother."

"Your son?"

Eric nods his head.

"She reproduced for you? Incredible! The child…he's your mirror image! How did you do it? Everyone is going to want to know about this. Fertile and a beauty to be sure", the young male vampire croons. I recognize him from the vampire summit but I don't know his name. He seems to be circling me. My fists are clenched. "How attached to her are you? I want her badly. I hadn't thought of having a child, but…. Will she reproduce for other vampires? I'll pay you for the time and trouble."

"You stupid son of a…" The brilliance in Eric's eyes shuts me up.

Eric swallows hard. "She's my bonded. She answers no one's call but mine. Isn't that right sweetheart?"

This wasn't the time for my usual show of independence. I look at him like I'm his thrall. In love, obsessed, desperate to make him happy.

"Yes, Eric."

"That's my good girl."

"Does she heel well?" the vampire asks.

"She always comes when I call." Eric is about ready to rip the guy's throat out.

The vampire looks down my shirt. "I gotta get one of those."

I gasp and jump back.

"She's also my wife."

That earned me a bit of respect. "You married a human?" the stupid vampire asks. "Forgive me, Eric. Forgive me, Sookie."

I'm gonna kill Eric, he's going to be lucky if I don't cut off his…

I turn to leave, but Eric zips in front of me, vamp speed, and blocks the door.

The look on his face is soft. He's not angry, or at least not nearly as angry as he was. He's trying to communicate a lot with that look.

He can't be seen as anything other than in charge and dangerous or E.J. and I may be the ones who pay the price. No one can think The Viking has lost his touch.

Then E.J. opens his eyes…and screams.

"Momma, no! Bad!" His eyes are wide as saucers as he stares at the other vampires.

"I'm taking my son outside!" Grr. "Do you mind if I wait outside? If you permit it" I ask at full volume.

"It's cold out there", Eric says.

As he speaks, there is a whoosh of air in the room.

"Eric!" Pam runs toward him, but he holds up his hand.

She's her usual beautiful self, clad in a bustier, leather pants, and spike heels.

She stops in her tracks.

"You're alive", she says, a bloody tear rolling down her cheek.

"Yes." This is hard for him, he nods his head. "Pamela Swynford DeBeaufort, you've been summoned here, this is not a social visit. Do you understand why you've been brought here?"

"I have a pretty good idea", she says, glaring at me.

"Do you deny that after my apparent death, you kept my entire inheritance, and let my bonded and my child nearly starve?"

"Starve", she says with a nervous laugh, "Hardly starve." She looks me over. "She looks fine to me."

Eric sighs in frustration. "Answer the question, Pam."

"No, I don't deny that I didn't give them your money. It was left to me."

"Silver her", Eric says wearily, and Chow wraps silver chains around her wrists.

"Ow! No, Eric, no, I'm your progeny! Ever since that damned f…"

He shakes his head a deadly "no."

"Ever since that damned bimbo walked into your life, you act like an infatuated tween! I can't believe you would choose a human over me. Over yourself! Eric, what's happened to you?"

"That is NOT YOUR BUSINESS" he explodes and everyone jumps a foot. "Don't tell me you didn't know he's mine!"

"Why?", he asks. "I know it's not the money, Pam, so why? Why did you want to punish them like this? Why did you hate him so much? Because he's mine?"

"I love him because he's yours. I hate him because he's hers, I hate him because he's the type of child to you that I will never be, I hate him because I couldn't give him to you despite the fact that we f*cked hundreds of times. I hate her because she killed you."

He takes a deep breath.

"She didn't kill me. It was my decision."

"You only think that! You tried to kill yourself once before for her, and I stopped you. I will never let you do that, and you did it this time without a word, without a thought. All for her, all so she could get knocked up when she spread her legs this time. You're property, little human, why can't you understand that…" she screams at me. "He's mine. MY Maker. MY love. How could you take him away from me?!"

I lift my hand... No, no, no, Sookie. Blasting her is not a good idea.

"He's not yours, you bitch, he never was!" I scream. E.J. lets out a howl and I hold him close.

She's staring hard at him. "Eric, I'm sorry. He's yours, I should have taken care of him. But they're a package deal, and I would rather see her dead first."

Eric rubs his forehead. "Pam, you've broken my heart. I'm going to let the person you wronged choose your punishment, because I cannot bear to pass sentence."

He turns to me, and I jump. "What would you like me to do with her? If you choose execution, I'll abide by it. I'll do it myself." His head hangs.

The other vampires can't quite believe it. But they're getting a lesson tonight on what happens if you f*ck with me or E.J.

He would do it himself. And it would destroy him, he'd never recover.

"Disown her", I say. "If in the future you want to give her another chance that's your business. But as of right now, disown her. She's no longer your progeny. Or your daughter."

"No!" she screams, "You bitch! This is what you always wanted…"

"You have no idea how lenient she's being Pam", he says. "You're banished. I want you out of my area by dawn."

"I'm the new sheriff, you can't just…."

He turns around and snarls. "And I'm the old sheriff, the only sheriff. Chow, get her out of here."

I can only watch and cuddle E.J. as Chow drags her away.

"I'm gonna make you sorry, bitch…"

"Say anything else to her and I'll change my mind about letting you off so easily!" Eric barks.

He drags her away. Tears are flowing down my cheeks, and I can tell Eric is fighting his own tears.

He turns to the guests. "That's all you were brought here for. To witness her being taken out of power and her punishment. I need your signatures, here and here…" The two random vampires sign.

"Thank you."

I can tell they mostly agree with Pam, that she rightfully and legally inherited his fortune, and had no need to share it with Eric's human pet if she didn't want to.

But of course there was now something bigger at work here. There was no way they were going to let this go. A vampire who could become human? With a biological child? Impossible. Yet they'd seen tonight with their own eyes. And even tried to purchase my services.

"Ginger, pour them a TruBlood on me" Eric orders.

"I'm sorry, this was necessary I promise", he says, walking over to us. "Please, forgive me…"

"We'll talk at home. You need to make it right with E.J."

"Son…"

"Bad!" E.J. screams at him, and I cuddle him close.

"He's not afraid of you", I say, proud of him.

Eric is too. "My boy is brave. But he does need an apology…I am sorry for scaring you, son. I am sorry for scaring your mother and making her cry. Please forgive me?"

E.J. sniffles, and wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

"Bad", he says, more quietly this time.

"I promise to be as good as I can. For you. Please….?"

E.J. lets Eric hug us. "You two wait out in the car", he says. "Chow! Take them out to the car."

"Yes, sir." He walks us out, and opens the back door to the limo.

Screams!

"Chow…!"

"He needed their signatures, he didn't need anything else. And they knew about E.J."

So do you, I thought.

He slams the door behind us.

A few minutes later, Eric comes out of the club, missing his jacket. He wipes the blood off his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Ginger?" I ask, as he gets in the car.

"Relax, I glamoured her. She can barely remember her name, what's one more time?"

"I'm sorry you had to do that."

He nods. I know he's crushed.

"I know you love her. It's okay to love her. Maybe another time…"

"You're so generous and kind, sweetheart." He kisses my hand.

"Can E.J. and I go home now?" I ask. "Part of this was to hold Pam accountable, but part of it was to prove you could bring us here if you wanted to. You can control anything you think is yours, and that definitely applies to E.J. and I. Don't tell me otherwise."

"Maybe", he admits. "But you're here for another reason. I hate feeling this helpless. I have no idea why he smells like he does. I just know it's going to be an effort to keep him safe."

"But he's not a vampire, Eric, he has no special ways of defending himself. Will he ever be able to keep himself safe?"

"I don't know, sweetheart", he pulls us close and kisses the top of E.J.'s head. "But I will spend forever figuring it out if that's what it takes."

"I love you", I sigh, burying my face his arm.

"Shhh, everything will be all right. I love you. So much."


	27. Chapter 27: Leaving Louisiana

I lay E.J. down in his new crib gently. He's fast asleep.

We haven't turned on any lights, and it's dark inside the cavernous bedroom of Eric's condo.

"He'll be okay", I say.

"I know he will. What about you?"

I stretch and groan in the dark. My muscles ache, my head aches, and I'm bone tired from stress and lack of sleep. He starts rubbing my back with his big hands.

"Do you still think I cheated on you with Bill?" I ask. I know the answer, but he needs to be called on it.

"I never really thought that. I was angry. Everything you said was true. I DIDN'T take care of you and E.J."

"I didn't mean that", I object. "I was angry too. It's been very hard, but it wasn't your fault."

He turns me around to look at him. "I f*cked up, Sookie. It was a basic thing to change my will after we got married, and I neglected it. And because of that, you and my son suffered."

"You had no idea you were going to die", I say, "And you also didn't know your progeny would turn her back on us."

"Her own brother. I can hardly believe it", he says. The pain will be fresh for him for a while.

"He's not her brother, Eric, not really. I know I don't understand the relationship a vampire has with their maker…"

"No, you don't", Eric says.

"I don't care what you say. He's not her brother. She's not your daughter, not the way E.J. is your son."

"Not the same way, no", he says, "And I think that destroyed her."

"I'm very, very sorry." I haven't said that yet, and it's important to say so. He truly lost someone he's loved for a century tonight. Someone as dear to him as anyone has ever been.

"I want to go home now, Eric", I say.

"I don't feel comfortable with that yet. We don't know why E.J. smells the way he does. Anyone looking for either of you will track your scent to your house. I can protect you here. The place is small and guarded 24 hours a day."

"You can't protect us from everything", I say, and he tucks me under his chin.

"Don't say that. Please don't say that. If I can't protect you, I don't have a use or a reason for being here."

"Stop that." I reach up on my toes to kiss him. "That's not what the Eric Northman I know sounds like. You're a hero. Come to bed, there's still some night left."

He picks me up and carries me to bed, where he pulls off my sweater. I unzip my jeans, and unbutton his shirt.

He takes everything off and pulls me into his arms. We lay there a moment, wrapped up in each other's arms.

"There's someone we haven't talked about yet", I say.

I can feel him looking down to me.

"Ysgar."

"Ysgar?" he asks. He rubs his head like remembering a dream. "Right, Ysgar. I'm sure he made a good King."

"He died, Eric, on the beach that day. He sacrificed himself for you, like you sacrificed yourself for E.J. You were dead for all intents and purposes, Eric, I think that's the only reason I got you back."

"Dammit!" he spits, and sits up. "I didn't want that, it's my job to die for my men, not the other way around."

"Lie down, Eric, please. I think he did it for me more than you. He had appointed himself my protector, I think. We need to honor and remember him."

"We will", Eric swore, "We will. How did he do it? What did he say?"

"I was frantic at that moment. I couldn't think about anything but waking you up. Lafayette was pulling me out of the dream…."

He sighs. "How did he do it? What did he say? Don't spare my feelings."

"He said it was a King's sacrifice that had saved the village and now he was King."

Eric squeezes his eyes closed. I wish I could make it go away.

"He wished you and I long lives and lots of kids, I think. Then….he stabbed himself in the stomach with a long knife."

He just hangs his head for a moment.

"I'm not sorry for it, baby, I'm not. We should honor him, but he gave me back my husband. I'm not going to wish he didn't."

"And I'm not going to wish I didn't die for E.J., and I hope you won't either. Not now."

"Not now", I agree, "now that the three of us are alive and together and safe."

"You hate it here", he says, glancing around the dark room.

"Too much for words", I agree.

"I really don't want you in Bon Temps right now. And you're not going anywhere without me. If you could go anywhere or be anywhere, where would you be?"

"Other than home, I think you know", I say. "I never really wanted to leave. We had to, it wasn't real, but I was happy there."

He kisses me, long and slowwww. Not much you can do but enjoy it when someone with a thousand years' experience kisses you.

"We can't go back there, and I don't think you'd really want to, without modern medicine and all. But we can come close. What do you think about going to my farm in Öland for a while? It's secluded, everyone knows everyone, a new face in town would attract attention, so it would be hard to sneak up on us. I keep a small staff there all the time in case I feel I going. What do you say?"

"I'll freeze to death in Öland", I say, but I can't pretend I'm not excited.

"I think I've proven I can keep you warm", he whispers, rolling on top of me.

I wrap my legs around his waist. "I think it's a great idea."

"There are Viking graves there, a lot of history from the Iron Age, and even back to the Stone Age. E.J. can learn a lot there, and it's his…the land is his. His inheritance, and he should get to know it. And it's a safe, remote place to try to figure out why he smells so good. I'll have to fly back and forth though. I wish I could not give a shit about vampire politics, but I'm not in that position. I can't leave a power vacuum like that, and I have to remain sheriff of area 5."

"That sounds like a real pain", I frown.

"It will be, but it's worth it to keep you safe."

"What about day to day operations at Fangtasia?" I ask.

"Fangtasia I plan to leave in the care of someone I will be indebted to for eternity." I raise an eyebrow.

The next night, I'm back home and packing for an extended trip. I've been packing all day while Eric slept, and our flight to Stockholm leaves in 4 hours and we have stops to make first.

"You're not moving to Mars. If you forget something, there are actual stores there and everything", Eric says, standing by the front door, bouncing E.J. in his arms. There are several suitcases near the door. "Say hurry up, Momma", Eric whispers to E.J.

"Hurry up, Momma!" E.J. howls, thrilled to be in on the fun.

I come down the stairs and find them standing by the door. They're perfect, absolutely perfect.

"Fine, I'm done", I say, giving each one of my boys a kiss.

Eric hands me E.J. and he picks up the bags.

"Did you pack rocks or something?"

"I'm sure they're reallll heavy to you. Who could pick up a truck."

He smirks.

Anubis is going to take us to Stockholm, then we're off again to the coast, and a little plane will take us out to the island.

Chow is giving us a lift in Eric's limo to the airport. But first we're going to Merlottes so I can talk to Sam.

The atmosphere changes immediately the moment we walk in. Everyone knows Eric is a vampire, and even if there's someone who didn't, Eric radiates danger. Even Sam just stands there and blinks when 6'4 Eric stands in front of him, holding his little mini-me.

"Sam", Eric says with a nod.

"Eric. Sookie, can I see you in my office for a minute?"

"That's why I came here, Sam."

"I understood Mr. Reynolds would be in tonight", Eric says.

"Should have been here five minutes ago", Sam says, and I pull him down the hall to his office.

I close the door behind us.

"So you've proven he's back. And you disappear with barely a phone call…"

"I'm afraid I'm disappearin again, Sam. This time to Sweden for a while, not forever."

"Sweden?! Sookie, when are you going to stop this? You belong here in Bon Temps, what about your brother? Your job?"

Me? Hung in the air.

"Jason has always done just fine without me. I couldn't find him, so I'll have to call him from there. My job…hopefully I'll always have a job and a friend at Merlottes. If you can't hire me back, I understand."

"Sookie, I can't believe you would just run off to a foreign country!"

"I'm not going to Mars! Sam, we need time, family time. Do you have any idea what we've been through? You saw me fall apart, you saw me every day that he was gone, and how I barely made it through. E.J. doesn't even know his father…please try to understand."

"I get it", he says, finally. "I'm not gonna argue with you, never does a damn bit of good anyway. Just…be careful please…."

"I will", I jump up and hug him.

We're walking back into the bar as I see Eric corner Lafayette.

"Tsk, tsk, late for work", Eric says. Lafayette shrinks back. I think he'll always be afraid of Eric. "That's unacceptable."

"Hey, boss man." He tries to smile.

"Lafette!" E.J. cries.

"My son likes you", Eric says.

"Yeah, er, yes, he's a great kid."

"He is a great kid. And I wouldn't have known him if it weren't for you. Thank you, Lafayette, I can't repay you for what you've done for my family, but I can make life better for you. I'd like to offer you a job…"

"I don't push that shit no mo, boss man…please don't…get upset"

Eric smiles. It throws Lafayette off, I think it's going to throw everyone off for a while. Zen Eric. "A LEGAL job, Lafayette. How would you like to be co-owner of Fangtasia, with a salary around…$600…"

"Six hundred?"

"Six hundred thousand, Lafayette, a year, salary….unless you think that's unfair…"

I walk over and take his hand. He's sounding a lot like Darth Vader and Lafayette is looking skittish.

"You know everything about bars, Lafayette. With Pam out, someone has to be in charge while we're out of the country. It's a chance to be part owner in something real, and to make about zillion times more money. We're both incredibly grateful. What do you say?" I ask.

"Ummm….yeah." He's trying not to jump up and down and scream.

"I expect a certain level of sophistication in my employees and partners, Lafayette. I won't even try to stem your…creative dressing…but please buy a house to park your Ferrari in front of", Eric asks. "Chow can help you with real estate, or you can move into my building."

"I…wooooo….I mean….whoooo!"

"Does that mean he likes it?" Eric asks.

"I think it does." I come around and hug him.

"Go see Chow at sunset tomorrow", Eric directs. "He'll show you the ropes. He knows you're in charge."

Lafayette is wide eyed and mouthed. It hasn't sunk in yet.

"Bye, bye Lafette!" E.J. calls, and we walk out and back to the limo.

I wipe tears off my cheeks.

"It's not forever, sweetheart. You still want to go, right?"

"Yes", I assure him, "yes, we need this."

He hands me E.J. and opens the door for us.

He opens the little fridge and cracks open a cold small piccolo of champagne for me, a TruBlood for himself, a little Martinelli's apple juice for E.J., which he wisely pours into a bottle.

"To a new life", he says, raising a glass.

"To a new life", I agree, and kiss him.

"And a second chance at mine", he says, and kisses E.J. on the top of the head, wiping away a red tear.

At the airport, we're rushing. The plane attendants aren't moving very fast. Now I know what it's like to work in the service industry and I would never lose my temper at anyone, but…all our bags are still sitting there.

"Eric, everything is still there, honey, the pilot wants to leave…." No one is listening to me.

I finally see our bags being loaded.

"Just board, Sookie, I've got this", he directs.

I walk up the little stairs and board with E.J. who is looking around nervously. The nerves turn to excitement fast.

He wants to run up and down the aisle, and I have to keep grabbing him. There are two others with us on the plane, an elderly couple. I wouldn't have guessed they were undead if it weren't for the TruBlood sitting next to them. They look almost dead period.

I pick E.J. up and shuffle to the cock pit. I knock. "Captain, this is supposed to be a private flight….Mr. Captain? Sir?"

No answer.

I go back to where I was. I hate to be rude to my elders.

"Sir, M'am, I hate to bother you, but this flight is private, it's supposed to be just my husband and baby and me, and I think one of us is on the wrong plane…" There is only one travelling coffin also. And it has Eric's name on it.

They pull out their tickets.

"Where is this going?" the old lady asks.

"Sweden", I answer, with what I hope is a helpful smile.

"Well, bless the Lord! You're right, we're supposed to be on our way to Dunkirk! I'm so sorry young lady!"

"Oh no! No trouble at all. Do you need help with your bags?"

"No, no, we don't need any help…."

They walk off the plane, pushing past Eric who is on his way up.

"Who was that?" he asks, "There wasn't supposed to be anyone else on this plane except the pilot who won't open the cockpit door."

"Well that explains it."

"Explains what? Who were they?"

"Just a nice old couple on the wrong flight."

"A nice old vampire couple? Sookie, looks are deceiving, you have to understand someone turned at 80 is as strong and dangerous as someone turned at 20, it depends entirely on their actual age."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

Eric sits down next to me, and scoops E.J. onto his lap. He kisses my forehead.

"It's okay, your heart is one of the best things about you. But please, if someone or something seems off, just come get me right away. Don't think about it or talk to anyone, just come get me…promise?"

"Promise."

"Everything is finally on board and ready to go", he says.

The engine starts and as the plane taxis out on the runway, I let my head drop against Eric's shoulder.

"You know what?" he asks.

"What?"

"I've loved you for a thousand years." Eric leans in, and kisses me.

BACK IN THE TERMINAL

The old man is on a phone pressed to his ear.

"Yeah, that's the kid, you couldn't miss the smell. If you had sent a less experienced vampire, the kid would be dead already. I nearly couldn't control myself. He's Northman's get all right. Just take one look at him. I understand." He hangs up.


	28. Chapter 28: In the Wind

**First of all, thank you for nominating me for the FANGREADER awards! I really appreciate it.**

Öland, south eastern coast of Sweden

With no pollution, trees, or neon signs, the stars are brilliant here, and the moon is a bright orb. It's light enough out here to see by.

Wearing rolled up dark jeans with a thick wool sweater, and bare feet, Eric lopes out onto the beach and grabs his son, then throws him into the air while E.J. giggles wildly.

It almost hurts to watch I love them so much.

Eric is a terribly conscientious father. He picks E.J. up and carries him, sideways, like a suitcase, back to the house. "Too cold", Eric reports.

"You two are hilarious." My boy doesn't seem to mind being horizontal, tucked under his father's arm.

"Come here you." Eric hands him to me and I wrap him up tight in a throw blanket. "Come on baby, time for bed."

"Nooo", he whines.

"We'll play again tomorrow, I promise", I reassure him.

"But Daddy can only play at night."

"Yes, Daddy can only play at night. But you and I can go to the Farmer's Market during the day tomorrow…"

But my baby couldn't keep his eyes open no matter how hard he tried. Between the activity and the cold air, he's out like a light before I even get him to bed.

The old wooden staircase in Eric's large farm house creaks as we carry him upstairs.

Eric holds out his arms. I know how much he loves to hold E.J.

"He's bigger", Eric says, sighing and cuddling his son against his chest.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yes, vampire senses", he says with a wink. "You won't notice for a month or so."

He rocks his son back and forth. "Love you, min son." A moniker he's adopted for E.J.

He kisses him on the forehead, and lays E.J. down in his crib.

E.J. has his own room now. I had feared separation anxiety, but apparently with his father here, everything is better for him. Everything is better for both of us.

"Let's go to bed, min kvinna."

"My woman?" I ask, quirking an eyebrow.

"I called you that back then", he says, "and it was only a couple of years ago."

"It was actually a thousand years ago, and it was chauvinistic and rude and…."

"Completely turned you on?" he asks. He picks me up and flips me over his shoulder!

"Eric, no!"

"Shhhh. You'll wake E.J."

He carries me into our room, and tosses me on the bed.

"Stop!"

"You can't fool me, Sookie mine, I can feel the heat coming off your skin, your heart racing faster, I can even smell you, and you're aroused. You like it. But….I can go away if you want." He moves away from the bed, and I grab a long arm and yank him back.

"You're not goin anywhere."

I had forgotten what his weight felt like on top of me, how it felt to be loved, even worshipped, by such a powerful creature.

He quickly divests me of my jeans and I wrap my legs around him, pushing him harder against my pelvis. He licks up my neck like a puppy, then lightly sucks on an earlobe, and sniffs my neck.

"You're hungry", I say.

You'd swear Eric was a starving man and my neck was filet mignon. He buries his head in my shirt and takes deep breaths. Then he pulls it over my head and buries his face in my hair.

"It's okay", I prompt.

"Really?" He looks sheepish.

"Do it", I moan against his cheek.

Excited, he sniffs and licks my neck. I jump when I hear his fangs snap out. Like anticipating a shot. Then he sinks his teeth in.

I yell and jump, but he holds me down.

"Mmmmm", he moans, nursing on my neck.

He fists my hair with his left hand, pulling me closer to his eager mouth.

That sucking feeling is so delightful. Even if victims could get away from ridiculously strong vampires, no one would want to. It's heaven. But then he starts to suck harder, wilder, whimpering.

"Eric, Eric…" I smack him on the back.

He almost whines as he knows he has to let go. He breaks contact and licks his lips.

"I'm sorry. Damn."

"You okay?" I laugh.

"Getting there", he says, sucking in breaths.

"TruBlood?"

"Yeah", he says, panting.

I run down the stairs to the kitchen. My fault.

I come back to give it to him, and he grabs it, and gulps it down.

"Another", he says.

I should have seen this coming. My scent, along with E.J.'s, is intense in this room, and I let Eric feed freely. He let his guard down.

I know he'd stake himself before he hurt either of us, but as strong as Eric is, he's not a super hero. It was unfair to put him in this position.

I run down and get two more, and he grabs them from me. I try to hug him, but he pushes me away. "Stand…over there."

This worries me. "Tell me the truth, Eric….just how good does he smell?"

"There was a time, Sookie, before I knew morality, before I knew love, before I had you both, that if I had just wandered across him…I wouldn't have been able to control myself."

"Oh my God." He catches me as I'm falling. I know I'm sliding to the floor, but everything has gone blank. My baby. If he comes across another vampire…he's as good as dead. And Eric can't hide him forever.

"It's okay. This is the safest place for us. It's a small community, new faces would be noticed. You've asked everyone in town if they have seen anything suspicious. I have the guards…this farm is the safest place he can be. And this is his home…his inheritance, his life."

"I know this is the best place for him. But it's still terrifying. There is nowhere to get away from vampires completely. Especially when you're married to one."

He cringes. "How do you think it makes me feel to have my mouth water at the smell of my own child?"

"Don't judge yourself. It's not something you can stop or help. I know how much you love him. You love him more than your life."

"Of course. He'll be okay. He has to be."

I throw my arms around him.

"No one knows about him", he adds, "Except us, Bill, Chow, and Pam. And none of them are stupid enough to pass on the information."

"You sure? I've always thought Chow's loyalty was for sale."

"He won't tell anyone. He knows me too well." Eric wiggles his eyebrows and laughs, but the statement was deadly serious.

And Pam still loved her maker, no matter what, she would always love him. Bill….was too loyal to me to tell anyone anything.

So he's safe. No one knows about him.

The next day, I take E.J. to the history center to see the Viking graves on the shore.

The lady giving the tour is smiling at us. "Are you on vacation?" she asks.

"No, we're living here. My husband is Swedish", I tell her.

"At our education center, we have information on what it was like in Viking times. Who knows, your husband may have Viking ancestors!"

I would be rude to laugh.

"You could be a descendent of Vikings", she says to E.J., trying to be friendly.

My son is not the descendent of Vikings, he IS a Viking. Born in the snow a thousand years ago, in a Viking bathhouse in a remote section of coastal Sweden, while his mother, covered in animal furs, screamed for pain medication or relief or help. I prayed to Jesus and to Odin for my baby to be safely delivered and he was.

These graves, even purposely preserved, are falling apart to dust. Who knows at this point who these individuals were or exactly when they lived? I'm sure if you wanted to do some expensive DNA testing, it might be possible. As it was, I could guess these people lived somewhere between a couple hundred years before to a couple hundred years after my son had been born. These people were my son's contemporaries, here with crumbling graves, bodies that had gone to dust four centuries before Christopher Columbus. Why am I crying?

"Mrs…"

"Sorry, sorry."

If Eric hadn't sacrificed himself, and been able to send E.J. back with me, I would have died, my son would have inherited the throne when he grew up, and he would be buried somewhere like this. Perhaps not so well preserved as these graves, lost to the earth and to time. Thank you again, baby, I love you. I wipe away a tear.

"Are you all right?" she asks, a little alarmed.

And suddenly he's in danger. I don't know how or why, but I can feel it. I can smell it in the air, I can taste it on the breeze. I squeeze my son tighter.

"Momma, no", he insists. He likes to be independent.

"Are, are you…okay?" I hear again.

Shreveport, LA

"He smells…."

"You may NOT lay a fang on him! Not now. It's the father we want", the other man said.

"After you have what you want…"

"He's all yours."

The woman smiles cruelly. Uh huh. Once this little creature had worn out his use, her master would just kill him.

But she did wonder what would happen when her master smelled the boy. Soooo delicious…utsökt.


End file.
